I can remember a time in my life when it seemed like everything was pressing in on me all at the same time. I was under such intense pressure; my weight ballooned, my stress went through the roof and my health began to fail. At the time, I thought all that was missing was a stable, loving relationship. I had a "man" (I guess you could say) but I was always in doubt, wondering if he loved me as much as I loved him (turns out he didn't) and if our relationship would ever be what I'd hoped it would be. I can remember saying to myself, as my finances were in shambles and I was struggling to make our ends meet, "I'd give up everything: the house, the car, everything...and I'd live in a one bedroom apartment with my two children and my man, and be happy. Just as long as we were all together and loved each other".
Well, I never got that desire, and thank God I didn't.
But here lately, my mind has wandered back to that place of desperation where I used to be. My heart longed for the love, company and fellowship of a man. I just wanted him to hold me, love me, tell me I was beautiful. I just wanted him to WANT me. I wanted him to want to spend time with me. I didn't care if we lived in a run down trailer with dirt for a yard. As long as he was there and he loved me...I'd be proud of OUR trailer and our dirt for a yard. I'd live in a one bedroom apartment if he invited me there. It didn't matter that it wasn't fancy, it just mattered that he desired me. If he desired me, I'd give him the best of me. I'd do all I could to make our house a home. I'd use every resource I had to make our lives better together.
Hmm.
That's how I used to feel about a man...
A human being..
A creature full of flaws, just like me.
I was willing to sacrifice everything I had, everything I'd ever owned, and everything I was, just to be his.
And then it hit me...
What if I had the same longing, hunger, and passion for God?
What if I said to Him, "Lord, I don't care about material things, houses, cars, and clothes. I just want You! Wherever you are, that's where I want to be, and wherever You are will be home to me"?
What if my heart longed for Him as it had at one time longed for a man full of flaws and faults, unable to heal or deliver me?
What if I fell in love with Jesus again?
A couple of services ago, my man of God, Apostle Ricardo Watson taught about the saddest verse in the bible. It reads as follows:
"Go up to the land flowing with milk and honey. But I will not go with you,
because you are a stiff-necked people and I might destroy you on the way." Exodus 33:3
Apostle Watson explained to us that God was going to give them everything He promised them and everything they wanted. He told them they could go in and possess the Promised Land. He would give them everything they wanted, but He would not go with them. How sad it is for our loving God to see how madly in love we are with things while our hearts are far from Him. May He never say to any of us, "Here. You can have everything your heart, soul and body have been longing for. You can have the house. You can have the man or the woman. You can have the job and the riches. I'll let you have it. But I won't go with you anymore".
So at this point in my life, sure, we all want our needs met. We want a place to stay, clothes to wear and food to eat. We want to dwell in a degree of comfort, that is true. But I want nothing at the expense of the presence of God.
There was a time in my life when i was willing to give up everything for the sake of a relationship- a MAN. Nothing else mattered to me but that man.
Now, nothing else matters to me but God.
There's a price to be paid to walk with God.
People will look at you like you're extreme and fanatical. You may lose friends...
Family too.
You may have to walk away from some opportunities of a lifetime.
You may have to walk away from a relationship.
But how valuable is His presence to you?
What have you been willing to trade His presence in your life for?
And once you answer that question, answer this one:
What are you willing to trade that His presence might return?
Lord, I'm in love with You and nothing else matters.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Love Your Enemies...
Matthew 5:43-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect".
My, what a scripture! I will admit that for years, complete understanding of this verse alluded me. I'll be the first one to testify that I at one time found it nearly impossible to fully embrace the words it contained. There are some words that require a level of maturity to comprehend and embrace. These are called the "hard sayings".
How on earth does God expect us to love those who have wronged us? To pray for those who have "despitefully used us?" How exactly could we accomplish what appeared to be such an impossible command?
The truth of the matter is that it is impossible to the flesh but it is not impossible for those who walk in the Spirit and are mature.
Why?
It takes revelation to understand the scriptures. Forget about understanding the bible in 12 months after reading it from cover to cover as a part of your New Year's Resolution. You are more than welcome to read the entire bible as there is no harm in doing so. However, to expect to be able to comprehend all scripture in 12 months is unrealistic. We receive revelation of scripture at different moments in our lives and at different levels of maturity. Psalms 23 meant one thing to me at the age of 13 when I was first filled with the Holy Spirit. It now means something different to me.
God reveals Himself to us at different ages and stages of our lives. We see more of Him as we mature in age, grow in grace, and maintain a hunger and thirst for Him.
Having said that, I now have a better understanding of what this scripture means. Let me explain the process that brought me to this point.
My man of God is a praying man. I'm not talking about 5 minutes of deacon like praying. This man labors for HOURS in God's presence. He literally prays for hours at a time. He also fasts extensively. As a result, he has challenged us in these areas. As I've began to pray more on a daily basis, I have discovered some things about myself that I did not know were there.
For starts, for the last two years, my life has undergone a spiritual renewal. The burdens of my heart have lifted and there is hope in my life that I've never had. When I was involved in a certain relationship last year, I would pray fervently for him. I would walk the floor, crying out to God for him and praying that God would save and deliver him. However, when the relationship went south and this person became more like an enemy than a friend, I stopped praying for him-COMPLETELY.
You couldn't get me to part my lips in prayer for him.
