What a wonderful time of year this is! It's Christmas time! This is the first Christmas that my children have been old enough to really enjoy the festivities of the holiday and this is the first year in a long time that I have too.
It's not that I went all out and spent a ton of money on them. Truth be told, I only spent $30. But I can't tell you how much joy was resident in my home before I spent the $30. It wasn't the number of gifts nor their cost; it was the fact that I could give my children a mommy filled with joy and peace. This is a mommy my children have never known.
I've always loved them but I haven't always had joy in doing so. I carried a lot of burdens for a very long time: unforgiveness, anger, pain, depression. I didn't have much hope. Sure, I had some hope because of them. But apart from them, I had very little hope for my own life. I was at a point in my life where I really didn't know why I was still here on this earth, apart from raising them.
And then He brought joy.
One of my favorite Christmas songs has always been "Oh Holy Night". This time, I really listened to the words and I must say, they've never rang so true within me: "Truly He taught us to love one another. His law is love and His gospel is peace. Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother and in His Name all oppression shall cease". Talk about words coming ALIVE! I know what it feels like to be bound, oppressed and hopeless. I was a weary world rejoicing when Hope returned to my life!
It's a new day!
Thankfully this year, the childrens' father was able to give them a good Christmas materially. I am deeply appreciative because I know he gave out of love for them. I've never doubted his love for our children and that in itself is a blessing. I may wonder about his thoughts toward me but never his children. He loves them dearly and when it comes to birthdays and Christmas, he's always been there for them in one form or another. But even if he hadn't done a thing for them this year, we are RICH in blessings already! There's peace and joy in my home. Laughter fills each room. I smile more than I cry and if tears do come, there are more tears of joy than sadness.
He will be their light.
There's no greater gift that any parent can give their children than a parent that is full of the peace and joy of the Lord. That's important to remember as we stress ourselves over toys, wish lists and gift wrap. This year, my children have a mommy that's 100% present for them and not bound and distracted by pain, depression, burdens and unforgiveness.
May your joy be full and complete this year because of the gift of God in the person of Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Prayer Point: Lord, I ask that you would remember every heart burdened by the despair and depression that often attaches itself to this holiday season. May the Light of Your presence shine brightly all around us, chasing away the darkness of our oppression and burdens. May the radiance of Your glory penetrate every recess of our being. May the joy that announced Your coming over 2000 years ago be felt in our hearts this year. May we feel your love, joy and peace in a real and tangible way. Thank You for the gift of love. Thank you for so loving us that You gave Your only begotten Son so that today, we could look up and be filled with hope. May we look to You as the green leaves of the field towards the sun that we might live. May our joy be full in You!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
This CAN'T Be God! (Or Is It?)
In my 32 years on this earth, I've come to an amazing realization just this year. It took me 32 years to realize that maybe the standard by which I determined whether or not persons, places, things and circumstances were or were not of God may be just a tad bit flawed.
I came up in the traditional school of thought that divided life into two main categories: if you lived right, your life was good, if you didn't live right, your life was a mess.
That sounds really good rolling off the tongue until you're the one faced with circumstances that you don't understand. Then that leaves us to audit our actions, searching for that one word or deed that set off motions of vengeance in heaven against us. On the flip, it also leaves those of us who missed the mark and know it (definitely talking about myself here) bearing an unreasonably heavy burden of guilt, assuming that our actions brought us our just reward and therefore who are we to ask the Lord how long until help comes?
Guilt is the great divide.
I guess that's why our Blessed Saviour purchased our redemption with His own blood, just so that guilt and shame would no longer have to be our garments.
This year, I've had to ask myself some hard questions and reexamine some conclusions that I'd made. "That aint God!" How quickly we declare something to be of God and yet, we spend so very little time in His presence or His Word. So I guess the next question would be...
How do you know it isn't Him?
I'm crying. I'm hurting. This feels bad. This is uncomfortable. I never saw this coming. I never wanted this like this...
This CAN'T be God...right?
Sleeping with Bathsheba was a sin. The first child she bore for King David did not survive, as God in His righteous judgement required his life because of his father's shedding of the innocent blood of Uriah. But Bathsheba's second son, Solomon, God loved and he ascended to the throne of His father.
Sleeping with Hagar was not a sin in man's eyes, but it was a moral slip due to a lack of patience in the manifestation of God's promise of a natural born heir to Sarah and Abraham. Granted, well into their 90's, no one would begrudge them a panic attack or two. But the birth of Ishmael also opened a new world of drama to Abraham's household. But once again God, in His divine grace and wisdom, knew that as Abraham's seed, Ishmael too would be blessed, thus fulfilling the promise that all the nations of the earth would be blessed through his seed.
I've come to understand that sometimes what God allows to happen is just as magnificent as what He directly does. Sin is only an option to a heart predisposed to sin. You need neither God nor devil to sin. The very nature of man outside of the presence of God contains enough wickedness to give all of hell a good paid vacation.
David's decision to sleep with Uriah's wife then orchestrate his murder to cover his sin was his own, and he admitted it. But Bathsheba was God's divine plan. Without her, there would have been no Solomon.
All of creation will do the will of Almighty God. The "how" is the only variable in the equation.
Mankind may control his decisions, but God controls their consequences.
He will have mercy on whom He will have mercy.
The mistake I was making was assuming that just because I broke the order of things, sinned or in some cases, just didn't take the time to inquire of the Lord before I made a decision played into whether or not the will of the Lord was being done in my life. Surely my circumstances could serve as spiritual advisers, showing me which was was UP.
Sometimes life will contradict your assumptions..and so will God.
"Arise Peter, slay and eat!"
That can't be God!
But it was.
I had declared some things "not God" in my life. As a matter of fact, I even had help doing so. Most people, given the details of anyone's circumstances, particularly in the area of relationships would say "LEAVE". A lot of people assume that I stayed in relationship with my childrens' father for them. That is an incorrect assumption. We remained together as long as we did because I was honestly in love with him. But the pressure to quickly assess and determine whether or not a person was "of God" did us in. I couldn't wait for an answer.
I let go.
I can remember the second to the last breakup we experienced this year. I was tired, frustrated and not sure how to even try to work on the relationship. I was frankly tired of working. I was also of the school of thought that if it's of God, it most CERTAINLY doesn't need all of this elbow grease and meet all of this resistance! It's smooth sailing with God and when you're with a man of God, he rubs your feet at night while praying in tongues. SERIOUSLY?! lol!
With our breakup barely a month old, I was still hurting and missing him. I second guessed my decision to quit trying but I was raised to make a decision and stick to it. I was sitting under the dryer next to a delightful sister in Christ whom I'd met at a previous salon visit. She asked how "we" were doing and I told her we had broken up and were no longer together. She looked so disappointed. Then she said the words that almost rocked me out of my chair, "Sis, did you pray about it first?"
No, I hadn't.
I talked to my usual board of friends who were all about reacting and not "settling for less than God's best"!
But none of the "best chasers" suggested once that I pray before making a decision to end a relationship with the father of my two children.
I don't blame them. The final decision was mine to make and own. But bad counsel has broken up more homes than bad arguments.
