I was scrolling through twitter earlier today and came across some interesting banter between a well known gossip blogger and a celebrity. Long story short, the gossip blogger tweeted an insult about the celebrity. Less than five minutes later, the celebrity fired back with a few harsh insults of her own.
I'm sure that to some the celebrity "won" the back and forth because her insults packed a greater punch. But I couldn't help but say to myself after witnessing their exchange, "She would have come across so much better had she ignored the insult altogether".
After all, it is kinda hard to maintain your title of "classy" once you've laid it down to "go in" on someone.
It's also hard to tell strong, confident women to pick their battles and ignore petty verbal exchanges. Women know all about being "the bigger person". So why is being the bigger person still such a hard sell?
I believe it's because we have failed to realize that who we are should influence what we choose to acknowledge in our world.
In other words, some things simply don't deserve your attention because of who you are and what you've been called by God to do!
For example, historically, the President of The United States is probably one of the most openly criticized public figures in the country. But because of his high ranking position, we don't expect him to respond to every single insult written about him. It just wouldn't be becoming of a President. He's way too important to even have to acknowledge what every little critic is saying or doing. He's Commander in Chief and can speak to world leaders on a first name basis. Get my point?
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself". Proverbs 26:4
In your own life maybe it's the co-parent who's behaving immaturely or the family member that's always armed with a veiled insult. Wherever the drama comes from, learn how to ignore more than you acknowledge in a day.You're way too important to reduce yourself to a petty war of words or of trading insults. A lot of nonsense in life would die if we'd simply stop giving it life with our attention.
To be the bigger person, you can't continuously step down to where the little people are.
Refuse to validate negativity by acknowledging it!
Ignore more of the negativity in your life than you acknowledge and watch the drama dwindle and your peace of mind multiply.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
What "The Diary of A Baby Mama Means" pt 2
In Part 1 I defined "The Diary Of A Baby Mama". Now let's get into some of the questions that have been raised since the blog began.
Does This Blog Glorify Single Motherhood?
While it is important to be supportive of women who are in this type of family structure, I believe strongly that this is not how God intended for families to be.
No one should aspire to be a single mother.
It is an incredibly difficult road to travel for adults and children. God's Grace is sufficient to help single parents through. But deliberately becoming a single parent subjects children to a life of challenges that just aren't necessary, not to mention the challenges single parents must endure. Parenting isn't about biological clocks and deadlines; it's about the children. I hope that by being candid about my own journey, others will glean from my experience and make better choices for themselves and their own children.
I'm Not a Single Parent. Can I Benefit From Reading This Blog?
One thing this blog attempts to do (and quite successfully I might add) is bridge the gap between all mothers, regardless of the circumstances that brought us all to motherhood. Mothers in general have more similarities than differences and this blog opens the window to look in on a world that other mothers who operate within two parent households may have only known by assumption. Information is power. One of the most difficult duties on earth is motherhood, whether you're married or unmarried. The more women unite and help each other by sharing knowledge and experiences, the better off we'll all be. Also, women who are not yet mothers enjoy many of the posts as they relate to many common experiences. There really is a little something for every woman in Diary of A Baby Mama.
Are You A Male Basher/Anti Marriage?
I am not a male basher. I love men dearly. However, I shoot straight and I don't pull punches. lol! Now, I am a woman so there will certainly be times where my tone may sound more sympathetic to women. The same would occur if a man blogged about being a single dad. Despite all of this, I do have several male readers who are blessed by the blog.While I write from a woman's perspective, I do strive to maintain my respect for all men in my blog. Growth and maturity is a process. I never wanted to hide my growth process from you. That would be dishonest of me. Instead, I carry you along with me as I navigate through my own personal challenges in growing and maturing. It's not always a pretty nor a perfect picture but its certainly an honest one.
Secondly, I am PRO marriage. I believe nations are built by families. God has set men as leaders over families to protect, provide, lead and defend. There's no greater gift that a child could receive than to be raised under the comforting umbrella of a loving mother and father in the union of marriage. Hopefully one day soon and very soon, I'll be blogging about my engagement and future wedding plans! But until that day comes, I'll wait patiently and support as many happily married couples as I can.
Is It Hypocritical To Be A Christian With Children Out Of Wedlock?
