Believe it or not, this question is one of several questions responsible for the sudden uptick in traffic to my blog. Women want answers. And here's one thing I know for sure: "In every situation, God has something to say".
Now, you may not like my answer. Let's go ahead and settle that now. But I promise you, my answer comes from a desire to know the will of God in any given situation as well as a desire to help someone overcome an issue in their lives.
Whether a man has children with another woman or not, the fact that he was an ex can be cause for concern in a woman's mind. If you are a girlfriend, fiancee or wife and you have concerns about whether or not your boyfriend, fiance, or husband still has some feelings for the mother of his children, here's what you should do:
Understand that your security in a relationship is HIS responsibility. Likewise, his security in a relationship is YOURS. What do I mean by this? I mean that as his woman, it's your job to assure him that none of your old flames play any part in your current life. You do this by not speaking of your ex, showing contentment in your current relationship and making sure that all of your affection is towards your mate.
If you are insecure in your relationship with your man, then that means that your man isn't doing his job, point blank.
I know this is hard to swallow because so many people (perhaps even your man) have laid the burden of your security on you. You've probably been accused of being insecure to the point you doubt yourself and don't trust what your eyes see and your ears hear anymore.
But your security is his responsibility. He should do everything within his power to reassure you and give you tangible proof of his fidelity and commitment to you.
And guess what? That's not too much to ask because it's something you do on a daily basis without thinking.
Are you a woman of your word? When you say you're going somewhere, is that exactly where you go? Do you flirt with your ex? If you can answer questions like these positively, then you have to ask yourself, "Why can't he?"
And here's where things get really real...
If you are in a relationship with someone who isn't doing what you're doing, you must be willing to ask yourself, "Why am I settling for this?"
There are plenty of men who have children but know how to treat their women in their current relationship. They know how to make their women feel secure, and they are men of character and integrity.
Children outside of a relationship doesn't spell automatic drama for everyone. Some men and women have worked it out and everyone involved is respected and knows their role and their place.
The question is, why have YOU settled for less?
The truth is, there is no way to ever truly know the heart of a man. But you can go by what you see and hear in order to make an intelligent decision. If your eyes and ears are telling you that things between your man and his "baby mama" are not over and done, then no matter what he's telling you, you know what the truth is. Who are you going to trust? Are you going to trust your conscience (that comes from God) or a human being who constantly tells you that you're insecure?
It takes a high level of maturity to be able to leave a relationship with children and begin a new relationship and put the appropriate boundaries in place. If your man isn't mature, then most likely, you're experiencing the frustration that comes along with it.
At the end of the day, your relationship belongs to your man and yourself. If you are not happy with the relationship, there is no one to blame but the two of you.
Forget outsiders for a moment. Outsiders can only come inside if someone on the inside lets them in.
It's time you took an honest assessment of your relationship and had the difficult conversations with your man that are necessary to address your concerns.
If you cannot communicate with your man openly about how you feel, then that is an even greater problem than any "baby mama" could ever present to you.
You don't have a man's heart until you can influence his decisions. If your man does what he wants to do with little to no regard for how you feel and how it affects you, then you do not have his heart. You may share bills and a bed, but you do not have a relationship. The woman who has his heart (the woman he respects enough to care about her opinion and govern his actions accordingly) is the woman who has his heart.
So before you can ask "Is he over his baby mama"...
You must first ask and answer, "do I have his heart?"
