Family Values...

It is definitely a different world today than the one I came up in 30 plus years ago. Children are exposed to much more adult content than ever before in history. As early as 6, some parents are having to sit down with their children and discuss topics that were once held until they reached 13 or 14.
What's a single, Christian mom to do in a world like this?
I was raised in a two parent home. My parents were married before I was born. My sister and I are the only living children of both my parents.  I come from what would be described as a traditional, Christian home.
However, my children come from a mother and father who were never married and their father has a child outside of our relationship.
Is it reasonable to try to establish a traditional, Christian household with such a background?
Absolutely!
My actions and those of my parents, their parents and anyone else does not redefine the truth of God's Word. It is my responsibility as a Christian mother to speak the truth of the Word to my children. The Word of God says that a marriage is between a man and a woman. The bible says that. Not me. Not my parents. Not my pastor.
Even though I was raised to know what the Word of God says concerning marriage and family, I chose to do my own thing. However, if you've been following my blog and know me in real life, you know that the decision to do things my own way and not God's way have incurred consequences that I could have never anticipated. God's Grace is sufficient in my life, indeed. However, Grace hasn't always made the consequences of my actions go away. If anything, the Grace of God has given me the ability to bear them.
So as I look at my children, I realize that although I may not have made all the right decisions in life, It is still my responsibility, as their mother and first introduction to who God is, to tell them what "right" is. When they are old enough to ask me why I haven't married yet, I will tell them the truth. Marriage is a sacred institution, created by God. It should not be entered into casually and without His counsel. Until such time as the Lord reveals to me who the man is that should be my husband, I will remain single. I will give them the same advice. Be in no hurry to marry. Be in no hurry to have children outside of that marriage.
When they wonder what right and wrong is, I will show them the Bible. I will tell them that our country was founded and established on the authority of scripture. Men and women bled and died for the truths contained within its pages. Men may stumble. Those in authority may fall. But at no time does that relieve them of their responsibility to honor and adhere to the truth of the Word of God for themselves.
When they misbehave, they are not allowed to use their sibling as an excuse for their actions with me. Likewise, when they stand before God, they must give an account for THEIR own deeds, not someone else's.
That's my duty as a Christian mom.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
All sin is sin but not all sin carries the same penalty. If you steal a bag of candy, you won't serve a life sentence in prison. But if you take some one's life, you may spend the rest of yours in prison. They will know that certain sins, the bible says, are against their "own bodies". Those sins carry a heavier penalty.
I will teach them that a wonderful portion of the Grace of God is that nothing that we've done in our past excludes us from living a righteous life today, if we accept Jesus as our Savior and by faith, receive His righteousness upon our lives. They will know that Grace doesn't rename sin but it does remove excuses.
There's no excuse for continuing in sin when Grace is available.
My children will know this.
So single Christian moms, do not shy away from establishing the Word of God as the firm foundation of truth in your home. If your children ask you why your life appears to differ from what the bible says, be honest. Your honesty will only strengthen their respect for you. It is when we lie and try to re-write the bible to suit our lifestyles that we come under the condemnation of hypocrisy. The Word of God is true even if my past contradicts it.
It is my responsibility to align myself with the Word. The Word will never bow to me.
My children are free to believe what they want when they are older. But they are not free to redefine the bible.
No one is.

My Biggest Parenting Mistake...

I've made a few mistakes along the way in parenting: I haven't always been the best judge of character. Sometimes I've not always prioritized as I should have.
But there's a parenting mistake that I used to make that far outweighed all of those things.
That mistake was...
Worrying and not praying.
Quite frankly, prayer was the last thing on my mind when I was faced with difficult situations. I worried first, scrambled to find an answer second, called everyone I could think of third, and finally, when all else failed, I prayed. But those prayers were usually hot tempered demands for God to act on my behalf and deliver me from my position between a rock and a hard place.
However, once you've spent a few nights on a hard bed that you made, and once you've been stuck at a rock in a hard place a few times, you start to realize that maybe the problem isn't on God's end, but on yours.
So now, I worry less and pray more. The bible says "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths". You just gotta love that word "shall" because it is a word of PROMISE!
No matter what you're going through today... maybe you're a single mother like me in need of direction and help. Maybe you're just someone who feels like God is light years away and couldn't care less about what you're going through. I'm here to tell you that He cares. In order to receive the best from Him, you must humble yourself. God doesn't take orders from you. He's willing to help you but sometimes, He'll first help you to see where your attitude stinks.
There are plenty of things to deal with as a human being but especially as a parent. We make mistakes along the way. But whatever you do, don't make putting the Lord at the bottom of your list the biggest mistake.
Let Him be the head of your life. He'll lead you in right paths and you won't have to spend all of your days worrying about everything.
Let Him take control.

"Mommy, I Don't Want To Be Brown"

With each passing year, there comes another parenting mountain to climb. For what seemed like ages, my biggest worries were how to get diaper money and finding childcare I could trust.
Oh, how things have changed.
About a month ago, the kiddos and I were chillin in my bedroom for story time. Out of the blue, my son Matthew said, "Mommy, I don't want to be brown". I was a bit shocked and asked him to repeat himself, although I heard him clearly the first time. He said it again, "Mommy I don't want to be brown. I want to be like my friends. Why am I brown?"
Ok. Deep breath.
Of all the things I thought I'd have to tackle at this age, race wasn't on my radar. I am thankful that my parents, although completely immersed in the Southern culture and all the good and bad that it contains, never made race a major issue for us. Our friends were of different races and economic backgrounds all of my life. My first "boyfriend" was an absolutely beautiful brown haired, blue eyed kindergarten classmate named Nathan. I still remember his last name. Maybe I should look him up on facebook! lol! Anywho...it never occurred to me that we weren't the same and that people bled and died because of the difference in our skin color. I just knew he was cute and nice and that's all that mattered to me.
So when my son said, 'I don't want to be brown" I wasn't sure what to say at first.
I didn't see this conversation coming so soon.
So I decided to ask more questions to see if I could determine where his mind was and just how deep his feelings were about the subject he raised. I said, "Why do you feel this way baby?" He said, "Because I want to look like my friends. They're not brown".
Aha.
So now I knew what to do. I told him, "Baby, you're brown because your mommy and daddy are brown". His reply was, "Well, I don't want to be brown". I replied, "I'm brown. Daddy's brown. Your Tee Tee (Aunt Sarah) is brown. Granny & Pop Pop are brown. Caitlyn's brown. You  look like so many people that love you. Brown is a beautiful color".
I didn't make a big deal out of it. I didn't want him to be burdened with a lesson in African American history and the race struggle in our society.
There will be plenty of time for that.
At that point in time, I just wanted to affirm for him that there was nothing wrong with being brown. Yes, he may look different than his friends but he's just as beautiful as they are.  I'm sure we'll have to revisit the "why am I different" conversation but I'm excited that my children have me to look to.
I have friends who don't look like me. My children see us interact and talk. They are learning from me, by example, that differences are so beautiful and they make up this wonderful world we're all blessed to live in. I'm also preparing myself to tackle my daughter's own unique challenges regarding her skin color and hair texture. Her hair is absolutely beautiful to me but I know that there are many in our society and even within our own culture that view kinky/curly hair as ugly and unattractive. I've even chemically processed my hair a time or two and wear wigs that have a more silky, straight appearance than my naturally growing hair. But it's up to me to let my daughter and son know that they are beautiful as is. It's ok if you decide later on to change your hairstyle but it shouldn't be because of pressure or any type of self hatred. That's where my job starts. It's my job to make sure self hatred ends and self worth begins.
And I will.