While I understand this question, I find it perplexing. Are we asking is it ok to be a sinner before you're a saint or you can't be a saint because you were once a sinner? lol! Christ died for the ungodly, and that would include ME. It's not hypocritical to repent, ask for forgiveness, receive salvation and walk in the newness of life. The Blood of Jesus still cleanses and Grace is still amazing. In the post Family Values, I talked about the need for single, Christian mothers to reinforce their moral values with their children and not be fearful of appearing hypocritical to them. And as Jesus said so graciously to the woman caught in the act of adultery, "Go and sin no more".
I'm excited about the topics He's giving me to discuss in the very near future with you all! As you continue to support, I would ask of you a small favor:
If you've been blessed by a post, pass it on to someone by sharing via facebook, twitter or email. We're all blessed to be a blessing to others.
Together we will continue to glorify God while ministering healing to those who are broken, hurting and in need of God's Grace!
Does This Blog Glorify Single Motherhood?
While it is important to be supportive of women who are in this type of family structure, I believe strongly that this is not how God intended for families to be.
No one should aspire to be a single mother.
It is an incredibly difficult road to travel for adults and children. God's Grace is sufficient to help single parents through. But deliberately becoming a single parent subjects children to a life of challenges that just aren't necessary, not to mention the challenges single parents must endure. Parenting isn't about biological clocks and deadlines; it's about the children. I hope that by being candid about my own journey, others will glean from my experience and make better choices for themselves and their own children.
I'm Not a Single Parent. Can I Benefit From Reading This Blog?
One thing this blog attempts to do (and quite successfully I might add) is bridge the gap between all mothers, regardless of the circumstances that brought us all to motherhood. Mothers in general have more similarities than differences and this blog opens the window to look in on a world that other mothers who operate within two parent households may have only known by assumption. Information is power. One of the most difficult duties on earth is motherhood, whether you're married or unmarried. The more women unite and help each other by sharing knowledge and experiences, the better off we'll all be. Also, women who are not yet mothers enjoy many of the posts as they relate to many common experiences. There really is a little something for every woman in Diary of A Baby Mama.
Are You A Male Basher/Anti Marriage?
I am not a male basher. I love men dearly. However, I shoot straight and I don't pull punches. lol! Now, I am a woman so there will certainly be times where my tone may sound more sympathetic to women. The same would occur if a man blogged about being a single dad. Despite all of this, I do have several male readers who are blessed by the blog.While I write from a woman's perspective, I do strive to maintain my respect for all men in my blog. Growth and maturity is a process. I never wanted to hide my growth process from you. That would be dishonest of me. Instead, I carry you along with me as I navigate through my own personal challenges in growing and maturing. It's not always a pretty nor a perfect picture but its certainly an honest one.
Secondly, I am PRO marriage. I believe nations are built by families. God has set men as leaders over families to protect, provide, lead and defend. There's no greater gift that a child could receive than to be raised under the comforting umbrella of a loving mother and father in the union of marriage. Hopefully one day soon and very soon, I'll be blogging about my engagement and future wedding plans! But until that day comes, I'll wait patiently and support as many happily married couples as I can.
Is It Hypocritical To Be A Christian With Children Out Of Wedlock?
While I understand this question, I find it perplexing. Are we asking is it ok to be a sinner before you're a saint or you can't be a saint because you were once a sinner? lol! Christ died for the ungodly, and that would include ME. It's not hypocritical to repent, ask for forgiveness, receive salvation and walk in the newness of life. The Blood of Jesus still cleanses and Grace is still amazing. In the post Family Values, I talked about the need for single, Christian mothers to reinforce their moral values with their children and not be fearful of appearing hypocritical to them. And as Jesus said so graciously to the woman caught in the act of adultery, "Go and sin no more".
I'm excited about the topics He's giving me to discuss in the very near future with you all! As you continue to support, I would ask of you a small favor:
If you've been blessed by a post, pass it on to someone by sharing via facebook, twitter or email. We're all blessed to be a blessing to others.
Together we will continue to glorify God while ministering healing to those who are broken, hurting and in need of God's Grace!
Monday, June 25, 2012
What "Diary Of A Baby Mama" Means..pt 1
First, I'd like to say thank you to those who faithfully follow my blog and leave comments. I deeply appreciate you! I believe that most of you understand my heartbeat. But as this platform has grown, I wanted to take a moment to revisit just what is behind the blog with the interesting name.