We reconciled briefly and then I broke up again with him August of this year.
My reasons at the time sounded good in my own ears. Now they just sound selfish and cold. I want a closer relationship with God...I want God's best for my life...I need to be around people who build me up in the faith... Sounds GREAT in the halls of religion!
But in the huts and caves of the real world, it just sounds heartless.
So your God tells you I'm not good enough for you, I don't deserve you and that being with me tears you from Him. Wow, what a witness!
Now listen.. I'm no fool. I"m not telling anyone to stay in a relationship that puts them in any harm or danger. But how much Holy Ghost do you really have if you can't be around someone without losing your grip on your relationship with God? My children's father was not to blame for my lack of relationship with God. He never prevented me from praying or reading my bible or even attending church. He wasn't into any of those things according to my standards, but truth be told, I wasn't even living what I was expecting him to.
The funny thing about this whole experience is that the closer I got to God, the more I loved him. I feel more compassion and less judgemental. I celebrate the good in him instead of cataloging the negative.
I pray for him.
I don't know where we're going from here. We're not together and so far, our interaction is limited to visits with the children. But I savor those now and just let them be. I"m thankful that he's here for them and for me. My selfishness hurt him but it didn't destroy him and for that, I'm thankful.
What's different now than before is that I pray. I ask. I seek God.
No matter what, His will be done. And before I ever utter, "This can't be God" again...
I'll ask first.
Prayer Point: Lord, give those that may read this prayer a heart of compassion. With this compassion, they will be able to see past words and actions and see needs within their fellow men. I pray that we would get in the habit of seeking your will before declaring something is or isn't your will. I pray that You'd cause us to be sensitive and willing to adjust as you download answers into our hearts. May we recognize that in your Kingdom and Your divine will, there are no mistakes, only opportunities for the glory of Your grace to be revealed. These things we ask in the Name of Him who is called Faithful and True. Amen.
I came up in the traditional school of thought that divided life into two main categories: if you lived right, your life was good, if you didn't live right, your life was a mess.
That sounds really good rolling off the tongue until you're the one faced with circumstances that you don't understand. Then that leaves us to audit our actions, searching for that one word or deed that set off motions of vengeance in heaven against us. On the flip, it also leaves those of us who missed the mark and know it (definitely talking about myself here) bearing an unreasonably heavy burden of guilt, assuming that our actions brought us our just reward and therefore who are we to ask the Lord how long until help comes?
Guilt is the great divide.
I guess that's why our Blessed Saviour purchased our redemption with His own blood, just so that guilt and shame would no longer have to be our garments.
This year, I've had to ask myself some hard questions and reexamine some conclusions that I'd made. "That aint God!" How quickly we declare something to be of God and yet, we spend so very little time in His presence or His Word. So I guess the next question would be...
How do you know it isn't Him?
I'm crying. I'm hurting. This feels bad. This is uncomfortable. I never saw this coming. I never wanted this like this...
This CAN'T be God...right?
Sleeping with Bathsheba was a sin. The first child she bore for King David did not survive, as God in His righteous judgement required his life because of his father's shedding of the innocent blood of Uriah. But Bathsheba's second son, Solomon, God loved and he ascended to the throne of His father.
Sleeping with Hagar was not a sin in man's eyes, but it was a moral slip due to a lack of patience in the manifestation of God's promise of a natural born heir to Sarah and Abraham. Granted, well into their 90's, no one would begrudge them a panic attack or two. But the birth of Ishmael also opened a new world of drama to Abraham's household. But once again God, in His divine grace and wisdom, knew that as Abraham's seed, Ishmael too would be blessed, thus fulfilling the promise that all the nations of the earth would be blessed through his seed.
I've come to understand that sometimes what God allows to happen is just as magnificent as what He directly does. Sin is only an option to a heart predisposed to sin. You need neither God nor devil to sin. The very nature of man outside of the presence of God contains enough wickedness to give all of hell a good paid vacation.
David's decision to sleep with Uriah's wife then orchestrate his murder to cover his sin was his own, and he admitted it. But Bathsheba was God's divine plan. Without her, there would have been no Solomon.
All of creation will do the will of Almighty God. The "how" is the only variable in the equation.
Mankind may control his decisions, but God controls their consequences.
He will have mercy on whom He will have mercy.
The mistake I was making was assuming that just because I broke the order of things, sinned or in some cases, just didn't take the time to inquire of the Lord before I made a decision played into whether or not the will of the Lord was being done in my life. Surely my circumstances could serve as spiritual advisers, showing me which was was UP.
Sometimes life will contradict your assumptions..and so will God.
"Arise Peter, slay and eat!"
That can't be God!
But it was.
I had declared some things "not God" in my life. As a matter of fact, I even had help doing so. Most people, given the details of anyone's circumstances, particularly in the area of relationships would say "LEAVE". A lot of people assume that I stayed in relationship with my childrens' father for them. That is an incorrect assumption. We remained together as long as we did because I was honestly in love with him. But the pressure to quickly assess and determine whether or not a person was "of God" did us in. I couldn't wait for an answer.
I let go.
I can remember the second to the last breakup we experienced this year. I was tired, frustrated and not sure how to even try to work on the relationship. I was frankly tired of working. I was also of the school of thought that if it's of God, it most CERTAINLY doesn't need all of this elbow grease and meet all of this resistance! It's smooth sailing with God and when you're with a man of God, he rubs your feet at night while praying in tongues. SERIOUSLY?! lol!
With our breakup barely a month old, I was still hurting and missing him. I second guessed my decision to quit trying but I was raised to make a decision and stick to it. I was sitting under the dryer next to a delightful sister in Christ whom I'd met at a previous salon visit. She asked how "we" were doing and I told her we had broken up and were no longer together. She looked so disappointed. Then she said the words that almost rocked me out of my chair, "Sis, did you pray about it first?"
No, I hadn't.
I talked to my usual board of friends who were all about reacting and not "settling for less than God's best"!
But none of the "best chasers" suggested once that I pray before making a decision to end a relationship with the father of my two children.
I don't blame them. The final decision was mine to make and own. But bad counsel has broken up more homes than bad arguments.
We reconciled briefly and then I broke up again with him August of this year.
My reasons at the time sounded good in my own ears. Now they just sound selfish and cold. I want a closer relationship with God...I want God's best for my life...I need to be around people who build me up in the faith... Sounds GREAT in the halls of religion!
But in the huts and caves of the real world, it just sounds heartless.
So your God tells you I'm not good enough for you, I don't deserve you and that being with me tears you from Him. Wow, what a witness!
Now listen.. I'm no fool. I"m not telling anyone to stay in a relationship that puts them in any harm or danger. But how much Holy Ghost do you really have if you can't be around someone without losing your grip on your relationship with God? My children's father was not to blame for my lack of relationship with God. He never prevented me from praying or reading my bible or even attending church. He wasn't into any of those things according to my standards, but truth be told, I wasn't even living what I was expecting him to.
The funny thing about this whole experience is that the closer I got to God, the more I loved him. I feel more compassion and less judgemental. I celebrate the good in him instead of cataloging the negative.
I pray for him.
