Woman

I decided several weeks ago that it was time for me to step my game up in the area of my appearance. There's a "me" that I've always wanted to present to the world but for one reason or another, it just didn't happen. Before I had Matthew and Caitlyn, that woman that I saw that I could be started to emerge but she still had a lot of clutter to clear out of her heart and mind.

The early days of motherhood. Working full time, nursing, and two babies still in diapers. It's a wonder I could see straight but this definitely wasn't "me".

Soon after their births, I quickly descended into a frumpy lifestyle. But who really could blame me? Full time working, nursing mom with two children who were 19 months apart. Yea. It's a wonder I could put my head on straight, let alone piece an outfit together.
I stopped wearing makeup because my precious little babies would lick and touch my face constantly as they discovered the world around them. But five years later, no babies were licking my face but my face was still bare. It just became easier to let it go, not to mention I used to use MAC makeup products which cost a small fortune. I could afford them when it was just me to support, but now with a household of three, I felt guilty about every purchase I made. I always found a reason or excuse to put it back and buy something instead for the babies.
But inside I felt lost, forgotten and neglected.
It's funny how what's on the inside has a way of seeping out.
I just wasn't happy inside so I couldn't find a reason to pull it together. Back in the day, I was known for my hair and shoe game always being on point. But lately, both were not up to par.

An early attempt at bringing back the woman within, after the children were born. Not bad, but still not where I wanted to be.

Moms have heard so many times how we need to fix ourselves up and not let ourselves go when the children come. But that's so much easier said than done. There aren't too many voices in the world telling moms it's ok to think of themselves. Just about every voice in a woman's life is telling her not only to give but to give SOME MORE. Some moms' feet don't touch the ground until 7 p.m. every night with everything they have to do for their families. I'm up every morning at 6 and I don't settle down until 12 midnight. If I didn't stay up so late, I'd have no time alone with my thoughts and for blogging. :)
So yea... not too many voices in my life were telling me it was ok to think of myself and treat myself good. In 2010, I started speaking up for myself a little bit. I spent the money and found a bariatric doctor and began a weight loss program. I lost about 30 lbs and managed to keep around 20 of it off. I'm ok with my current weight and size which seems to be holding at about a thick 20. I rather like my curves and for a 33 year old mother of 2, I think I'm lookin pretty gosh darn good!
I've always been into hair. Before I graduated from high school, it was my intention to be a cosmetologist. But God had different plans for me and used my English teacher to encourage me to apply to a small, all women's college I'd never heard of before in my life. But anything that involves creativity immediately grabs my attention. It's no surprise that hair and make up are now my new pass times. I finally get to create the looks I've always admired on other women and that makes me feel wonderful.

Wow, could this be the woman I've been looking for all these years?

The kiddos don't quite know how to take their glammed up mommy. They stare and give me the sweetest little compliments. "I like your eyes mommy". "I like your hair mommy". What mama doesn't want to hear her children give her compliments? Caitlyn loves wearing cute little headbands now and likes feeling "pretty". Matt hugs me and holds my hand after school, that is, until he spots the playground and runs off to play for a bit. It's just amazing how the whole house is lifted when mama is lifted.
When you look good, you feel good and when you feel good, you look good! The last two years have been the best years of my life. No, the road hasn't always been easy but the inner peace that I now enjoy because of the presence of the Lord and His amazing grace, has transformed my life. I so enjoy living now. I look forward to each new day. Sure, I deal with this and that but now, I realize I'm not alone and I have help. He's willing and able to help me and deliver me from any situation I will and could ever face.

Yep! There's she is! Welcome to Life Woman of God!

So yea, I'm stepping my game up. It's a new day. It's a new season. I'm ready for the new that God is bringing to every aspect of my life. Gone are the days of trying to look good for anyone other than me. I alone approve of what I wear and what I don't. I have a voice now. I have an opinion. I have a right to be me. There's never been a time in my life when I was more comfortable in the skin I'm in than now. I'm still overweight. I still have stretch marks. I still have flaws and imperfections but now, the woman that I always wanted to present to the world is starting to rise up and the little hurt and lonely girl is starting to grow up & be HEALED. I can be cute all by myself just for myself. I smile because I have so much to be thankful for and glad about. I survived some things. I outlived some things. I lived down some things. I've overcome some things. I've gotten over some things. And now, I'm believing God for some NEW things.
I'm standing in a new realm called faith and walking into a new life of grace and mercy.
And I fully intend to look the part.