How It All Began
When I started this blog in late 2011, I was writing purely from a therapeutic standpoint. I had no mission statement, no cause. I just felt the leading of the Lord to blog again. I've had a couple of blogs before this one but I stopped updating them for a couple of years. "Diary" was born from a nudge to write again that I now believe was from the Lord. Since I started writing again, some amazing things have happened. I never would have thought that something that started literally as an "online diary" would become the ministry tool that it has evolved into.
But God knew and that's the beauty of being led by Him.
Offend Some, Win Many
I understand that with a title that contains the words "Baby Mama" I stand to offend some segments of society and alienate others. My desire was never to intentionally offend anyone but rather to provoke thought. When the phrase "baby mama" is spoken, immediately images come to mind, as well as stereotypes. I've heard them all: ghetto, uneducated, foolish, loose, drama queens, money hungry, etc. However, once you put a real face, life and testimony with the phrase "Baby Mama", perspectives change. My number one goal in titling my blog as I did was to write from my own perspective so that others could see that not all single mothers are created equal. It's time we put a real face on the ugly term "baby mama". So yea, I've probably alienated some from my blog because of its title. It's risky and a bit gutsy on my part to leave the blog title as is.
But it's a gamble I'm willing to take.
For everyone who could possibly be offended by it, there are countless more who use the term "baby mama" religiously in their daily lives.
But Why Call It "Diary Of A Baby Mama"?
I'm sure there are those who'd argue I could be just as effective and possibly more inclusive with a title that spoke only to single motherhood. But what I have discovered since creating this blog is that no matter how educated and articulate I am, I cannot escape the term "baby mama". It has become accepted in mainstream now. Even the media uses the term to describe the mother of a man's children when they are not married. I'm not one to play it safe or mince words. I pretended for a long time that this term didn't apply to me and didn't affect my everyday life. And lets just say I made that a believable lie, for the sake of argument. What about the other numerous women who have to live with this term in their families and communities? Don't they deserve a voice and a chance to show that they're not what everyone has said that they are?
Indeed they do.
I've always been a champion of the underdog.
In Part 2, I'll deal with questions such as "Is it hypocritical to be a Christian and a single mother?" and "Are you a male basher/anti marriage"? and more!
You don't want to miss it!
How It All Began
When I started this blog in late 2011, I was writing purely from a therapeutic standpoint. I had no mission statement, no cause. I just felt the leading of the Lord to blog again. I've had a couple of blogs before this one but I stopped updating them for a couple of years. "Diary" was born from a nudge to write again that I now believe was from the Lord. Since I started writing again, some amazing things have happened. I never would have thought that something that started literally as an "online diary" would become the ministry tool that it has evolved into.
But God knew and that's the beauty of being led by Him.
Offend Some, Win Many
I understand that with a title that contains the words "Baby Mama" I stand to offend some segments of society and alienate others. My desire was never to intentionally offend anyone but rather to provoke thought. When the phrase "baby mama" is spoken, immediately images come to mind, as well as stereotypes. I've heard them all: ghetto, uneducated, foolish, loose, drama queens, money hungry, etc. However, once you put a real face, life and testimony with the phrase "Baby Mama", perspectives change. My number one goal in titling my blog as I did was to write from my own perspective so that others could see that not all single mothers are created equal. It's time we put a real face on the ugly term "baby mama". So yea, I've probably alienated some from my blog because of its title. It's risky and a bit gutsy on my part to leave the blog title as is.
But it's a gamble I'm willing to take.
For everyone who could possibly be offended by it, there are countless more who use the term "baby mama" religiously in their daily lives.
But Why Call It "Diary Of A Baby Mama"?
I'm sure there are those who'd argue I could be just as effective and possibly more inclusive with a title that spoke only to single motherhood. But what I have discovered since creating this blog is that no matter how educated and articulate I am, I cannot escape the term "baby mama". It has become accepted in mainstream now. Even the media uses the term to describe the mother of a man's children when they are not married. I'm not one to play it safe or mince words. I pretended for a long time that this term didn't apply to me and didn't affect my everyday life. And lets just say I made that a believable lie, for the sake of argument. What about the other numerous women who have to live with this term in their families and communities? Don't they deserve a voice and a chance to show that they're not what everyone has said that they are?