It wasn't going to happen.
For a year this prayer strike went on and I refused to pray for him anymore, seeing as to how the outcome of the relationship was not what I wanted. Why on EARTH would I pray for someone who'd caused so much pain in my life? Why would I call his name out in the presence of God, asking for mercy and grace? Why would I even ask God to open the heavens over him, as I'd asked Him to open them over me?
Are you KIDDING me?!
And then the revelation came...
"He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous..."
I too was a recipient of God's unmerited favor and limitless mercy. How proud and arrogant I'd become to assume that the only one in the situation in need of God's mercy and grace was the one who caused ME pain.
God showed me that I too needed to repent of sins I'd committed on a daily basis. No, my sins may not be those like the person who hurt me, but they were forgiven just the same and the same Grace and mercy was extended to me as was to my enemy.
Wow.
It takes maturity and growth to see this.
I could not see two years ago that I needed Grace and mercy daily. I had adopted a proud spirit and assumed that because I was doing "most of the right things" that I deserved more of God's Grace and goodness. Not so. I stopped praying for my enemy because I didn't want God to bless him as He was blessing me. Why would I want to see my enemy doing good?
But the Holy Spirit wouldn't let me go. He said, "At some point in time, you were some one's enemy as well. What if I had dealt with you the way they wanted me to?"
I yield.
God knows He hasn't dealt with me according to what I deserve! He has shown me Grace and mercy beyond my comprehension. Mistake after mistake and stubborn act after stubborn act, His mercy cushioned my fall and softened the blow I deserved to take with full force. What if He had dealt with me according to MY sins and faults? Where would I be? So what does it say about MY heart to want Him to deal with someone else according to theirs?
Is that the heart of God? Is that His nature?
You see, you can't understand the nature of God apart from fellowship with Him. The more time you spend in prayer and in the Word, you begin to understand more about Him. He's not a human being. He doesn't think like us. If He did, there would be no human race. He would have wiped us all out for more than justifiable reasons. It only takes 10 minutes in front of a TV to see that He is merciful to us and doesn't deal with us according to our sins.
Two days ago, I called this person's name out in prayer for the first time in over a year. Now this may not sound like much to you, but it was monumental for me. Imagine someone who has hurt you to your soul being at the top of your prayer list. Maybe now you can understand how far I've come. But there was healing in that moment and liberty. My desire is not that the one who hurt me get "his" anymore. My desire is that He would come to know the Grace of God and the sweet communion of His Holy Spirit. You can't have a real encounter with God and remain the same. It's is impossible.
Once His presence comes into your life, you are not the same. Things that used to burden you fall off and yokes that once bound you are destroyed. The presence of God will change your situation. Why wouldn't I want those who have hurt me, who obviously need God in their lives, to be changed in the splendor of His presence?
Loving your enemies is indeed a hard saying...
But those who desire the sincere meat of the Word can know it and digest it.
My, what a scripture! I will admit that for years, complete understanding of this verse alluded me. I'll be the first one to testify that I at one time found it nearly impossible to fully embrace the words it contained. There are some words that require a level of maturity to comprehend and embrace. These are called the "hard sayings".
How on earth does God expect us to love those who have wronged us? To pray for those who have "despitefully used us?" How exactly could we accomplish what appeared to be such an impossible command?
The truth of the matter is that it is impossible to the flesh but it is not impossible for those who walk in the Spirit and are mature.
Why?
It takes revelation to understand the scriptures. Forget about understanding the bible in 12 months after reading it from cover to cover as a part of your New Year's Resolution. You are more than welcome to read the entire bible as there is no harm in doing so. However, to expect to be able to comprehend all scripture in 12 months is unrealistic. We receive revelation of scripture at different moments in our lives and at different levels of maturity. Psalms 23 meant one thing to me at the age of 13 when I was first filled with the Holy Spirit. It now means something different to me.
God reveals Himself to us at different ages and stages of our lives. We see more of Him as we mature in age, grow in grace, and maintain a hunger and thirst for Him.
Having said that, I now have a better understanding of what this scripture means. Let me explain the process that brought me to this point.
My man of God is a praying man. I'm not talking about 5 minutes of deacon like praying. This man labors for HOURS in God's presence. He literally prays for hours at a time. He also fasts extensively. As a result, he has challenged us in these areas. As I've began to pray more on a daily basis, I have discovered some things about myself that I did not know were there.
For starts, for the last two years, my life has undergone a spiritual renewal. The burdens of my heart have lifted and there is hope in my life that I've never had. When I was involved in a certain relationship last year, I would pray fervently for him. I would walk the floor, crying out to God for him and praying that God would save and deliver him. However, when the relationship went south and this person became more like an enemy than a friend, I stopped praying for him-COMPLETELY.
You couldn't get me to part my lips in prayer for him.
It wasn't going to happen.
For a year this prayer strike went on and I refused to pray for him anymore, seeing as to how the outcome of the relationship was not what I wanted. Why on EARTH would I pray for someone who'd caused so much pain in my life? Why would I call his name out in the presence of God, asking for mercy and grace? Why would I even ask God to open the heavens over him, as I'd asked Him to open them over me?
Are you KIDDING me?!
And then the revelation came...
"He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous..."
I too was a recipient of God's unmerited favor and limitless mercy. How proud and arrogant I'd become to assume that the only one in the situation in need of God's mercy and grace was the one who caused ME pain.
