The Armless, Footless Foe

I've felt this way before. I feel anxious. I even have a slight headache. A part of me doesn't want to eat. I even feel a slight wave of nausea. I want to go back to bed and sleep.
What's wrong with me?
I'm fighting the "no" in me.
I'm standing on the verge of a new opportunity and the loudest voice in my head is shouting, "You can't do this. You don't want to do this, do you? What makes you think this will work?"
Maybe I'm the only one who's ever heard those things in my head, but for some reason, I don't think so.
Sometimes the loudest and strongest voice of opposition can be found right between your own ears.
I can't tell you how many people have said in the last few days, "I think you'd be great at it!" "Melissa, you're perfect for this!" "You've got what it takes!" But before I can let it all sink in, I hear that loud, raging beast inside my head that says, "Please! You've never done anything like this before. What makes you think you can do it? You know it won't work!"
I'm almost convinced that your biggest enemy doesn't even have arms, legs, hands or feet. He only has a loud, intimidating voice, and usually that's all he needs to level you.
David had already faced Goliath by the time he met him.. and won. He told King Saul, and I paraphrase, "Hey, I've already killed a bear and when a lion ran up on me, I grabbed him by his beard and killed him too. Goliath? And WHAT?!" lol!
This new business opportunity is one fight. I'm facing others.
I'm forcing myself to examine my romantic relationships critically. It's not a pretty sight. I don't want to look at it because it reflects a part of me that I just don't want to see. But I'm looking anyway. I'm looking at the fact that I've traded dignity for a sliver of affection many times. I'm looking at the fact that I accepted someone treating me like they could take me or leave me over waiting on someone who could treasure me. I don't want to look, but I'm looking.
It's not easy to move on from a relationship, particularly for women.
We invest so much, lay so much on the line... stake so much of our value and self worth on the success or failure of this relationship and the approval of this one man.
Yep, one man.
One man on the planet is given the keys to our happiness, contentment, self esteem and told to drive as recklessly as he can with it over a bumpy road.
Nobody wants to wait for better because what if better is actually worse?
What if what I let go of is the last thing I'll ever hold on to?
What if I'm walking away from my one chance at semi happiness?
What if?
Once again, that mind of ours, the armless, footless foe levels us to the ground.
I've just decided to stand up to this inward bully and answer some of its questions.
"What if you look like a fool?" It won't be the first time.
"What if you never marry?" Doesn't mean I'll never have friends.
"What if you never find a good man?" I won't if I stay here.
"What if your new business doesn't work?" I'll try another one.
No one told me I couldn't have my own, successful business. No one told me I couldn't find love. No one told me that but ME.
The hand less, footless, enemy between my ears. And for many, many years, he won countless battles without having to throw a single punch.
Here's something I'm discovering in the middle of this new season of my life.
Favor doesn't remove fear and it doesn't always silence the footless foe in your mind that wants to keep you paralyzed in the former season. That's why God continuously had to remind His people to be strong and courageous. God is with you even if your eyes are taking in an imposing landscape and your knees are buckling.
He's with you.
Do you know what happens if you try something and it doesn't work? You get up and try something else.
Do you know what happens if you date one man and he doesn't treat you right? You get up and try again.
Abraham and Sarah could have stopped at Ishmael but God wouldn't allow it. Their fears could have paralyzed them into abandoning their precious promise. But God never let the promise fade away. Every few years, He'd bring it up again.
One way to tell that something is a God inspired promise to you is the fact that you don't get to decide when it's over. lol!
God will bring that thing up at the most unwanted moments of your life. You'll want to forget it. You'll want to leave it alone. But when God makes you a promise, He is obligated to bring it to pass.
Don't allow fear, anxiety, nervousness, unsurety to paralyze you.
Just remember that He is with you. As you make steps, He will go before you. But He can't clear a path that you refuse to walk on.
Get moving.
Forward.