Indeed they do.
I've always been a champion of the underdog.
In Part 2, I'll deal with questions such as "Is it hypocritical to be a Christian and a single mother?" and "Are you a male basher/anti marriage"? and more!
You don't want to miss it!
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Wise Wednesdays: The Joy Of The Lord...
One of my favorite movie scenes is the funeral scene in Steel Magnolias. Sally Fields' character M'Lynn falls apart once the reality of her daughter's death begins to sink in. Overcome by grief, she exclaims, "If just wanna hit someone until they feel as bad as I feel!" Then her friend Clairee pushes forward and offers up Ouiser as the unwilling punching bag.
Suddenly a moment that was drenched and despair and sadness becomes flooded with joy and laughter.
It's one of my favorite movie scenes of all time because I understand that sometimes life will hand you difficulties. There is little we can do to control what comes, but light shines the brightest in dark places.
You smiled today. You laughed today. You admired the beauty of nature today.
Whether great or small, all of those things are God's way of showing you He is near you.
And even if you don't feel like laughing today or tomorrow, trust me you will.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
In those moments you find yourself smiling or even laughing at a funny joke, know that it is the joy of the Lord that empowers you to laugh and smile in the midst of your difficulties.
The joy of the Lord is your strength.
Suddenly a moment that was drenched and despair and sadness becomes flooded with joy and laughter.
It's one of my favorite movie scenes of all time because I understand that sometimes life will hand you difficulties. There is little we can do to control what comes, but light shines the brightest in dark places.
You smiled today. You laughed today. You admired the beauty of nature today.
Whether great or small, all of those things are God's way of showing you He is near you.
And even if you don't feel like laughing today or tomorrow, trust me you will.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
In those moments you find yourself smiling or even laughing at a funny joke, know that it is the joy of the Lord that empowers you to laugh and smile in the midst of your difficulties.
The joy of the Lord is your strength.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
I'll Make You A Promise...
I remember the days I was up to my eyeballs in diapers, baby wipes and baby bottles. I had a 19 month old son and a newborn daughter. It seemed like I'd never see a good night's rest again. I thought I'd never see the bottom of a large box of Huggies.
Don't Give In To Despair
If you're a brand new mom or the mother of multiple small children, it can be easy to despair. The early years are labor intensive for moms. I just wanted to reassure you and make you a promise today..
The promise is: If you don't give up, I promise you, things will get easier and you'll find your rhythm in the midst of all the chaos.
Embrace New Ideas
You may have to reexamine how you go about things and make some adjustments. You may need to be open to new ideas on how to organize your time. Whatever the case, don't allow what you're facing today to block your view of your bright future with your children. There's so much more to look forward to.
One day, your children won't be so dependent on you. You'll know what it feels like not to have to help someone find their tiny missing socks and blow their own nose. That day is coming, no matter how distant those days may seem.
God Will Help You
I promise it gets better and not only that, I promise that along the way, help will come. Don't worry if you can't find someone willing to keep your children for an entire weekend. Thank God for the little down time you have every day, even if it's in the form of a 15 minute shower. However help comes, appreciate it. Take it in small doses, if that's how it comes. But whatever you do, don't miss an opportunity to appreciate the Grace and mercy God gives to you each day in so many different ways.
No matter how frustrated, frazzled and tired you may be now, I promise you that things will get better if you don't give up.
It will get better.
That's a promise.
Check out five things that have helped make motherhood easier for me here: http://mamasbaby.blogspot.com/2012/06/five-tips-for-single-working-moms.html
Don't Give In To Despair
If you're a brand new mom or the mother of multiple small children, it can be easy to despair. The early years are labor intensive for moms. I just wanted to reassure you and make you a promise today..
The promise is: If you don't give up, I promise you, things will get easier and you'll find your rhythm in the midst of all the chaos.
Embrace New Ideas
You may have to reexamine how you go about things and make some adjustments. You may need to be open to new ideas on how to organize your time. Whatever the case, don't allow what you're facing today to block your view of your bright future with your children. There's so much more to look forward to.
One day, your children won't be so dependent on you. You'll know what it feels like not to have to help someone find their tiny missing socks and blow their own nose. That day is coming, no matter how distant those days may seem.