I don't know where we're going from here. We're not together and so far, our interaction is limited to visits with the children. But I savor those now and just let them be. I"m thankful that he's here for them and for me. My selfishness hurt him but it didn't destroy him and for that, I'm thankful.
What's different now than before is that I pray. I ask. I seek God.
No matter what, His will be done. And before I ever utter, "This can't be God" again...
I'll ask first.
Prayer Point: Lord, give those that may read this prayer a heart of compassion. With this compassion, they will be able to see past words and actions and see needs within their fellow men. I pray that we would get in the habit of seeking your will before declaring something is or isn't your will. I pray that You'd cause us to be sensitive and willing to adjust as you download answers into our hearts. May we recognize that in your Kingdom and Your divine will, there are no mistakes, only opportunities for the glory of Your grace to be revealed. These things we ask in the Name of Him who is called Faithful and True. Amen.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Roll Call
I can testify of the goodness of God. If you can somehow find the strength and will to make it to another day, He will meet you there with brand new mercy, grace and provision. I know that I'm just starting this journey called motherhood to some, but I've also made it further down the road that a woman who just put down the little stick with two pink stripes or the woman who gets to take her newborn home from the hospital in a couple of days.
The truth of the matter is, we each stand on a podium of achievement that others hope they will one day ascend to. I can remember looking forward to the day my children and I could have a real exchange of ideas, besides my simply trying to translate screams and tears. My son now says, "Mama, I love you" or "Are you ok mama?" which warms my heart. Whether he's able to comprehend the words that he speaks to me, I'm not always 100% sure of, but at least he can now articulate it and I eat it up.
If there's anything that I've learned just this year alone, it's that life is so much more difficult without the wisdom and counsel of God. This time last year, I was an emotional mess. I was 30 lbs heavier than I am now, steadily approaching 300 lbs, inflamed with heartburn and indigestion due to stress, restless, unhealthy and most certainly unhappy. I was a mess.
But even when you're not mindful of Him, I'm so glad that He's always mindful of you!
He's given me peace and rest on my job as well as peace of mind when it comes to childcare. The truth of the matter is that one of the most difficult things for a single working mom to overcome is the need for affordable and trustworthy childcare. Matthew has seen six different childcare providers in his 4 yr lifespan. There were many tearful days and fretful nights, trying to find last minute daycare so that I could go to work the next day. When I had the money to pay, I couldn't find a sitter, and when I didn't have the money, again, no sitter. There were many days I was late for work or took time off from work simply because I had no place to take my children while I worked. A lot of people don't understand the reality of childcare costs in this nation. It's absurd, just like healthcare costs. It's not unreasonable for some families to kick out as much as $1400 a MONTH in childcare expenses. Thankfully, I've never to pay that much, but in terms of its proportion to my take home pay, I'd say my daycare expenses are almost equal to my mortgage.
But God, in His faithfulness, has seen me through that and helped me to place my children in a church daycare. They are wonderful, loving, professional caregivers who love and respect the children as well as openly communicate with the parents. It is the blessing of my LIFE to have them in this facility!
I'd say the second hardest thing to deal with emotionally as a single working mom is my relationship with their father. lol! He is not a bad man. He is a very loving father. He has a great relationship with all three of his children. But our relationship has been difficult to reconcile. I'll admit, I can be rather "my way or the highway" in some respects but there are some things that we need not compromise on. Maturity is also a factor that I take into consideration on both our parts. It's not easy trying to build a relationship and raise two small children simultaneously and when two people are poorly equipped to manage such immense tasks as these, one usually suffers. In our case, our romantic relationship suffered.
The hardest part to deal with now is placing my own personal feelings regarding our romantic relationship aside and accepting him for the father he can be right now. That doesn't always meet my approval and yes, my expectations are high. My expectations of him as a father are high because the personal standard with which I hold myself accountable as a mother is high. And I know it is said that mothers are more nurturing than fathers but I didn't get the complete memo and I still believe that fathers serve an equally vital role in their childrens' upbringing.
I'm not the single mom that says #1, I don't need a man, and #2 my children don't need a father.
We need him!
But as I've seen God move on so many different levels of this journey, I commit this one to His care also. He is more than able to get me and my two little ones to the appointed destiny He has designed for us. I just have to make sure that I'm present and accounted for at roll call.
And I'll admit, sometimes, I haven't felt like showing up.
I felt like the burden of parenting alone was too heavy to bear and that I deserved HELP! And please tell me why the women who care the least about their men have his heart wrapped around their fingers?!! She literally rolls her eyes every time he speaks and is only with him because he hands over his check book, but he marries her and she wants for nothing. REALLY? SERIOUSLY?! lol!
I'm just being real.
And then there's me.
God, can you see me down here?
This is the year He let me know that He does indeed see me and even if a man doesn't acknowledge what I do as a mother, all the sacrificing and strain, He has recorded it all and will remember me! What a precious promise that is for me!
He sees me.
Even though there are many days I feel as if my children are raising me instead of the other way around, I'm always blown away with motherly pride when a teacher or parent comes up to me and says, "You have the sweetest children!"
I can't take the credit for it. I simply know within myself that God is doing something right and my agreement with His will is bearing fruit in the lives of my children.
There will be days when you honestly don't know how or why you're a mother and your confidence is on the ground. You feel defeated and so far from where you want to be. You can't see the finish line. But I want to encourage you to keep making roll call. What do I mean by that? I mean, wake up each day and show up to life. By doing so, you give God another opportunity to move mightily on your behalf. He said, "Ask and it shall be given.. knock and the door shall be opened". Waking up and facing another day is another way of seeking and knocking. Each day you decide to move forward, you are believing God to turn your circumstances around. I've been curled up in a bed of tears and grief within these 4 yrs of motherhood and I've also wiped away tears of joy and gratitude.
Melissa Lewis?
HERE!
Prayer Point: Lord, cause every person who may read this blog to find the strength to make roll call. May they trust you for another day. May they learn to look to you as their source of strength and guidance. Don't let them lose their hope in you. Don't let them faint. Help them to stand, even with buckling knees. Strengthen the weary, encourage the discouraged and heal the brokenhearted. They will survive. They will grow. They will prevail and they will be victorious in you. May we look toward the hills of each new day with the expectancy that our Help is coming. Amen.
The truth of the matter is, we each stand on a podium of achievement that others hope they will one day ascend to. I can remember looking forward to the day my children and I could have a real exchange of ideas, besides my simply trying to translate screams and tears. My son now says, "Mama, I love you" or "Are you ok mama?" which warms my heart. Whether he's able to comprehend the words that he speaks to me, I'm not always 100% sure of, but at least he can now articulate it and I eat it up.
If there's anything that I've learned just this year alone, it's that life is so much more difficult without the wisdom and counsel of God. This time last year, I was an emotional mess. I was 30 lbs heavier than I am now, steadily approaching 300 lbs, inflamed with heartburn and indigestion due to stress, restless, unhealthy and most certainly unhappy. I was a mess.
But even when you're not mindful of Him, I'm so glad that He's always mindful of you!
