Sunday, April 29, 2012

Four Months...

It's been about four months since I put my life in drive and decided to move forward. It wasn't an easy decision to permanently end all future involvement with the father of my children. I was hopeful many days that things would turn out differently. There were equally as many days spent denying the truth that I knew and could plainly see.
My heart is healing. It doesn't hurt as much as it did four months ago.
I'm halfway ok with the new "girlfriend". I've never met her and it's just as well, but I have to hear about her after my children return from their visitation.
That sucks. But it's not as painful as it was.
My greatest comfort has come in knowing that I have nothing to prove to anyone, not even him.
I am single and that's ok. I'm in no hurry to get into a new relationship just to prove a point. Life is about more than proving points.
What I am thinking about is my assignment: what God put me here to do.
I'm not willing to compromise that for any man ever again.
That's the biggest takeaway lesson of all.
Nothing and no one should be worth your missing God over.
Anything that makes you willing or capable of abandoning the will of God for your life doesn't need to be in your life.
I learned that the hard way.
I spent 6 years trying to build a relationship that was not meant to be.
I should have been doing what God called me to do.
Now at 34, I feel as if I'm still young enough to accomplish a lot in life but way too old to have lived as long as I lived.
It's mind boggling just how much time can be wasted in relationships. We look up and we have gray hair.
We look up and our children are in school.
We look up and realize that we've been stuck on hold indefinitely and no one's coming back to the phone.
It's time to hang up and live.
There is certainly grace for every place. The good days outweigh the bad ones. I'm stronger than I've ever been. I'm excited about the future that awaits my children and me.
There's no time to waste.
I'm ready to live the life God intended for me to live.

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