God Will Help You
I promise it gets better and not only that, I promise that along the way, help will come. Don't worry if you can't find someone willing to keep your children for an entire weekend. Thank God for the little down time you have every day, even if it's in the form of a 15 minute shower. However help comes, appreciate it. Take it in small doses, if that's how it comes. But whatever you do, don't miss an opportunity to appreciate the Grace and mercy God gives to you each day in so many different ways.
No matter how frustrated, frazzled and tired you may be now, I promise you that things will get better if you don't give up.
It will get better.
That's a promise.
Check out five things that have helped make motherhood easier for me here: http://mamasbaby.blogspot.com/2012/06/five-tips-for-single-working-moms.html
Five Tips For Single/ Working Moms...
Hi moms and future moms! In this post, I'd like to share some of the helpful tips I've used in my own life to help make life easier. Some of these tips you may already know. Others I'm sure you'll find useful and will pass on.
*Gasp*Yep, I said it. We'd all love to keep an immaculate home all week long. But if you've just finished an all nighter with an aggressive stomach flu and then completed 8 hours in the office, it's highly unlikely your home will be spotless. And it's ok. You're not a bad mom because you haven't reorganized the pantry yet. The children are bathed, fed, and loved. Sounds like a successful day to me! Most working moms have more time during the weekends. Save the heavy, time consuming chores like mopping and organization for the weekends. Keep the lighter chores such as vacuuming and washing dishes for weekdays.
3. Keep the main thing the main thing. This can tie in with #2. It's easy to get overwhelmed by a to-do list, but make sure at the top of that list is "Family". You've finished all your tasks but didn't have time to read a bedtime story or spend some hugs and cuddle time with your children. What's really most important?
4. Make time to take care of YOURSELF! If you have multiple children and even if you don't, it's easy to schedule everyone else's appointments but your own. Mommy needs care too. Take care of yourself. Make sure your own prescriptions are filled and your doctor visits are up to date. Your children need you healthy and strong! Maybe you don't have time to join a gym. There's nothing wrong with taking a regular stroll around the neighborhood with the children or making a few visits to the park with them per week. The physical activity is good for everyone, plus gives you great quality time with your children.
5. Keep meals simple, easy and healthy. At one time I felt that I wasn't doing the best job at preparing a variety of meals for my family. But small children are often picky so what's wrong with doing an encore of their favorite healthy meal in the same week? A favorite in my house is turkey tacos. Normally, I wouldn't recommend having tacos more than once a week. However, by substituting ground turkey for ground beef, there's nothing wrong with letting a family favorite grace the dinner table more than once a week. Dinner's ready in less than 30 minutes and everyone's happy and well fed.
What are some tips that you use to help things run a little more smoothly in your home?
- Cut yourself some slack. Please mom, you've got to do this. I know it sounds cliche but the easiest thing to do when you are a new mom is to become critical of yourself to the point of depression. There will be days when you're too tired to make a five course meal all while folding 10 loads of laundry. It's ok. Hormones, jobs, stress, small children... take a breath. Never forget that your home belongs to you and you have nothing to prove to anyone. You don't have to strive for someone else's standard of perfection.
*Gasp*Yep, I said it. We'd all love to keep an immaculate home all week long. But if you've just finished an all nighter with an aggressive stomach flu and then completed 8 hours in the office, it's highly unlikely your home will be spotless. And it's ok. You're not a bad mom because you haven't reorganized the pantry yet. The children are bathed, fed, and loved. Sounds like a successful day to me! Most working moms have more time during the weekends. Save the heavy, time consuming chores like mopping and organization for the weekends. Keep the lighter chores such as vacuuming and washing dishes for weekdays.
3. Keep the main thing the main thing. This can tie in with #2. It's easy to get overwhelmed by a to-do list, but make sure at the top of that list is "Family". You've finished all your tasks but didn't have time to read a bedtime story or spend some hugs and cuddle time with your children. What's really most important?
4. Make time to take care of YOURSELF! If you have multiple children and even if you don't, it's easy to schedule everyone else's appointments but your own. Mommy needs care too. Take care of yourself. Make sure your own prescriptions are filled and your doctor visits are up to date. Your children need you healthy and strong! Maybe you don't have time to join a gym. There's nothing wrong with taking a regular stroll around the neighborhood with the children or making a few visits to the park with them per week. The physical activity is good for everyone, plus gives you great quality time with your children.