He's given me peace and rest on my job as well as peace of mind when it comes to childcare. The truth of the matter is that one of the most difficult things for a single working mom to overcome is the need for affordable and trustworthy childcare. Matthew has seen six different childcare providers in his 4 yr lifespan. There were many tearful days and fretful nights, trying to find last minute daycare so that I could go to work the next day. When I had the money to pay, I couldn't find a sitter, and when I didn't have the money, again, no sitter. There were many days I was late for work or took time off from work simply because I had no place to take my children while I worked. A lot of people don't understand the reality of childcare costs in this nation. It's absurd, just like healthcare costs. It's not unreasonable for some families to kick out as much as $1400 a MONTH in childcare expenses. Thankfully, I've never to pay that much, but in terms of its proportion to my take home pay, I'd say my daycare expenses are almost equal to my mortgage.
But God, in His faithfulness, has seen me through that and helped me to place my children in a church daycare. They are wonderful, loving, professional caregivers who love and respect the children as well as openly communicate with the parents. It is the blessing of my LIFE to have them in this facility!
I'd say the second hardest thing to deal with emotionally as a single working mom is my relationship with their father. lol! He is not a bad man. He is a very loving father. He has a great relationship with all three of his children. But our relationship has been difficult to reconcile. I'll admit, I can be rather "my way or the highway" in some respects but there are some things that we need not compromise on. Maturity is also a factor that I take into consideration on both our parts. It's not easy trying to build a relationship and raise two small children simultaneously and when two people are poorly equipped to manage such immense tasks as these, one usually suffers. In our case, our romantic relationship suffered.
The hardest part to deal with now is placing my own personal feelings regarding our romantic relationship aside and accepting him for the father he can be right now. That doesn't always meet my approval and yes, my expectations are high. My expectations of him as a father are high because the personal standard with which I hold myself accountable as a mother is high. And I know it is said that mothers are more nurturing than fathers but I didn't get the complete memo and I still believe that fathers serve an equally vital role in their childrens' upbringing.
I'm not the single mom that says #1, I don't need a man, and #2 my children don't need a father.
We need him!
But as I've seen God move on so many different levels of this journey, I commit this one to His care also. He is more than able to get me and my two little ones to the appointed destiny He has designed for us. I just have to make sure that I'm present and accounted for at roll call.
And I'll admit, sometimes, I haven't felt like showing up.
I felt like the burden of parenting alone was too heavy to bear and that I deserved HELP! And please tell me why the women who care the least about their men have his heart wrapped around their fingers?!! She literally rolls her eyes every time he speaks and is only with him because he hands over his check book, but he marries her and she wants for nothing. REALLY? SERIOUSLY?! lol!
I'm just being real.
And then there's me.
God, can you see me down here?
This is the year He let me know that He does indeed see me and even if a man doesn't acknowledge what I do as a mother, all the sacrificing and strain, He has recorded it all and will remember me! What a precious promise that is for me!
He sees me.
Even though there are many days I feel as if my children are raising me instead of the other way around, I'm always blown away with motherly pride when a teacher or parent comes up to me and says, "You have the sweetest children!"
I can't take the credit for it. I simply know within myself that God is doing something right and my agreement with His will is bearing fruit in the lives of my children.
There will be days when you honestly don't know how or why you're a mother and your confidence is on the ground. You feel defeated and so far from where you want to be. You can't see the finish line. But I want to encourage you to keep making roll call. What do I mean by that? I mean, wake up each day and show up to life. By doing so, you give God another opportunity to move mightily on your behalf. He said, "Ask and it shall be given.. knock and the door shall be opened". Waking up and facing another day is another way of seeking and knocking. Each day you decide to move forward, you are believing God to turn your circumstances around. I've been curled up in a bed of tears and grief within these 4 yrs of motherhood and I've also wiped away tears of joy and gratitude.
Melissa Lewis?
HERE!
Prayer Point: Lord, cause every person who may read this blog to find the strength to make roll call. May they trust you for another day. May they learn to look to you as their source of strength and guidance. Don't let them lose their hope in you. Don't let them faint. Help them to stand, even with buckling knees. Strengthen the weary, encourage the discouraged and heal the brokenhearted. They will survive. They will grow. They will prevail and they will be victorious in you. May we look toward the hills of each new day with the expectancy that our Help is coming. Amen.
Friday, November 26, 2010
The Motherhood and Stewardship Connection
I'll be the first to admit that one of the hardest things for me to deal with and to move past is the propensity to complain. As a single mother, I understand there's PLENTY to complain about: there's not enough money for pampers, daycare, doctor bills, medicine, utilities, rent, car payment, clothes. He didn't come to see his children this week. He didn't pick up the phone and call. \Both children were out sick with the flu and not only did he not take off time from work to help, I was stuck home alone with them, sacrificing time off from work. I can't find a babysitter. Nobody seems to walk to help me. On, and on, and on.
I know. I've been there.
Complaining is also made easier to do when you hang around complaining cheerleaders. You know the type of folks I'm talking about. Now we all have those "breakthrough friends"; the ones we call when we need the heavens pierced and a 24 hr blessing to rain down on us. We don't call them when we want to complain, No, we call those other folks, the complaining cheerleaders. Those are the ones who say, "Yea girl, I know how you feel. Let me tell you what my baby daddy did..." or "Girl, I wouldn't put up with that if I were you. You should drive by his job and show out!" And yes, I've driven by his house and his job before and "shown out"; not "go to jail and get a misdemeanor charge" show out, but enough to irk him and satiate my need for vengeance.
Complaining takes a whole lot of energy that quite frankly, a single mother can't afford to expend.
One of the biggest slaps of reality as a parent came in the form of realizing that there is ALWAYS something to think about and/or solve when you are a mother. Whether it's where are her purple socks or does his teacher have a list of his allergies, there's always SOMETHING to figure out. You'd think I would find plenty to do being the mom of two small children close in age. Not so. Most of my time early on was spent complaining.
I will be the first to admit that the first two years of motherhood were the most unpleasant. This is in no way a reflection on my children because they certainly brought nothing to the equation but innocence and unconditional love. But the misery came from my strife with their father. I was determined to make a relationship work with him that he was clearly not ready for and in the process, all of my attention, energy and investment of resources went into him and not into HIM and certainly not into "them".
When I talk to a woman who is clearly in a counterproductive relationship, my advice to her is never to leave him.
News flash to all the great spiritual giants out there who forgot what it feels like to be in love with a man, body and soul: telling a woman to leave a man she loves with her soul is like telling her to commit murder. Good luck with that! I take a different approach. I advise women to do what I did. Continue to love who you love. Continue to be with him if you must. But you must view your time and resources as currency and the people in your life as stock. When you invest in stock that under performs, at some point, you have a decision to make. Either you will sell or at least, you will diversify your investments.
My advice is to diversify your investments.
Invest more into the things and people who give your life the most returns. It wasn't instantaneous, but eventually, I began to diversify my investment and invest more heavily into my children than I did their father.
I began by simply establishing a bedtime.