God showed me that I too needed to repent of sins I'd committed on a daily basis. No, my sins may not be those like the person who hurt me, but they were forgiven just the same and the same Grace and mercy was extended to me as was to my enemy.
Wow.
It takes maturity and growth to see this.
I could not see two years ago that I needed Grace and mercy daily. I had adopted a proud spirit and assumed that because I was doing "most of the right things" that I deserved more of God's Grace and goodness. Not so. I stopped praying for my enemy because I didn't want God to bless him as He was blessing me. Why would I want to see my enemy doing good?
But the Holy Spirit wouldn't let me go. He said, "At some point in time, you were some one's enemy as well. What if I had dealt with you the way they wanted me to?"
I yield.
God knows He hasn't dealt with me according to what I deserve! He has shown me Grace and mercy beyond my comprehension. Mistake after mistake and stubborn act after stubborn act, His mercy cushioned my fall and softened the blow I deserved to take with full force. What if He had dealt with me according to MY sins and faults? Where would I be? So what does it say about MY heart to want Him to deal with someone else according to theirs?
Is that the heart of God? Is that His nature?
You see, you can't understand the nature of God apart from fellowship with Him. The more time you spend in prayer and in the Word, you begin to understand more about Him. He's not a human being. He doesn't think like us. If He did, there would be no human race. He would have wiped us all out for more than justifiable reasons. It only takes 10 minutes in front of a TV to see that He is merciful to us and doesn't deal with us according to our sins.
Two days ago, I called this person's name out in prayer for the first time in over a year. Now this may not sound like much to you, but it was monumental for me. Imagine someone who has hurt you to your soul being at the top of your prayer list. Maybe now you can understand how far I've come. But there was healing in that moment and liberty. My desire is not that the one who hurt me get "his" anymore. My desire is that He would come to know the Grace of God and the sweet communion of His Holy Spirit. You can't have a real encounter with God and remain the same. It's is impossible.
Once His presence comes into your life, you are not the same. Things that used to burden you fall off and yokes that once bound you are destroyed. The presence of God will change your situation. Why wouldn't I want those who have hurt me, who obviously need God in their lives, to be changed in the splendor of His presence?
Loving your enemies is indeed a hard saying...
But those who desire the sincere meat of the Word can know it and digest it.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
New Direction...
"How did I get here?"
Who hasn't asked that question of themselves before? We look around at our lives and circumstances and wonder sometimes, "How did I get here?" How did 5 years of my life slip away in a broken relationship or marriage? How did everything I thought I'd achieve by this age seem to allude me? How could I end up so far from all the things I believed were promised to me?
Maybe your story is similar to mine. Maybe you're a mother reading this whose family structure is not what you planned and isn't what you desire. Maybe you're a single mother as a result of a divorce, death or simply, a failed relationship. Whatever the scenario, you're looking at your life and wondering how you managed to travel so far from all the things you wanted in life.
"Is there hope for me?"
THERE CERTAINLY IS!
The Grace of God is sufficient! Allow me to explain.
When I travel, I implore the use of my cell phone's navigation app. I have often missed my turn. This initially would cause me a great deal of stress and anxiety. However, over time, I learned to wait a moment and listen to my navigation. Soon, I would hear, "Recalculating route..." Then, the app would tell me to make a U-turn and which street to take for a U-turn or it would give me completely new directions that would take me to my destination.
Such is the Grace of God.
We've all ended up on the wrong road before. If you continue striving in your own strength and ability, you will continue to be lost. But when you look to the Lord and trust the Grace of God to work on your behalf, He will give you new direction for your destiny!
You may not see how you can go from being a single mother with multiple children to a happily married woman in a stable and loving home. You may not be able to see this but your Heavenly Father does. He knows the paths you take and He also knows the way to bring you to the destiny that He promised you.
It may feel as if God's direction is taking you away from your destiny at times. That's a part of the process. You must trust God in those moments that you commit your life to Him but it still seems as if your life isn't moving in the right direction.
You still haven't met "Mr. Right".
You still have overdue bills.
Your children are still in need of the direction and guidance of a strong, father figure.
You're serving the Lord, but what has changed?
Continue on the road that the Grace of God will make plain to you.
It may not seem like going to Church Sunday after Sunday makes a difference, but it will.
It may not seem as if serving faithfully in the Lord's house has any bearing on your life, but it does.
All that you do, you do it before the Lord. As He guides you, directs you and covers you with spiritual leaders, you are being repositioned in life. Your route is being recalculated.
Before you realize it, your faith has increased, your intimacy with the Lord has strengthened, and you have a different outlook on your life.
Before you realize it, you start to see familiar surroundings. Soon, your life starts to look like the destination you hoped for.
Trust God to give you new direction today.
It doesn't matter how lost you are and that you've taken a wrong turn. All that matters is that you are finally ready and WILLING to listen to HIS direction for your life.
If you can simply trust Him, and lean not to your own understanding, He will lead you to the place He promised you.
Who hasn't asked that question of themselves before? We look around at our lives and circumstances and wonder sometimes, "How did I get here?" How did 5 years of my life slip away in a broken relationship or marriage? How did everything I thought I'd achieve by this age seem to allude me? How could I end up so far from all the things I believed were promised to me?