5. Keep meals simple, easy and healthy. At one time I felt that I wasn't doing the best job at preparing a variety of meals for my family. But small children are often picky so what's wrong with doing an encore of their favorite healthy meal in the same week? A favorite in my house is turkey tacos. Normally, I wouldn't recommend having tacos more than once a week. However, by substituting ground turkey for ground beef, there's nothing wrong with letting a family favorite grace the dinner table more than once a week. Dinner's ready in less than 30 minutes and everyone's happy and well fed.
What are some tips that you use to help things run a little more smoothly in your home?
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Father's Day Message Part 2
After many failures in life and a multitude of disappointments, I came to a point where I knew I needed more. Nothing I had and nothing I was doing was working. But what was missing?
What my life was crying out for and what my soul needed was a father.
The sheep that are in the most danger are the ones without a shepherd. Leadership spreads a blanket of protection over us. God is our Father, and in His wisdom, He has given us fathers to protect, guide and provide for us.
This protection comes in many different forms and goes by many different titles. You may call some your coach, your Pastor, Bishop, Apostle, uncle, grandfather or big brother. Whatever the title, the duty is the same. They protect you, keep you safe both naturally and spiritually and direct you in the way you should go.
I'm so glad God answered the prayer I didn't even think to pray. He sent me spiritual leaders who were able to step into my life at a critical juncture and begin leading me in right paths. No one has seen God, but we see our fellow men daily. It's through the people that we see daily that God does some of His greatest work.
Maybe you're at a place in life today that seems dark and confusing. Maybe you're like I used to be and you are the one everyone looks to for answers, but now, you just don't have any. You're on "E" and you don't know what could ever fill you. You've tried hanging out with friends, drinking, being ambitious, smoking and being promiscuous. Everyone tells you these things should make you happy but deep down, they don't. You're in a crowded room but still feel lonely.
Your soul isn't crying out for a drink of alcohol or even a sexual encounter.
You soul is crying out for the safety, protection and comfort of leadership...
A father.
Prayer Point: Father, I pray today for someone who may be reading this who's life has been void of the direction and authority of a father. They've spent days and years not listening to anyone because of pain and disappointment. But today, their soul is crying out for the peace, safety, security and direction that only a father can give. Now Lord, I ask that you would reveal yourself as a Father to them. I also pray that you would connect their lives to an earthly representation of Your Father's heart. You promised to give us pastors after your own heart. Connect them to leaders who will care for them, lead them and instruct them in right paths. Cause their lives to realign to Your perfect will for them. Reveal to them that all they need is You. Show them that You desire to lead them and cause them to receive leadership and instruction that will direct their destiny. Thank you Lord for victory and breakthrough that is flooding their lives now! It's in your Great and Holy Name that we pray, Amen.
Pain and agony ends where leadership and instruction begins. Thank God for those He has sent into your life to instruct you in His ways and keep you safe. Continue to pray that He would connect you with those who can father you.
I'm a witness that He will.
You don't need another crutch. You need a father and you need to listen to him.
The heart of God today is for His people to return to Him. Your life may have many voids, but only He can fill them. Only He can direct you, guide you and shepherd you. Your Heavenly Father knows what you have need of and He wants to provide it. If you've strayed away from your Father, hear His call- Return. He loves you today and though you life may be broken, He is the only one who can make it new.
Receive the healing touch of the Father today.
What my life was crying out for and what my soul needed was a father.
The sheep that are in the most danger are the ones without a shepherd. Leadership spreads a blanket of protection over us. God is our Father, and in His wisdom, He has given us fathers to protect, guide and provide for us.
This protection comes in many different forms and goes by many different titles. You may call some your coach, your Pastor, Bishop, Apostle, uncle, grandfather or big brother. Whatever the title, the duty is the same. They protect you, keep you safe both naturally and spiritually and direct you in the way you should go.
I'm so glad God answered the prayer I didn't even think to pray. He sent me spiritual leaders who were able to step into my life at a critical juncture and begin leading me in right paths. No one has seen God, but we see our fellow men daily. It's through the people that we see daily that God does some of His greatest work.