Now before you scoff at me, you'd be surprised at how many young single mothers I've talked to whose children do not have bedtimes. I was one of them. And let's face it. If most of your time is spent on the phone or on the cellphone arguing and stalking your baby daddy, there's really not much time or occasion to establish any set bedtime for the children. And boy, did their father exploit this. It was nothing for him to show up on my doorstep at 10, 11p.m. or sometimes 2, 3, and 4 a.m. wanting to come in and "see his kids". But at the time, my children did not have a set bedtime because our schedule as a household was his. I waited by the window for him and so did my little ones, and when he came in at 10 or 11p.m. wanting to play with his small children who should have been asleep 3 -4 hours ago, he could. So I set a bedtime: 8 p.m. Not only did I set it, I honored it. I stuck to it. I made sure everyone understood it. I clearly communicated it. And the first time their father tried to violate it, I SHUT HIM DOWN. More than once, he's stood on my doorstep and been told, "You can come back tomorrow. They're in the bed now". It was not an easy battle but it was soon won.
Be consistent. That is a single mother's greatest weapon.
So what does that wonderful story of my personal battle with nonsense and baby daddy foolishness have to do with stewardship?
I'll do my best to tie this all in.
One of the biggest enemies of a single mother is her propensity to complain.
When you complain, you are not acknowledging the blessings you have but rather, amplifying your ingratitude for them in the ears of Almighty God.
That's right mamas: God is listening.
Just like He hears every prayer, He also hears every complaint. I can't tell you how many times I heard someone try to derail my complaining train with the truth such as "well, at least you have a roof over your head and a good job", or "he may not give you enough money every time he gets paid but it's more than my baby daddy has EVER given me". I can't tell you how many times I shook it off and got right back on the complain train. I did have a roof over head. I did have food for them. I did have a good job with benefits that insured both of my children. I did have a baby daddy who saw his children often, in comparison to other dads and even though he didn't give me enough money, he did and does give me some for them.
It occurred to me recently that motherhood is stewardship. If we are faithful over a few things, He will make us rulers over many.
It didn't even dawn on me that how I behaved as a mother, however unpleasant I deemed my circumstances, was being observed by God. I had forgotten that these children belonged to Him first and that I was just here to temporarily guide them in this earthly realm until such time as their destiny and purpose was brought into fruition. I was slow in recognizing that this was an opportunity for me to show God what I was made of.
Stop complaining and start impressing.
I'm not a perfect mom but I'm a better mom because of the grace and manifold wisdom of God. Instituting a bedtime was His idea. As a result, I saw my children settle down and calm down behaviorally in ways that I'd never seen. We developed our own routine. We became a household. We set a rhythm that we now live by. They know what to expect. I am consistent. I am invested.
I am a steward.
Prayer Point: Father, I ask that every mother reading this would become keenly aware of the stewardship of motherhood. May she function with an awareness that your eyes are upon her. Cause her to know that every sacrifice, every effort to correct, improve and guide the daily lives of the children in her charge has not gone unrecorded by You. May we seek your face for wisdom, direction and precision. May we diversify our investments of time, attention and resources and pour into those people and things that bring us the biggest returns. May our children receive a bigger slice of the pie chart and may You receive the biggest. May we seek Your face daily so that we may be better stewards over the children that you have given into our care. May Your great Name be exalted in and through us. May our circumstances no longer cause us to complain but to seek Your face all the more fervently. In Jesus' Name we pray these things. Amen.
I know. I've been there.
Complaining is also made easier to do when you hang around complaining cheerleaders. You know the type of folks I'm talking about. Now we all have those "breakthrough friends"; the ones we call when we need the heavens pierced and a 24 hr blessing to rain down on us. We don't call them when we want to complain, No, we call those other folks, the complaining cheerleaders. Those are the ones who say, "Yea girl, I know how you feel. Let me tell you what my baby daddy did..." or "Girl, I wouldn't put up with that if I were you. You should drive by his job and show out!" And yes, I've driven by his house and his job before and "shown out"; not "go to jail and get a misdemeanor charge" show out, but enough to irk him and satiate my need for vengeance.
Complaining takes a whole lot of energy that quite frankly, a single mother can't afford to expend.
One of the biggest slaps of reality as a parent came in the form of realizing that there is ALWAYS something to think about and/or solve when you are a mother. Whether it's where are her purple socks or does his teacher have a list of his allergies, there's always SOMETHING to figure out. You'd think I would find plenty to do being the mom of two small children close in age. Not so. Most of my time early on was spent complaining.
I will be the first to admit that the first two years of motherhood were the most unpleasant. This is in no way a reflection on my children because they certainly brought nothing to the equation but innocence and unconditional love. But the misery came from my strife with their father. I was determined to make a relationship work with him that he was clearly not ready for and in the process, all of my attention, energy and investment of resources went into him and not into HIM and certainly not into "them".
When I talk to a woman who is clearly in a counterproductive relationship, my advice to her is never to leave him.
News flash to all the great spiritual giants out there who forgot what it feels like to be in love with a man, body and soul: telling a woman to leave a man she loves with her soul is like telling her to commit murder. Good luck with that! I take a different approach. I advise women to do what I did. Continue to love who you love. Continue to be with him if you must. But you must view your time and resources as currency and the people in your life as stock. When you invest in stock that under performs, at some point, you have a decision to make. Either you will sell or at least, you will diversify your investments.
My advice is to diversify your investments.
Invest more into the things and people who give your life the most returns. It wasn't instantaneous, but eventually, I began to diversify my investment and invest more heavily into my children than I did their father.
I began by simply establishing a bedtime.
Now before you scoff at me, you'd be surprised at how many young single mothers I've talked to whose children do not have bedtimes. I was one of them. And let's face it. If most of your time is spent on the phone or on the cellphone arguing and stalking your baby daddy, there's really not much time or occasion to establish any set bedtime for the children. And boy, did their father exploit this. It was nothing for him to show up on my doorstep at 10, 11p.m. or sometimes 2, 3, and 4 a.m. wanting to come in and "see his kids". But at the time, my children did not have a set bedtime because our schedule as a household was his. I waited by the window for him and so did my little ones, and when he came in at 10 or 11p.m. wanting to play with his small children who should have been asleep 3 -4 hours ago, he could. So I set a bedtime: 8 p.m. Not only did I set it, I honored it. I stuck to it. I made sure everyone understood it. I clearly communicated it. And the first time their father tried to violate it, I SHUT HIM DOWN. More than once, he's stood on my doorstep and been told, "You can come back tomorrow. They're in the bed now". It was not an easy battle but it was soon won.
Be consistent. That is a single mother's greatest weapon.
So what does that wonderful story of my personal battle with nonsense and baby daddy foolishness have to do with stewardship?
I'll do my best to tie this all in.
One of the biggest enemies of a single mother is her propensity to complain.
When you complain, you are not acknowledging the blessings you have but rather, amplifying your ingratitude for them in the ears of Almighty God.
That's right mamas: God is listening.
Just like He hears every prayer, He also hears every complaint. I can't tell you how many times I heard someone try to derail my complaining train with the truth such as "well, at least you have a roof over your head and a good job", or "he may not give you enough money every time he gets paid but it's more than my baby daddy has EVER given me". I can't tell you how many times I shook it off and got right back on the complain train. I did have a roof over head. I did have food for them. I did have a good job with benefits that insured both of my children. I did have a baby daddy who saw his children often, in comparison to other dads and even though he didn't give me enough money, he did and does give me some for them.