Maybe your story is similar to mine. Maybe you're a mother reading this whose family structure is not what you planned and isn't what you desire. Maybe you're a single mother as a result of a divorce, death or simply, a failed relationship. Whatever the scenario, you're looking at your life and wondering how you managed to travel so far from all the things you wanted in life.
"Is there hope for me?"
THERE CERTAINLY IS!
The Grace of God is sufficient! Allow me to explain.
When I travel, I implore the use of my cell phone's navigation app. I have often missed my turn. This initially would cause me a great deal of stress and anxiety. However, over time, I learned to wait a moment and listen to my navigation. Soon, I would hear, "Recalculating route..." Then, the app would tell me to make a U-turn and which street to take for a U-turn or it would give me completely new directions that would take me to my destination.
Such is the Grace of God.
We've all ended up on the wrong road before. If you continue striving in your own strength and ability, you will continue to be lost. But when you look to the Lord and trust the Grace of God to work on your behalf, He will give you new direction for your destiny!
You may not see how you can go from being a single mother with multiple children to a happily married woman in a stable and loving home. You may not be able to see this but your Heavenly Father does. He knows the paths you take and He also knows the way to bring you to the destiny that He promised you.
It may feel as if God's direction is taking you away from your destiny at times. That's a part of the process. You must trust God in those moments that you commit your life to Him but it still seems as if your life isn't moving in the right direction.
You still haven't met "Mr. Right".
You still have overdue bills.
Your children are still in need of the direction and guidance of a strong, father figure.
You're serving the Lord, but what has changed?
Continue on the road that the Grace of God will make plain to you.
It may not seem like going to Church Sunday after Sunday makes a difference, but it will.
It may not seem as if serving faithfully in the Lord's house has any bearing on your life, but it does.
All that you do, you do it before the Lord. As He guides you, directs you and covers you with spiritual leaders, you are being repositioned in life. Your route is being recalculated.
Before you realize it, your faith has increased, your intimacy with the Lord has strengthened, and you have a different outlook on your life.
Before you realize it, you start to see familiar surroundings. Soon, your life starts to look like the destination you hoped for.
Trust God to give you new direction today.
It doesn't matter how lost you are and that you've taken a wrong turn. All that matters is that you are finally ready and WILLING to listen to HIS direction for your life.
If you can simply trust Him, and lean not to your own understanding, He will lead you to the place He promised you.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Family Values...
It is definitely a different world today than the one I came up in 30 plus years ago. Children are exposed to much more adult content than ever before in history. As early as 6, some parents are having to sit down with their children and discuss topics that were once held until they reached 13 or 14.
What's a single, Christian mom to do in a world like this?
I was raised in a two parent home. My parents were married before I was born. My sister and I are the only living children of both my parents. I come from what would be described as a traditional, Christian home.
However, my children come from a mother and father who were never married and their father has a child outside of our relationship.
Is it reasonable to try to establish a traditional, Christian household with such a background?
Absolutely!
My actions and those of my parents, their parents and anyone else does not redefine the truth of God's Word. It is my responsibility as a Christian mother to speak the truth of the Word to my children. The Word of God says that a marriage is between a man and a woman. The bible says that. Not me. Not my parents. Not my pastor.
Even though I was raised to know what the Word of God says concerning marriage and family, I chose to do my own thing. However, if you've been following my blog and know me in real life, you know that the decision to do things my own way and not God's way have incurred consequences that I could have never anticipated. God's Grace is sufficient in my life, indeed. However, Grace hasn't always made the consequences of my actions go away. If anything, the Grace of God has given me the ability to bear them.
So as I look at my children, I realize that although I may not have made all the right decisions in life, It is still my responsibility, as their mother and first introduction to who God is, to tell them what "right" is. When they are old enough to ask me why I haven't married yet, I will tell them the truth. Marriage is a sacred institution, created by God. It should not be entered into casually and without His counsel. Until such time as the Lord reveals to me who the man is that should be my husband, I will remain single. I will give them the same advice. Be in no hurry to marry. Be in no hurry to have children outside of that marriage.
When they wonder what right and wrong is, I will show them the Bible. I will tell them that our country was founded and established on the authority of scripture. Men and women bled and died for the truths contained within its pages. Men may stumble. Those in authority may fall. But at no time does that relieve them of their responsibility to honor and adhere to the truth of the Word of God for themselves.
When they misbehave, they are not allowed to use their sibling as an excuse for their actions with me. Likewise, when they stand before God, they must give an account for THEIR own deeds, not someone else's.
That's my duty as a Christian mom.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
All sin is sin but not all sin carries the same penalty. If you steal a bag of candy, you won't serve a life sentence in prison. But if you take some one's life, you may spend the rest of yours in prison. They will know that certain sins, the bible says, are against their "own bodies". Those sins carry a heavier penalty.
I will teach them that a wonderful portion of the Grace of God is that nothing that we've done in our past excludes us from living a righteous life today, if we accept Jesus as our Savior and by faith, receive His righteousness upon our lives. They will know that Grace doesn't rename sin but it does remove excuses.
There's no excuse for continuing in sin when Grace is available.
My children will know this.
So single Christian moms, do not shy away from establishing the Word of God as the firm foundation of truth in your home. If your children ask you why your life appears to differ from what the bible says, be honest. Your honesty will only strengthen their respect for you. It is when we lie and try to re-write the bible to suit our lifestyles that we come under the condemnation of hypocrisy. The Word of God is true even if my past contradicts it.