Maybe you're at a place in life today that seems dark and confusing. Maybe you're like I used to be and you are the one everyone looks to for answers, but now, you just don't have any. You're on "E" and you don't know what could ever fill you. You've tried hanging out with friends, drinking, being ambitious, smoking and being promiscuous. Everyone tells you these things should make you happy but deep down, they don't. You're in a crowded room but still feel lonely.
Your soul isn't crying out for a drink of alcohol or even a sexual encounter.
You soul is crying out for the safety, protection and comfort of leadership...
A father.
Prayer Point: Father, I pray today for someone who may be reading this who's life has been void of the direction and authority of a father. They've spent days and years not listening to anyone because of pain and disappointment. But today, their soul is crying out for the peace, safety, security and direction that only a father can give. Now Lord, I ask that you would reveal yourself as a Father to them. I also pray that you would connect their lives to an earthly representation of Your Father's heart. You promised to give us pastors after your own heart. Connect them to leaders who will care for them, lead them and instruct them in right paths. Cause their lives to realign to Your perfect will for them. Reveal to them that all they need is You. Show them that You desire to lead them and cause them to receive leadership and instruction that will direct their destiny. Thank you Lord for victory and breakthrough that is flooding their lives now! It's in your Great and Holy Name that we pray, Amen.
Pain and agony ends where leadership and instruction begins. Thank God for those He has sent into your life to instruct you in His ways and keep you safe. Continue to pray that He would connect you with those who can father you.
I'm a witness that He will.
You don't need another crutch. You need a father and you need to listen to him.
The heart of God today is for His people to return to Him. Your life may have many voids, but only He can fill them. Only He can direct you, guide you and shepherd you. Your Heavenly Father knows what you have need of and He wants to provide it. If you've strayed away from your Father, hear His call- Return. He loves you today and though you life may be broken, He is the only one who can make it new.
Receive the healing touch of the Father today.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Father's Day Message Part 1
When you think of fatherhood, authority and leadership immediately come to mind. Take a look at our society, and you can see what is missing.
Take a look at the Church, and you can see what is missing.
Your life is never so chaotic and disastrous than the moment when godly leadership and authority is removed from your life.
I've met plenty of people in my generation and younger who are fed up with authority and leadership.
We've seen and heard it all, and a lot of us have done it all. We know God should be the head of our lives, but who among us has the right to tell us how to live?
As far as we can see, everyone that claims to love and know God acts just like we do and has just as many if not more problems than we do.
Who needs a leader?
Who needs a father?
It's funny because when you've done without something for so long, you become defensive and say to yourself, "Well, I really didn't need that anyway".
The walls come up, the heart grows cold, and the pain continues.
But this Father's Day, I believe that God has a message for His people, young and old, men and women: You need a father.
To be continued in Part 2...
Take a look at the Church, and you can see what is missing.
Your life is never so chaotic and disastrous than the moment when godly leadership and authority is removed from your life.
I've met plenty of people in my generation and younger who are fed up with authority and leadership.
We've seen and heard it all, and a lot of us have done it all. We know God should be the head of our lives, but who among us has the right to tell us how to live?
As far as we can see, everyone that claims to love and know God acts just like we do and has just as many if not more problems than we do.
Who needs a leader?
Who needs a father?
It's funny because when you've done without something for so long, you become defensive and say to yourself, "Well, I really didn't need that anyway".
The walls come up, the heart grows cold, and the pain continues.
But this Father's Day, I believe that God has a message for His people, young and old, men and women: You need a father.
To be continued in Part 2...
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
When Moms Get A Report Card...
One of the hardest things for a mom to accept is constructive criticism. It just plain hurts. It's tough for moms in general and single moms specifically to hear anything that sounds even remotely like "what you're doing now isn't good enough". It's almost as if your parenting just got graded and you immediately see nothing but F's straight down the column. But there's always a better and sometimes easier way to go about things.
My sister and I talked earlier about a well known singer who has natural talent. There's no disputing the fact that the woman can sing her face off. However, when it comes to her presentation, she's not for everyone. Sure there are some loyal fans who can tolerate her insisting on performing without shoes and sometimes, without proper undergarments. They'll stick it out with her. However, she's limiting her reach to so many other people, not because she doesn't have talent but because she refuses to change her presentation.