It occurred to me recently that motherhood is stewardship. If we are faithful over a few things, He will make us rulers over many.
It didn't even dawn on me that how I behaved as a mother, however unpleasant I deemed my circumstances, was being observed by God. I had forgotten that these children belonged to Him first and that I was just here to temporarily guide them in this earthly realm until such time as their destiny and purpose was brought into fruition. I was slow in recognizing that this was an opportunity for me to show God what I was made of.
Stop complaining and start impressing.
I'm not a perfect mom but I'm a better mom because of the grace and manifold wisdom of God. Instituting a bedtime was His idea. As a result, I saw my children settle down and calm down behaviorally in ways that I'd never seen. We developed our own routine. We became a household. We set a rhythm that we now live by. They know what to expect. I am consistent. I am invested.
I am a steward.
Prayer Point: Father, I ask that every mother reading this would become keenly aware of the stewardship of motherhood. May she function with an awareness that your eyes are upon her. Cause her to know that every sacrifice, every effort to correct, improve and guide the daily lives of the children in her charge has not gone unrecorded by You. May we seek your face for wisdom, direction and precision. May we diversify our investments of time, attention and resources and pour into those people and things that bring us the biggest returns. May our children receive a bigger slice of the pie chart and may You receive the biggest. May we seek Your face daily so that we may be better stewards over the children that you have given into our care. May Your great Name be exalted in and through us. May our circumstances no longer cause us to complain but to seek Your face all the more fervently. In Jesus' Name we pray these things. Amen.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
My Prayer For Hagar
I pray for every soul that like Hagar, bought into a plan that needed her to get off the ground and once it flew, left her on the ground. I pray for every soul that fought to reclaim its dignity but instead was thrown out. I pray for every ...soul that watched one child's birthday be celebrated and another be ignored. I pray for every soul that feels like a slave, a servant to folks that need u but refuse to honor you. I pray for the soul that like Hagar, finds itself in a desert with a child on the brink of death. I pray for the soul that has just about decided that the naysayers were right: you are worthless and will NEVER be as good as us. I pray that like Hagar, you would be surrounded by God's loving presence and reassured that you are not forgotten. When no one else sees what you do, He never takes His eyes off you. Every stinky diaper, every sacrifice, every broken promise, every misstep...He is the God who sees and He honors those who honor Him. Whatever you do, turn it around and do it as unto the Lord. Someone had to change Moses' diaper. Someone had to be Martin Luther King's professor. Whatever you do, realize you are a part of His dvine plan and your labor is not in vain. He sees you. Amen.
Friday, November 05, 2010
"Baby Mama": Badge Of Honor?
I'm not oblivious to the fact that referring to myself as a "baby mama" may not bode well with some. For those who are acquainted with American culture, it is a title that carries a variety of meanings but for the sake of discussion, I'll give you my best working definition. The term "baby mama" refers to an unmarried woman who is the mother of a child or children. Typically, the father of the child or children refers to her as "my baby mama" and others refer to her as "John's baby mama". She is not a wife. This title is meant to establish a clear line between a wife, a girlfriend, and a baby mama. Is it possible to be a girlfriend and a baby mama? Yes. However, typically, a man will not refer to the woman he is in a committed relationship with as his "baby mama" only. This term defines status. It is intended by men to let the mother of their children as well as society know that his involvement with this woman is based solely on the fact that she is the mother of his children.
Now do the boundary lines get crossed? Absolutely. Many men take advantage of the parental obligation to maintain a physical relationship with the mother(s) of his children. But be clear on something ladies: if he calls you his "baby mama". that's who you are. What a man calls you is who you are to him.
I beg to differ with individuals who do not see the need to establish titles in their relationships with the opposite sex. With titles come roles, and with roles come responsibilities. If I am your "baby mama", then I am clearly a lesser status than wife. I do not enjoy the same benefits, honor or privilege as either a wife or a girlfriend.
And let's go ahead and get this out in the open: the goal is to be a man's wife. Most women, whether they will be honest about it or not, want to be a man's wife. In our current society, most women have conceded that the men they deal with will never crown them with the title of "wife" so instead, they barter for wife-like roles and titles: "my old lady", "my boo:", "my lady", All of these sound good and have pacified many a woman (myself included) but a pacifier doesn't nourish; it only distracts. When the hunger pains return, the pacifier is no longer sufficient.
"So Melissa, I hear all you're saying. So do you think it's a bad thing for a woman to be called a "baby mama" and to allow a man to call her a "baby mama"?
You may not like or agree with my answer, but hopefully, you will understand it. I think it is a bad thing for a woman to be called a "baby mama" both by the father(s) of her children or society. And on the flip side, I believe that she should be called a baby mama by her father's children and society.
I fought the label tooth and nail initially. I was 27 years old when I became pregnant with my son Matthew and 28 when I gave birth to him. I was not about to settle for the derogatory title of "baby mama". I was educated. I was employed. I was responsible. I was capable of supporting a child alone. And with all that "good sense" I chose to have a child with a man who could not and would not highly esteem me.
I'm not saying that I or anyone else should beat themselves up about their mistakes or shortcomings. However, there's no need in sugarcoating the truth either. Having a man's child or children does not necessarily endear you to him. Just ask Leah. Male child after male child she bore for Jacob, hoping with each child to find favor in his sight and to finally be the recipient of his love.
But Rachel was his wife.
Leah was his "baby mama".
I think every woman who is not married to the man or men she had children with (and never was married) should wear the title like a heavy burden. Wear it until it disgusts you. Wear it until you see the dishonor a man brings to you when he refuses to honor you with his last name. Wear it, not as a badge of honor, but as a reminder of just how wrong it is for a man to have a girlfriend and a "baby mama" simultaneously. Wear it, not as a badge of honor, but as a slap of reality that hits your face every time you hear someone utter the words, "Oh, there goes John's baby mama".
I've accepted the fact that to my children's father, I am just a baby mama. At first I resisted this reality but accepting it was just as liberating as it was painful. The competition stopped. I stopped trying to buy his affection, approval and love with my body. I stopped trying to get a "promotion" to a job that wasn't even hiring.
I accepted the fact that to this man, that's all I am.
\Let me set the record straight. I do not refer to myself as a "baby mama". I am a mom, mama, mommy, and whatever delightful title my children bestow upon me. But it is my desire to live with the sobering understanding that allowing a man to dishonor me is not something to write an anthem over. God bless Fantasia Barrino and I understand completely her intention with her hit song "Baby Mama". There are many women who are heading up households alone; they must be handyman and nurse, security guard and teacher. Oh course women who faithfully attend to the needs of their children and homes are worthy of honor and respect. But women who settle for "baby mama status" need a wake up call.
Graduate to Mother.
I am a baby mama to one man, but to God, I am the mother of two nations. My children are a heritage given to me by God and despite the circumstances that brought them here, their lives, because their mother has chosen to allow God to be the head of her life, are full of blessing and promise.