It is my responsibility to align myself with the Word. The Word will never bow to me.
My children are free to believe what they want when they are older. But they are not free to redefine the bible.
No one is.
What's a single, Christian mom to do in a world like this?
I was raised in a two parent home. My parents were married before I was born. My sister and I are the only living children of both my parents. I come from what would be described as a traditional, Christian home.
However, my children come from a mother and father who were never married and their father has a child outside of our relationship.
Is it reasonable to try to establish a traditional, Christian household with such a background?
Absolutely!
My actions and those of my parents, their parents and anyone else does not redefine the truth of God's Word. It is my responsibility as a Christian mother to speak the truth of the Word to my children. The Word of God says that a marriage is between a man and a woman. The bible says that. Not me. Not my parents. Not my pastor.
Even though I was raised to know what the Word of God says concerning marriage and family, I chose to do my own thing. However, if you've been following my blog and know me in real life, you know that the decision to do things my own way and not God's way have incurred consequences that I could have never anticipated. God's Grace is sufficient in my life, indeed. However, Grace hasn't always made the consequences of my actions go away. If anything, the Grace of God has given me the ability to bear them.
So as I look at my children, I realize that although I may not have made all the right decisions in life, It is still my responsibility, as their mother and first introduction to who God is, to tell them what "right" is. When they are old enough to ask me why I haven't married yet, I will tell them the truth. Marriage is a sacred institution, created by God. It should not be entered into casually and without His counsel. Until such time as the Lord reveals to me who the man is that should be my husband, I will remain single. I will give them the same advice. Be in no hurry to marry. Be in no hurry to have children outside of that marriage.
When they wonder what right and wrong is, I will show them the Bible. I will tell them that our country was founded and established on the authority of scripture. Men and women bled and died for the truths contained within its pages. Men may stumble. Those in authority may fall. But at no time does that relieve them of their responsibility to honor and adhere to the truth of the Word of God for themselves.
When they misbehave, they are not allowed to use their sibling as an excuse for their actions with me. Likewise, when they stand before God, they must give an account for THEIR own deeds, not someone else's.
That's my duty as a Christian mom.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
All sin is sin but not all sin carries the same penalty. If you steal a bag of candy, you won't serve a life sentence in prison. But if you take some one's life, you may spend the rest of yours in prison. They will know that certain sins, the bible says, are against their "own bodies". Those sins carry a heavier penalty.
I will teach them that a wonderful portion of the Grace of God is that nothing that we've done in our past excludes us from living a righteous life today, if we accept Jesus as our Savior and by faith, receive His righteousness upon our lives. They will know that Grace doesn't rename sin but it does remove excuses.
There's no excuse for continuing in sin when Grace is available.
My children will know this.
So single Christian moms, do not shy away from establishing the Word of God as the firm foundation of truth in your home. If your children ask you why your life appears to differ from what the bible says, be honest. Your honesty will only strengthen their respect for you. It is when we lie and try to re-write the bible to suit our lifestyles that we come under the condemnation of hypocrisy. The Word of God is true even if my past contradicts it.
It is my responsibility to align myself with the Word. The Word will never bow to me.
My children are free to believe what they want when they are older. But they are not free to redefine the bible.
No one is.
Monday, May 07, 2012
Heart Check...
When I think of forgiveness, the example in scripture that comes to my mind is Jonah. Jonah was a prophet of God with a message to deliver to a wicked city. However, Jonah's personal feelings regarding the city of Nineveh soon clouded his judgement, causing him to flee rather than to go as he'd been sent. And later still, after he delivered the message, he was grieved when they repented and their sentence of destruction was reversed by a compassionate and merciful God.
Hmm.
I've been wronged before.
I've had some things said and done to me, even recently, that deserve at the very least, an apology and at the most, restitution.
There was a time I prayed for this individual daily. I cried out to God on behalf of this person.
And then I stopped.
Why did I stop?
I stopped for two reasons: #1, I did not feel that this person was worthy of my prayers. That's the obvious reason. But the second reason is harder to admit and even harder to see in the light of truth: I did not want this person to be a beneficiary of the mercy and grace of God.
In my heart, I was guilty of the same sin as Jonah. I wanted punishment to fall upon those that I felt were deserving. They didn't deserve God's mercy and grace. They didn't deserve to get away with it. They deserved to pay and pay they should!
Then the Holy Spirit began to speak to me.
He said, "The same mercy and grace is available to your enemies as is available to you right now. Also, that same grace and mercy is being extended to you in different areas of your life".
Oh, but the Holy Spirit wasn't done!
As if that wasn't enough, He said this:
"Nothing bad has to happen to someone in order for something good to happen to you".
Wow.
All this time I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I stopped praying for the one that I felt wronged me. I stopped praying because I didn't see the outcome that I wanted. There was nothing in it for me.
I stopped praying because like Jonah, I knew, deep down, that the God I was praying to is merciful, slow to anger and rich in mercy. Why would I want someone who wronged me to receive mercy?
Why would I want them to repent and be spared God's judgement?
Why would I want that to happen?
But the better question was...
Why WOULDN'T I want all of those things to happen?
