You are single, beautiful and full of life.
You have also had your eye on an equally as energetic and intriguing man for some time now.
For the most part, he looks as if he could be "Mr. Wonderful".
There's only one issue: he has children.
For some of you ladies, this was, or quite possibly is still a deal breaker.
I'm not here to tell you what to do.
I'm just here to help you consider your options from as many angles as possible.
Here are a few things you need to keep in mind:
Not all fathers are created equal. If you ask a man if he has children and he seems all to eager to reassure you with this phrase, "Oh, I have a kid(s) but he/she doesn't live with me", then you quite possibly could be dealing with an individual who is proudly doing the bare minimum when it comes to parenting and has carefully arranged his life to make sure that his responsibilities do not interfere with his fun, and yes, you are a part of his "fun".
If he is a true father, he will be busy and you will not be first. Let me clear. If this man isn't your husband and you aren't his wife, neither of you should be in the number one spot anyway. Be thankful if your boo or "possi-boo" has placed you in their top five and make sure you arrange your priorities accordingly. If he has children then unexpected dates will pop up, inconveniences, cancellations and rescheduling of dates will occur. If he cares about you, he'll do his best to juggle things in such a way that he doesn't leave you hanging, but he won't be able to all of the time. If you absolutely must have 100% of his time and attention with little to no grace or room for negotiation, do yourself and this gentleman a favor and move on. Neither one of you may want to, but in the end, you'll save yourself and the other person a ton of frustration, not to mention the child or children will not be made to suffer because two adults can't get it together.
You need to pay attention to how he parents and his relationship to the mother of his children. Now is not the time to go on cruise control and not pay close attention to how he parents. Is he a Disneyland Dad who makes each visit with his children so magical that all they do is smile, laugh and feast on candy? You need to know because this man is potentially manipulative. Don't think it's so important? Wait until you're the one who has to tell your child who has returned from a weekend of candy and no rules that they must now follow the rules. It's an underhanded way of frustrating the co-parent all to feed a personal desire to look like the better parent in the eyes of the children. He could also feel guilty for past wrongs and be attempting to make amends in a materialistic way. Either way, this isn't good parenting because whether we make mistakes or not, parents still must parent and be willing to guide their children in the right path. This cannot be done from a place of guilt. If you're not careful, you'll miss the warning signs, take the bait and believe you're dealing with a good father instead of a man who is merely overcompensating due to guilt or being overly lenient out of spite to his ex.
If he's an outstanding dad, you need to see this as well and acknowledge it. Does he treat the mother of his children with respect, even when frustrated with her? Does he speak respectfully of her in front of the children and reinforce the need of the children to respect her? Does he go above and beyond the confines of court orders to make sure that his children are adequately provided and cared for? Can he be inconvenienced by the needs and emergencies of his children? When you see your boo doing these things, do not hesitate to encourage and support his efforts. These types of men thrive with a strong, support woman by their side. Trust me, they will not take your support for granted. True single fathers understand the sacrifices real women must make to be with them and they are willing and able to show their appreciation for your support and commitment to making the relationship work.
So in conclusion, the choice is really yours but just as with any other significant decision, count up the costs. There is a cost involved in dating a man with children, especially when you do not have children of your own. However, if you approach the situation maturely, make observations and give him time to prove himself, as with any other relationship, it can be successful.
