Knock knock...
It's me! I do apologize to those of you who've been waiting on me to post. My schedule has changed (which is a good thing and a blessing) but as a result, my priorities have also changed.
I am constantly re-evaluating the way I've structured my time for the benefit of my children.
That's our responsibility as moms- as LEADERS. We must constantly have our finger on the pulse of our families and make the necessary adjustments to provide the support that's needed.
I want to encourage those of you who come to my blog hoping to glean some insight into the mind of a baby mama. I want you to know that many of us are God fearing, loving moms. That's all. No horns, antlers, or pitch forks. The posts concerning baby mamas, girlfriends and baby daddies has gone through the roof in views. It's amazing but it's also an indication to me that this is a very real dynamic in the lives of young women today.
I want to say to you women who may have come across my blog desperate for answers that are facing you in your own relationship to FREE YOURSELF.
If you're a girlfriend acting like his wife, FREE yourself.
If you're a baby mama still acting like your baby daddy's girlfriend, FREE yourself.
Marriage is a lifelong covenant and plenty of hard work. And that hard work shouldn't be done for free. You owe it yourself to get paid in FULL with respect, dignity, honor and commitment. Any man that's not paying you in those big bills is short changing you.
It's time to resign.
Dating should be fun. If you are unmarried, you should enjoy your freedom. I'm not saying you should be free to sleep around and engage in lascivious and dangerous behaviors, but there should be a freedom to enjoy the life God gave you. You are not a married woman so why pretend to be one? Trust me, there are plenty of married women who wish in the backs of their minds that they'd fully appreciated their single season just a bit more. That's not to say that they aren't completely in love with their husbands. But every season makes us long for the one that just passed. Think about it... when it's summertime, we miss Fall weather and so on.
So enjoy your singleness and make sure you have the CORRECT definition of singleness before you get involved with a man.
Living with him, sharing bills, cooking, cleaning and sleeping with him are all marriage duties. You're doing just a bit too much if you're a girlfriend doing all these things. It's time to fall back and get back to the life that used to be enjoyable; the life you had before you had to pretend to be the wife of someone that you're not; the life you had before you were worrying about what his family treating you with respect. The life you had before you were competing with his baby mama for his affection. That means he lives in his OWN house and you live in yours. He has his own bills to pay and you do too. Your body is YOURS until he puts a ring on his finger, not his to play with whenever he takes the notion. It's tough to think like a girlfriend because our culture has convinced us that being a girlfriend is essentially the same as being a wife. But that's not what the scriptures tell us and that's not what the Word requires of us. The scriptures tell us that husband and wife become one flesh; when God sees a man and his wife, He sees one being, not two. If you're "one flesh" you don't get to break up and become "two flesh" when somebody makes you mad. But when you take on the role and duties of a wife under the girlfriend umbrella, you quickly find yourself being frustrated and disrespected. That's because there is an honor that is bestowed on a woman who is called "wife". Never rob yourself or allow anyone to rob you of the honor you are due.
Free yourself.
Can we be honest? You may love your man (at times) but there are many times when you're holding on simply because you're too proud to let go. If you let go, his baby mama wins.. or his family that never liked you wins, or your family who told you to leave him, wins. But who's really losing in this situation? You are. There's no joy in feeling like you have to compete for your man' affection or wondering when he and his baby mama will ever stop crossing the line or when his family will ever stop treating you like the red headed stepchild. Where's the joy and peace in that? Free yourself.
And baby mama, you need to free yourself also. Don't be any man's doormat. Yes, you have his children but you do not have to keep the light on for him. He's in your bed, her bed, and whoever else's bed but you're tolerating this for WHY? Because you two have children? Check this out.. would you want your daughter settling for that? Would you want your son treating a woman like that? If it's not good enough for them, it shouldn't be good enough for you. It's time you loved yourself for the sake of the little ones who love you more. Free yourself from the emotional roller coaster, the false hope, the manipulation and the pain of the past. Draw lines in the sand and enforce your boundaries.
My overwhelming emotion from the comments that I've read so far concerning my blogs about baby mamas, girlfriends, and baby daddies is sadness. I'm sad for women who feel the need to juggle so much drama everyday instead of just deciding not to play the game anymore. I want you to see that what you're dealing with is not even necessary. You don't have to figure out how to deal with a baby mama if you're not his wife. That's not even something that should be on your plate as a girlfriend. That's HIS property and HIS problem. Let a man be a man and let him work out his OWN messy situations. Any man that truly loves you will prepare a place for you in his life. He'll cut off who he needs to cut off, remove himself from whatever needs to be removed and he'll do this BEFORE he meets you because he's ready. If the man you're with hasn't prepared a place in his life for you, you'll spend all your time and energy trying to carve out a space for yourself, which you shouldn't have to do and you're not guaranteed to be successful doing it.
Well, I hope this helps you to think about your situation a little bit clearer and to think differently about how you're handling the circumstances in your relationship. Keep your life as simple as you possibly can. Anything that robs you of your peace and joy needs to go!