At no point do those who believe in the Lord Jesus Christ get away with having hearts that are unexamined. There is no way we can be recipients of God's mercy and grace and not desire for others to also receive what they do not deserve from His loving hand.
There's no way I can say I have His love in my heart and desire to see the destruction of my enemies.
Their destruction isn't my business.
Vengeance belongs to God and I have learned that He reserves the right not to exercise His right of ownership at any time.
Shouldn't my desire be that none should perish, but that all should come to repentence, even my enemies?
It's a hard truth but it's the truth anyhow.
You'll never be right in God's sight if your heart is wrong.
Hmm.
I've been wronged before.
I've had some things said and done to me, even recently, that deserve at the very least, an apology and at the most, restitution.
There was a time I prayed for this individual daily. I cried out to God on behalf of this person.
And then I stopped.
Why did I stop?
I stopped for two reasons: #1, I did not feel that this person was worthy of my prayers. That's the obvious reason. But the second reason is harder to admit and even harder to see in the light of truth: I did not want this person to be a beneficiary of the mercy and grace of God.
In my heart, I was guilty of the same sin as Jonah. I wanted punishment to fall upon those that I felt were deserving. They didn't deserve God's mercy and grace. They didn't deserve to get away with it. They deserved to pay and pay they should!
Then the Holy Spirit began to speak to me.
He said, "The same mercy and grace is available to your enemies as is available to you right now. Also, that same grace and mercy is being extended to you in different areas of your life".
Oh, but the Holy Spirit wasn't done!
As if that wasn't enough, He said this:
"Nothing bad has to happen to someone in order for something good to happen to you".
Wow.
All this time I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I stopped praying for the one that I felt wronged me. I stopped praying because I didn't see the outcome that I wanted. There was nothing in it for me.
I stopped praying because like Jonah, I knew, deep down, that the God I was praying to is merciful, slow to anger and rich in mercy. Why would I want someone who wronged me to receive mercy?
Why would I want them to repent and be spared God's judgement?
Why would I want that to happen?
But the better question was...
Why WOULDN'T I want all of those things to happen?
At no point do those who believe in the Lord Jesus Christ get away with having hearts that are unexamined. There is no way we can be recipients of God's mercy and grace and not desire for others to also receive what they do not deserve from His loving hand.
There's no way I can say I have His love in my heart and desire to see the destruction of my enemies.
Their destruction isn't my business.
Vengeance belongs to God and I have learned that He reserves the right not to exercise His right of ownership at any time.
Shouldn't my desire be that none should perish, but that all should come to repentence, even my enemies?
It's a hard truth but it's the truth anyhow.
You'll never be right in God's sight if your heart is wrong.
Friday, May 04, 2012
Mother's Day: A Mother's Perspective...
I love Mother's Day.
It's such a wonderful holiday that celebrates the worth, the love and the gift of motherhood. I celebrated Mother's Day for many years from the position of a child. I can remember creating gifts for my mom at school or even getting money from our dad to go buy mom a gift. I remember signing cards and yelling, "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY" early Sunday morning. I can remember the red and white floral corsages the ladies at church used to wear on Mother's Day; red symbolizing your mother was living and white to signify she was deceased. I can remember some women weeping at the memory of their deceased moms.
I remember the beautiful hats, dresses and suits.
I remember the restaurants packed with families.
I remember when my grandmothers were alive and my parents would call them to wish them a happy Mother's Day.
I remember how the older I got, the more I appreciated that fact that my mother was still living. I remember the laughter in her voice every year when I give her my dramatic rendition of Pastor Shirley Caesar's Mother's Day classic, "No Charge".
But what does Mother's Day feel like to a mom?
For so many years, I couldn't answer that because I just didn't know. I assumed she loved all of the attention, breakfast in bed attempts, handmade gifts and store bought ones. I assumed she loved being taken out to eat and made belle for a day.
That was my assumption until I became a mom.
I'd like to share with you what Mother's Day feels like for me, and I'm sure many other moms out there.
The moments I remember most are those that I shared with my children individually and alone. I remember the first time I held Matthew in my arms.
I remember just a few short moments after he entered the world, how his eyes focused on me, as if he knew me. I remember looking at him amazed at how a child just born could know me. He knew my voice. I remember coming home with him from the hospital, high on pain killers and in tremendous pain from child birth. I remember forgetting how to make the perfect swaddle as the nurses had shown me so I improvised. I laid him on my chest and wrapped him in my bathrobe. I can remember how calm he became and it didn't matter how long I had to hold him. I was amazed by the fact that all he needed was me to be calm and peaceful again.
I remember when Caitlyn was born.
The day afterwards, the staff came in to take her for her routine hearing exam and all the other various newborn things they do.
The staff member who took her gave me an estimate of the time she'd bring Caitlyn back to my room.
She was late.
I can remember the slight rush of adrenaline I felt as the clock ticked the minutes by but my baby still wasn't returned to me. I was scared. I wanted to cry. I missed her so very much. I wanted her back in my arms immediately. And then I marveled at the fact that my heart was bursting with love for a child I'd only held in my arms for less than 24 hours. When she was finally brought back to me, I held her in my arms and placed her beside me in my bed. We shared that little narrow hospital bed until we were discharged. When asked if I wanted to send her to the nursery so tha I could rest, I was almost indignant with my "NO". I was her mama now and I was reporting for duty...for the rest of my life.
