It is definitely a different world today than the one I came up in 30 plus years ago. Children are exposed to much more adult content than ever before in history. As early as 6, some parents are having to sit down with their children and discuss topics that were once held until they reached 13 or 14.
What's a single, Christian mom to do in a world like this?
I was raised in a two parent home. My parents were married before I was born. My sister and I are the only living children of both my parents. I come from what would be described as a traditional, Christian home.
However, my children come from a mother and father who were never married and their father has a child outside of our relationship.
Is it reasonable to try to establish a traditional, Christian household with such a background?
Absolutely!
My actions and those of my parents, their parents and anyone else does not redefine the truth of God's Word. It is my responsibility as a Christian mother to speak the truth of the Word to my children. The Word of God says that a marriage is between a man and a woman. The bible says that. Not me. Not my parents. Not my pastor.
Even though I was raised to know what the Word of God says concerning marriage and family, I chose to do my own thing. However, if you've been following my blog and know me in real life, you know that the decision to do things my own way and not God's way have incurred consequences that I could have never anticipated. God's Grace is sufficient in my life, indeed. However, Grace hasn't always made the consequences of my actions go away. If anything, the Grace of God has given me the ability to bear them.
So as I look at my children, I realize that although I may not have made all the right decisions in life, It is still my responsibility, as their mother and first introduction to who God is, to tell them what "right" is. When they are old enough to ask me why I haven't married yet, I will tell them the truth. Marriage is a sacred institution, created by God. It should not be entered into casually and without His counsel. Until such time as the Lord reveals to me who the man is that should be my husband, I will remain single. I will give them the same advice. Be in no hurry to marry. Be in no hurry to have children outside of that marriage.
When they wonder what right and wrong is, I will show them the Bible. I will tell them that our country was founded and established on the authority of scripture. Men and women bled and died for the truths contained within its pages. Men may stumble. Those in authority may fall. But at no time does that relieve them of their responsibility to honor and adhere to the truth of the Word of God for themselves.
When they misbehave, they are not allowed to use their sibling as an excuse for their actions with me. Likewise, when they stand before God, they must give an account for THEIR own deeds, not someone else's.
That's my duty as a Christian mom.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
All sin is sin but not all sin carries the same penalty. If you steal a bag of candy, you won't serve a life sentence in prison. But if you take some one's life, you may spend the rest of yours in prison. They will know that certain sins, the bible says, are against their "own bodies". Those sins carry a heavier penalty.
I will teach them that a wonderful portion of the Grace of God is that nothing that we've done in our past excludes us from living a righteous life today, if we accept Jesus as our Savior and by faith, receive His righteousness upon our lives. They will know that Grace doesn't rename sin but it does remove excuses.
There's no excuse for continuing in sin when Grace is available.
My children will know this.
So single Christian moms, do not shy away from establishing the Word of God as the firm foundation of truth in your home. If your children ask you why your life appears to differ from what the bible says, be honest. Your honesty will only strengthen their respect for you. It is when we lie and try to re-write the bible to suit our lifestyles that we come under the condemnation of hypocrisy. The Word of God is true even if my past contradicts it.
It is my responsibility to align myself with the Word. The Word will never bow to me.
My children are free to believe what they want when they are older. But they are not free to redefine the bible.
No one is.
4 comments:
I so appreciate your perspective on being honest with your children about your choices. I conduct parent workshops and one of the things that I stress with single parents (more specifically mothers who were teen moms) is that they be honest with their children about how that choice has impacted/complicated their life....I hear WAY too often from teen girls that they don't think being a teen mom would be a problem because their moms were teen moms and they have no regrets about their decisions...so their daughters end up repeating the cycle because the mothers aren't honest about the challenges that came with that choice...I like the way you framed the discussion...Keep up the great work!