It is my intention to stop :baby mamas that may read my blog in passing. I mean no offense to seasoned, godly mothers by using such a colloquial term to refer to unmarried mothers. However, once the attention is grabbed, the message is declared.
Prayer Point: Father, in the Name of Your Son Jesus, I ask that you would cause me to take a critical look at my life and actions. May I see the areas where I have allowed my honor to be compromised. May I no longer be content with chasing a promotion to a status that someone has not intention of delivering to me. Open my eyes to my own unique worth in your Kingdom. Show me that as a mother, I am now aligned with a cloud of witnesses who understand my struggles, not the least of which was your own earthly mother, who endured the speculation regarding the legitimacy of your birth. Cause me to cast off my badge and put on a crown. These things I ask in your Holy Name. Amen.
Inspirational Song of the Moment
This song has transported me to places of peaceful worship many a day. Maybe you're having a day or have had a week where you're feeling overwhelmed, helpless and a bit defeated. Allow this simple worship song to remind you that there's a place in God where you can run and find peace and rest.
"I Will Run" Freddy Rodriguez
Now do the boundary lines get crossed? Absolutely. Many men take advantage of the parental obligation to maintain a physical relationship with the mother(s) of his children. But be clear on something ladies: if he calls you his "baby mama". that's who you are. What a man calls you is who you are to him.
I beg to differ with individuals who do not see the need to establish titles in their relationships with the opposite sex. With titles come roles, and with roles come responsibilities. If I am your "baby mama", then I am clearly a lesser status than wife. I do not enjoy the same benefits, honor or privilege as either a wife or a girlfriend.
And let's go ahead and get this out in the open: the goal is to be a man's wife. Most women, whether they will be honest about it or not, want to be a man's wife. In our current society, most women have conceded that the men they deal with will never crown them with the title of "wife" so instead, they barter for wife-like roles and titles: "my old lady", "my boo:", "my lady", All of these sound good and have pacified many a woman (myself included) but a pacifier doesn't nourish; it only distracts. When the hunger pains return, the pacifier is no longer sufficient.
"So Melissa, I hear all you're saying. So do you think it's a bad thing for a woman to be called a "baby mama" and to allow a man to call her a "baby mama"?
You may not like or agree with my answer, but hopefully, you will understand it. I think it is a bad thing for a woman to be called a "baby mama" both by the father(s) of her children or society. And on the flip side, I believe that she should be called a baby mama by her father's children and society.
I fought the label tooth and nail initially. I was 27 years old when I became pregnant with my son Matthew and 28 when I gave birth to him. I was not about to settle for the derogatory title of "baby mama". I was educated. I was employed. I was responsible. I was capable of supporting a child alone. And with all that "good sense" I chose to have a child with a man who could not and would not highly esteem me.
I'm not saying that I or anyone else should beat themselves up about their mistakes or shortcomings. However, there's no need in sugarcoating the truth either. Having a man's child or children does not necessarily endear you to him. Just ask Leah. Male child after male child she bore for Jacob, hoping with each child to find favor in his sight and to finally be the recipient of his love.
But Rachel was his wife.
Leah was his "baby mama".
I think every woman who is not married to the man or men she had children with (and never was married) should wear the title like a heavy burden. Wear it until it disgusts you. Wear it until you see the dishonor a man brings to you when he refuses to honor you with his last name. Wear it, not as a badge of honor, but as a reminder of just how wrong it is for a man to have a girlfriend and a "baby mama" simultaneously. Wear it, not as a badge of honor, but as a slap of reality that hits your face every time you hear someone utter the words, "Oh, there goes John's baby mama".
I've accepted the fact that to my children's father, I am just a baby mama. At first I resisted this reality but accepting it was just as liberating as it was painful. The competition stopped. I stopped trying to buy his affection, approval and love with my body. I stopped trying to get a "promotion" to a job that wasn't even hiring.
I accepted the fact that to this man, that's all I am.
\Let me set the record straight. I do not refer to myself as a "baby mama". I am a mom, mama, mommy, and whatever delightful title my children bestow upon me. But it is my desire to live with the sobering understanding that allowing a man to dishonor me is not something to write an anthem over. God bless Fantasia Barrino and I understand completely her intention with her hit song "Baby Mama". There are many women who are heading up households alone; they must be handyman and nurse, security guard and teacher. Oh course women who faithfully attend to the needs of their children and homes are worthy of honor and respect. But women who settle for "baby mama status" need a wake up call.
Graduate to Mother.
I am a baby mama to one man, but to God, I am the mother of two nations. My children are a heritage given to me by God and despite the circumstances that brought them here, their lives, because their mother has chosen to allow God to be the head of her life, are full of blessing and promise.
It is my intention to stop :baby mamas that may read my blog in passing. I mean no offense to seasoned, godly mothers by using such a colloquial term to refer to unmarried mothers. However, once the attention is grabbed, the message is declared.
Prayer Point: Father, in the Name of Your Son Jesus, I ask that you would cause me to take a critical look at my life and actions. May I see the areas where I have allowed my honor to be compromised. May I no longer be content with chasing a promotion to a status that someone has not intention of delivering to me. Open my eyes to my own unique worth in your Kingdom. Show me that as a mother, I am now aligned with a cloud of witnesses who understand my struggles, not the least of which was your own earthly mother, who endured the speculation regarding the legitimacy of your birth. Cause me to cast off my badge and put on a crown. These things I ask in your Holy Name. Amen.
Inspirational Song of the Moment
This song has transported me to places of peaceful worship many a day. Maybe you're having a day or have had a week where you're feeling overwhelmed, helpless and a bit defeated. Allow this simple worship song to remind you that there's a place in God where you can run and find peace and rest.
"I Will Run" Freddy Rodriguez
The Fear Of Beginning
You Have To Start Somewhere
How do you end the paralysis? How do you move from standing on the sidewalk of life, waiting for a clear opening into traffic? How do you MOVE? That's the question I'm seeking God's help in answering. Funny thing is, the answer has been right under my nose for quite some time.
When I was in high school and college, there was this little thing my teachers and professors called a "rough draft". Let me back up. Before we even got to the point of a rough draft, there was another little thing they liked to call an outline. Hang on. Before the outline came the research. Ok. So before we could even start writing the essay or thesis we were assigned, we first had to research our topic. The next step was, from our research, we had to create an outline. What did you learn from your research? What were some key elements and facts obtained about the point of study? Then, once an outline was created, we were then permitted to start our rough draft. *disclaimer* I've been out of school for over 12 yrs. If you are an English major (which I was not... lol!) and are gasping in horror from my inaccuracy, my apologies. I'm saying all of this more for the sake of example than for teaching someone how to write a fine piece of literature. Once the first draft was completed and submitted, it was usually returned, full of dashes, dots, lines, arrows and notes scribbled in every corner by the professor or teacher. Then came the second draft. If you were in tune with the instructor's expectations, you were probably spared the burden of having to submit a third draft. Thankfully, I was one of the fortunate ones who could pick up on what my professors were looking for and deliver by the second draft. Once the final draft was submitted and approved, you were then given the green light to create and turn in a final draft, The final draft was the goal; but in between, was a refining process.