I think of the moments that they come rushing into my room early on a Saturday morning, piling into my bed and asking for pancakes.
I think of the tickle fights and how Caitlyn can't stay out of my shoe boxes in my closet. I think of how Matthew constantly asks, "Mommy, are you alright?" and waits for his answer.
I think of how imperfect my parenting technique may be but how forgiving they are.
I think of the fun we have, just the three of us...no money spent, just each other...together.
I appreciate their attempts at bringing me gifts for Mother's Day. The handmade gifts their teachers help them make mean so much.
But that's not what I treasure most.
I treasure the look of relief on their faces when I tell them they can climb into bed with me during a scary thunderstorm. I treasure their smiles when I announce they can have the occasional treat of icecream. I treasure their hugs and "we missed you mommy" when they return from a weekend visit. I treasure the noise, laughter and sometimes the occasional crashing noises that they bring.
They bring life to my house. Without them, it's just a house...it's not a home.
I treasure the crayon marks on the wall and the juice stains on the carpet.
I treasure the drawings of mommy that make me look HUGE. :)
For this mom, Mother's Day is everyday, in some small way. It's that moment when you had to scold or spank...and you feel bad as a mom and they feel bad for being disobedient... but you go to them, you hug them and you both give and receive love.
Mother's Day is when you've had a day from the crevices of hell and your children do something so silly you can't even hold back the laugh. Mother's Day is when my son tells me "You're beautiful mommy" and wants to hold my hand.
So if you're a child and wondering what to get your mom for Mother's Day, struggling with the perfect gift...unable to figure out what would honor her the most...
Take it from this mom:
Anything that reminds her of the miraculous moment you entered her life...
Anything that celebrates how you've gone from the small, helpless wonder that she held so nervously, to an amazing teen or adult with the ability to now help others...
Anything that reminds her that no matter where you go in life and what you become, you'll never forget that she carried you, she nourished you, and she loved you before your little eyes could even focus...
All of those would be excellent choices.
But above all, don't forget the greatest gift you could ever give a mom on Mother's Day:
Give her a tank full of gas, a plane ticket, a bus or plane ticket that leads you to her.
There's no greater gift to her than YOU.
For Mother's Day, I'll have my greatest gifts right next to me. I'll be the happiest woman on earth. I'll make my own breakfast and probably theirs too. We won't do a fancy restaurant. My gifts will probably be handmade. And that's all ok to me- perfectly acceptable.
I hope they read this one day and know that they are my greatest gifts in life and it is my honor to be their mom. I can't remember exactly what I was doing before they arrived, but it certainly wasn't living.
To Matthew Andre and Caitlyn Christina...
I love you and one day, I pray that you'll know the joy that children bring. You've been my greatest joy. I love you and I am proud of you, simply because you're mine. You'll never have to impress me. You'll never have to earn my acceptance. You are children and I am your Mama.
That is enough.
I remember the beautiful hats, dresses and suits.
I remember the restaurants packed with families.
I remember when my grandmothers were alive and my parents would call them to wish them a happy Mother's Day.
I remember how the older I got, the more I appreciated that fact that my mother was still living. I remember the laughter in her voice every year when I give her my dramatic rendition of Pastor Shirley Caesar's Mother's Day classic, "No Charge".
But what does Mother's Day feel like to a mom?
For so many years, I couldn't answer that because I just didn't know. I assumed she loved all of the attention, breakfast in bed attempts, handmade gifts and store bought ones. I assumed she loved being taken out to eat and made belle for a day.
That was my assumption until I became a mom.
I'd like to share with you what Mother's Day feels like for me, and I'm sure many other moms out there.
The moments I remember most are those that I shared with my children individually and alone. I remember the first time I held Matthew in my arms.
I remember just a few short moments after he entered the world, how his eyes focused on me, as if he knew me. I remember looking at him amazed at how a child just born could know me. He knew my voice. I remember coming home with him from the hospital, high on pain killers and in tremendous pain from child birth. I remember forgetting how to make the perfect swaddle as the nurses had shown me so I improvised. I laid him on my chest and wrapped him in my bathrobe. I can remember how calm he became and it didn't matter how long I had to hold him. I was amazed by the fact that all he needed was me to be calm and peaceful again.
I remember when Caitlyn was born.
The day afterwards, the staff came in to take her for her routine hearing exam and all the other various newborn things they do.
The staff member who took her gave me an estimate of the time she'd bring Caitlyn back to my room.
She was late.
I can remember the slight rush of adrenaline I felt as the clock ticked the minutes by but my baby still wasn't returned to me. I was scared. I wanted to cry. I missed her so very much. I wanted her back in my arms immediately. And then I marveled at the fact that my heart was bursting with love for a child I'd only held in my arms for less than 24 hours. When she was finally brought back to me, I held her in my arms and placed her beside me in my bed. We shared that little narrow hospital bed until we were discharged. When asked if I wanted to send her to the nursery so tha I could rest, I was almost indignant with my "NO". I was her mama now and I was reporting for duty...for the rest of my life.
I think of the moments that they come rushing into my room early on a Saturday morning, piling into my bed and asking for pancakes.
I think of the tickle fights and how Caitlyn can't stay out of my shoe boxes in my closet. I think of how Matthew constantly asks, "Mommy, are you alright?" and waits for his answer.
I think of how imperfect my parenting technique may be but how forgiving they are.