Thank you so much for this comment Sis. Jackie! Although I became a mother for the first time in my late 20's, I was just as ignorant as some teen mothers concerning the true consequences of having children out of wedlock. Single motherhood, in my eyes, was easy; women could simply get on public assistance, they were "ghetto", and if all else failed, a woman would be strong enough to raise a child all on her own. She'd have the help of family & friends, right? HAHA! It wasn't until I became a mother that I realized just how difficult parenting is and how incredibly selfish choosing deliberately to be a single parent is towards children. Babies are cute and cuddly. But babies grow up, look you in your face and ask you tough questions that you cannot even begin to anticipate. "Why aren't you married?" "Why is my last name different than yours?" "Why doesn't daddy live with us?" I was quite stubborn in my 20's but no one...and I mean NO ONE told me the truth about the struggles that women face to raise their children. It is not easy to receive assistance. There are tough income requirements & many women are denied because they gross a few hundred dollars more than the income limit. So that forces them to either lie (which condemns their consciences if they have one) or forces them not work at all or continue in low wage jobs to support their children. No one told me that people don't jump at the chance to babysit. lol! Mission impossible is getting someone to watch your child and when they do, they typically won't do it for free. No one told me child care would cost almost as much as I earned in a week for two children. No one told me so many things that I had to find out the hard way. What if more women had been honest with me and told me, as a single woman with a good job, her own place, and her own car, that my position in life was nothing to be ashamed of? What if someone told me that being single, unmarried and without children was not a source of shame but accomplishment? I'm not sure it would have made a difference. Maybe it would have. But at least now, it motivates me to try to give that gift of honesty to someone else. Thank you for all you do for women and young people Sis. Jackie. You are a world changer and I admire you greatly.
Why am just reading your comment to my comment?...Girl, your comment is a blog post in and of itself...Now, THAT will preach! lol! I may have to use excerpts from it at some point if you don't mind...There is so much REALNESS and it should be required reading for young and older women...Following is what a young lady in high school wrote to me last year: "The way you talk about abstinence is the way all students should be taught. Not long ago I used to say I want to be a single mother to have a close bond between my child and me. I wanted to be a strong, independent woman and mother. You made me realize that would be a selfish decision because the child needs both parents in their life. Thank you for changing my perspective on sex." I have heard SO often from middle & high school girls that they want and plan to be single moms....That is mind boggling to me...THANK YOU again for being so transparent & honest! Love you!
Honestly, I felt that when I re-read my comment- that it needed to be a blog. lol! Seriously, it grieves me to know that so many young women are actually planning to be single mothers. I've even talked with women my age who plan to become single mothers if they are not married by a magical age of 35 or 40. I've tried to educate them that parenting is not a selfish undertaking. Children don't come into the world equipped to serve our needs and fill our voids. They come with their own list of demands. Women have the right to choose what happens to their own bodies. But they should not have the right to decide that an innocent child can never know or have a good relationship with their biological father. When I explain it this way, most women begin to reconsider becoming single mothers simply to beat the biological clock. It's wonderful that you want to have a child. But have you considered the life that your child deserves to live, particularly if it's within your power to give it to them? Oh, and we're not even going to SPEAK on the women who love to holler about "take him to family court" and "put him up on child support". HAHAHA!!! OMG. Where do I start Sis. Jackie?!! I have a child support order. He does not pay. So guess what? I have a decision to make. I can spend thousands in legal fees to pursue him or I can take those thousands and continue to raise our children. And family court is no place for families. That's a whole nother discussion entirely. The more women are honest, the more information women can receive and the more empowered they will be. We pride ourselves in being strong, independent women. But to an extent, this has contributed to the problem. We must take down our guard to reveal our pain and struggle. We must not sugarcoat our hardships in order to appear stronger than men and capable of handling the load on our own. We must reveal our vulnerability so that other women do not feel forced to continue in a cycle of pain. There's so much work to be done. Women of all ages are hurting and in need of help and healing. It can seem a bit overwhelming at times but if one man can lead a whole nation out of bondage, I trust God that by His Grace, He can use a woman like you and a blog like mine to change a generation. May His hand be upon us for the task. Love you dearly!
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