Back to the question I first posed: how do you overcome the fear of beginning?
First, you give up the incessant need to be cute and pretty. A good example is of my 4 yr old son Matthew, who is learning how to write in preschool. At one point, he became so obsessed with perfection that he flatly refused to write anything on his paper. Instead, he dissolved into a puddle of tears and yelled, "I CAN'T DO IT!" helpful hint: You can't help anyone who refuses to demonstrate, no matter how imperfect, the goal they intend to reach, and likewise, you can't expect to improve anything you refuse to take out of your head and put on paper, on video, or whatever medium your goal conforms to. After some serious coaxing, I encouraged him to just move his pencil. Show me what he thought the letter may look like. Once he began to "move" his pencil, I could then see where I could help him write better and also praise what he was doing correctly.
Motherhood is no different from any other task we may face in life that seems imposing. There are days when I feel as if the job is too big for me. How do I raise two children without their father? "How" is such a deceptive little word that has gotten so many people in trouble. Don't ask how, just move. I brought my son home from the hospital. When I had a question, I called my mom. I fed him. I changed his diaper. I held him and changed his clothes. I bathed him. I took him to doctor visits. What if I had gotten lost in the land of "how"? That's not to say I did everything perfectly. I made my fair share of mistakes and still do. But four years later, I can say that we conquer our fear of beginning by assignment.
God blesses the works of our hands, not the folding of them. Whether you're like me, and your assignment is to raise children or your assignment is to start your own business, conquering the "fear of beginning" can be done.
Don't dismay because the task seems to big for you. If it's too big for you, that means that there will be others who come alongside to help you. Receive the help in the Name of the Lord and move FORWARD!
Inspirational Song of the Moment:
The song "Champion" by Darwin Hobbs has ministered to me on many occasion. In need of a spiritual energy boost? This song will do it!
Prayer Point: Father, I ask in the Name of Your Son Jesus Christ for the strength, wisdom and capacity to conquer my fear of beginning. As I take steps in the direction of my goal, may You send those alongside who will mentor and inspire me. Thank You for the assurance that a Champion (The Spirit of The Lord Jesus Christ) lives within me!
"Champion" by Darwin Hobbs
How do you end the paralysis? How do you move from standing on the sidewalk of life, waiting for a clear opening into traffic? How do you MOVE? That's the question I'm seeking God's help in answering. Funny thing is, the answer has been right under my nose for quite some time.
When I was in high school and college, there was this little thing my teachers and professors called a "rough draft". Let me back up. Before we even got to the point of a rough draft, there was another little thing they liked to call an outline. Hang on. Before the outline came the research. Ok. So before we could even start writing the essay or thesis we were assigned, we first had to research our topic. The next step was, from our research, we had to create an outline. What did you learn from your research? What were some key elements and facts obtained about the point of study? Then, once an outline was created, we were then permitted to start our rough draft. *disclaimer* I've been out of school for over 12 yrs. If you are an English major (which I was not... lol!) and are gasping in horror from my inaccuracy, my apologies. I'm saying all of this more for the sake of example than for teaching someone how to write a fine piece of literature. Once the first draft was completed and submitted, it was usually returned, full of dashes, dots, lines, arrows and notes scribbled in every corner by the professor or teacher. Then came the second draft. If you were in tune with the instructor's expectations, you were probably spared the burden of having to submit a third draft. Thankfully, I was one of the fortunate ones who could pick up on what my professors were looking for and deliver by the second draft. Once the final draft was submitted and approved, you were then given the green light to create and turn in a final draft, The final draft was the goal; but in between, was a refining process.
Back to the question I first posed: how do you overcome the fear of beginning?
First, you give up the incessant need to be cute and pretty. A good example is of my 4 yr old son Matthew, who is learning how to write in preschool. At one point, he became so obsessed with perfection that he flatly refused to write anything on his paper. Instead, he dissolved into a puddle of tears and yelled, "I CAN'T DO IT!" helpful hint: You can't help anyone who refuses to demonstrate, no matter how imperfect, the goal they intend to reach, and likewise, you can't expect to improve anything you refuse to take out of your head and put on paper, on video, or whatever medium your goal conforms to. After some serious coaxing, I encouraged him to just move his pencil. Show me what he thought the letter may look like. Once he began to "move" his pencil, I could then see where I could help him write better and also praise what he was doing correctly.
Motherhood is no different from any other task we may face in life that seems imposing. There are days when I feel as if the job is too big for me. How do I raise two children without their father? "How" is such a deceptive little word that has gotten so many people in trouble. Don't ask how, just move. I brought my son home from the hospital. When I had a question, I called my mom. I fed him. I changed his diaper. I held him and changed his clothes. I bathed him. I took him to doctor visits. What if I had gotten lost in the land of "how"? That's not to say I did everything perfectly. I made my fair share of mistakes and still do. But four years later, I can say that we conquer our fear of beginning by assignment.
- Seek the face of God. Most of us already know what it is that we should be doing; it's that nagging little thing that leaps every time you see someone else doing it successfully while you're still stuck in park. However, there are those who sincerely do not know what it is that they should be doing and have not yet identified their gift, purpose or passion. Bottom line is that prayer brings direction. If you want to know where to go, ask the One who sent you in the first place. "It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves", right?
- Don't be afraid to get dirty. Rarely does anything come together in the first run. Artists usually have more than one version of their final work of art, writers go through several drafts before finding the one that makes the final cut and pleases the editors. It is in the exercise and use of a thing that it develops and perfects itself. So what you lose your voice after 3 minutes of singing or aren't too sure about proper punctuation?! GET MOVING. Instead of waiting for your success to be something that falls into your hands like a winning lottery ticket, think of it as something that you're creating, much like a picture or like an athlete training for a competition.
- Assign yourself a task. There are certain duties that come along with each goal or aspiration. If it's mothering, it's the care of your child's physical and emotional needs. If you desire to get into shape, it's investing in a good pair of sneakers or paying for a gym membership. If it is writing, it's doing research on the topic you desire to write about and from that research creating an outline.
- Find someone to whom you can be accountable. If you are writing, that would be a friend, colleague or relative with enough compassion to encourage you along but enough guts to get out the red ink pen when you have too many run-on sentences.This person will be your motivation on days you feel less than stellar and can also help you create "mini assignments" that lead you back to the main goal.
God blesses the works of our hands, not the folding of them. Whether you're like me, and your assignment is to raise children or your assignment is to start your own business, conquering the "fear of beginning" can be done.
Don't dismay because the task seems to big for you. If it's too big for you, that means that there will be others who come alongside to help you. Receive the help in the Name of the Lord and move FORWARD!
Inspirational Song of the Moment:
The song "Champion" by Darwin Hobbs has ministered to me on many occasion. In need of a spiritual energy boost? This song will do it!
Prayer Point: Father, I ask in the Name of Your Son Jesus Christ for the strength, wisdom and capacity to conquer my fear of beginning. As I take steps in the direction of my goal, may You send those alongside who will mentor and inspire me. Thank You for the assurance that a Champion (The Spirit of The Lord Jesus Christ) lives within me!
"Champion" by Darwin Hobbs
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