I think of the fun we have, just the three of us...no money spent, just each other...together.
I appreciate their attempts at bringing me gifts for Mother's Day. The handmade gifts their teachers help them make mean so much.
But that's not what I treasure most.
I treasure the look of relief on their faces when I tell them they can climb into bed with me during a scary thunderstorm. I treasure their smiles when I announce they can have the occasional treat of icecream. I treasure their hugs and "we missed you mommy" when they return from a weekend visit. I treasure the noise, laughter and sometimes the occasional crashing noises that they bring.
They bring life to my house. Without them, it's just a house...it's not a home.
I treasure the crayon marks on the wall and the juice stains on the carpet.
I treasure the drawings of mommy that make me look HUGE. :)
For this mom, Mother's Day is everyday, in some small way. It's that moment when you had to scold or spank...and you feel bad as a mom and they feel bad for being disobedient... but you go to them, you hug them and you both give and receive love.
Mother's Day is when you've had a day from the crevices of hell and your children do something so silly you can't even hold back the laugh. Mother's Day is when my son tells me "You're beautiful mommy" and wants to hold my hand.
So if you're a child and wondering what to get your mom for Mother's Day, struggling with the perfect gift...unable to figure out what would honor her the most...
Take it from this mom:
Anything that reminds her of the miraculous moment you entered her life...
Anything that celebrates how you've gone from the small, helpless wonder that she held so nervously, to an amazing teen or adult with the ability to now help others...
Anything that reminds her that no matter where you go in life and what you become, you'll never forget that she carried you, she nourished you, and she loved you before your little eyes could even focus...
All of those would be excellent choices.
But above all, don't forget the greatest gift you could ever give a mom on Mother's Day:
Give her a tank full of gas, a plane ticket, a bus or plane ticket that leads you to her.
There's no greater gift to her than YOU.
For Mother's Day, I'll have my greatest gifts right next to me. I'll be the happiest woman on earth. I'll make my own breakfast and probably theirs too. We won't do a fancy restaurant. My gifts will probably be handmade. And that's all ok to me- perfectly acceptable.
I hope they read this one day and know that they are my greatest gifts in life and it is my honor to be their mom. I can't remember exactly what I was doing before they arrived, but it certainly wasn't living.
To Matthew Andre and Caitlyn Christina...
I love you and one day, I pray that you'll know the joy that children bring. You've been my greatest joy. I love you and I am proud of you, simply because you're mine. You'll never have to impress me. You'll never have to earn my acceptance. You are children and I am your Mama.
That is enough.
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
My Biggest Parenting Mistake...
I've made a few mistakes along the way in parenting: I haven't always been the best judge of character. Sometimes I've not always prioritized as I should have.
But there's a parenting mistake that I used to make that far outweighed all of those things.
That mistake was...
Worrying and not praying.
Quite frankly, prayer was the last thing on my mind when I was faced with difficult situations. I worried first, scrambled to find an answer second, called everyone I could think of third, and finally, when all else failed, I prayed. But those prayers were usually hot tempered demands for God to act on my behalf and deliver me from my position between a rock and a hard place.
However, once you've spent a few nights on a hard bed that you made, and once you've been stuck at a rock in a hard place a few times, you start to realize that maybe the problem isn't on God's end, but on yours.
So now, I worry less and pray more. The bible says "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths". You just gotta love that word "shall" because it is a word of PROMISE!
No matter what you're going through today... maybe you're a single mother like me in need of direction and help. Maybe you're just someone who feels like God is light years away and couldn't care less about what you're going through. I'm here to tell you that He cares. In order to receive the best from Him, you must humble yourself. God doesn't take orders from you. He's willing to help you but sometimes, He'll first help you to see where your attitude stinks.
There are plenty of things to deal with as a human being but especially as a parent. We make mistakes along the way. But whatever you do, don't make putting the Lord at the bottom of your list the biggest mistake.
Let Him be the head of your life. He'll lead you in right paths and you won't have to spend all of your days worrying about everything.
Let Him take control.
But there's a parenting mistake that I used to make that far outweighed all of those things.
That mistake was...
Worrying and not praying.
Quite frankly, prayer was the last thing on my mind when I was faced with difficult situations. I worried first, scrambled to find an answer second, called everyone I could think of third, and finally, when all else failed, I prayed. But those prayers were usually hot tempered demands for God to act on my behalf and deliver me from my position between a rock and a hard place.
However, once you've spent a few nights on a hard bed that you made, and once you've been stuck at a rock in a hard place a few times, you start to realize that maybe the problem isn't on God's end, but on yours.
So now, I worry less and pray more. The bible says "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths". You just gotta love that word "shall" because it is a word of PROMISE!
No matter what you're going through today... maybe you're a single mother like me in need of direction and help. Maybe you're just someone who feels like God is light years away and couldn't care less about what you're going through. I'm here to tell you that He cares. In order to receive the best from Him, you must humble yourself. God doesn't take orders from you. He's willing to help you but sometimes, He'll first help you to see where your attitude stinks.
There are plenty of things to deal with as a human being but especially as a parent. We make mistakes along the way. But whatever you do, don't make putting the Lord at the bottom of your list the biggest mistake.
Let Him be the head of your life. He'll lead you in right paths and you won't have to spend all of your days worrying about everything.
Let Him take control.
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