Don't be closed minded when it comes to receiving constructive criticism from various sources in your life. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Realize that motherhood is certainly a challenging assignment, but it doesn't have to be done in the most difficult way. Schedules can provide much needed structure to households and even show you where you have more time in your day for things that matter most to you. Taking a closer look at the eating habits can improve both the behavior and health of your child. Creating a week long menu can also reduce your grocery bill.There's more than one way to go about things. Embrace research and information. Never stop learning.
Staying open to learning new things is one of the best gifts any mom can give to her family.
My sister and I talked earlier about a well known singer who has natural talent. There's no disputing the fact that the woman can sing her face off. However, when it comes to her presentation, she's not for everyone. Sure there are some loyal fans who can tolerate her insisting on performing without shoes and sometimes, without proper undergarments. They'll stick it out with her. However, she's limiting her reach to so many other people, not because she doesn't have talent but because she refuses to change her presentation.
Don't be closed minded when it comes to receiving constructive criticism from various sources in your life. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Realize that motherhood is certainly a challenging assignment, but it doesn't have to be done in the most difficult way. Schedules can provide much needed structure to households and even show you where you have more time in your day for things that matter most to you. Taking a closer look at the eating habits can improve both the behavior and health of your child. Creating a week long menu can also reduce your grocery bill.There's more than one way to go about things. Embrace research and information. Never stop learning.
Staying open to learning new things is one of the best gifts any mom can give to her family.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Late Night...
It's been a challenging three or four days. But the show goes on for moms, whether we feel our best or not. Tomorrow's a new day and I'm believing for better!
Saturday, June 09, 2012
The Bare Naked Truth...
In this blog, I'm going to give it to you as straight as I can about being a single mother and more specifically, a baby mama. Oh, you thought those two were the same?
Not at all.
I'm not going to worry too much about form. I just want the truth to flow as organically as possible.
Here's a quick list of truths I never heard before I became a single parent but that I had to learn the hard way:
1. There is a difference between being called a single parent and being called a "baby mama" and it is not subtle.
2. Don't assume that your family, even if you all are close, can or will be able to help you every single time you need help.
3. Most people want to hold your baby. Few will want to keep your baby for you.
4. Daycare is expensive. How expensive? The decent ones are around $150 per child, per week and that's CHEAP. If you have two or more small children, you do the math.
5. One of the hardest decisions you'll ever be faced with is trying to balance quality childcare against what you can afford. Nothing worse than having to choose between allowing someone you're not 100% comfortable with to watch your child or losing your job.
6. At home daycare providers are significantly more affordable than daycare centers but unfortunately, you get what you pay for. The less you pay, the more you'll have to worry. Also, if you go the even cheaper route of choosing to allow a family member or friend to keep your child, make this a temporary arrangement. Most unlicensed sitters are not trained to prepare your child for kindergarten. So while your child may be safe with relatives, you may face learning delays when it is time to place your child in public school. Preschool or "Head Start" is the best investment you can make in your child's acedemic future. You'll thank me when your child is graduating from kindergarten knowing how to read and speak clearly. However, there's one more word of caution when selecting a family member or close friend as a caregiver of your children. Unfortunately, tensions can flare and contention can arise when caregivers challenge your authority as a mother or when you give them specific care instructions for your child, which they ignore with a huff. I know it's tempting to go with the cheapest solution when deciding on childcare, but consider everything that could go wrong. Weigh it out. Be prepared to have a plan B & C for every decision you make. People are fickle, even family members. There's nothing like an hour before you're scheduled to work having a sitter back out because she's offended. Oh yea, that does happen, ya know.
7. Family Court is no place for families. I know the first thing people holler to single mothers is to take an irresponsible father to court. However, this is the last resort and once you're inside a court room, you will realize this fact with sobering clarity. Oh, and it costs money to get things done through the judicial system- BIG money. Have you heard of retainer fees? You will.
8. Visitation orders suck. Yea, your children gets to see their father but every other week visits are tough to explain to small children-VERY tough. That's a long time to go without seeing daddy.
9. Your family loves you but will often disagree with your decisions. Those you come to rely on for help cannot help but feel a sense of entitlement when it comes to voicing their opinions about your life and the care of your children. It will piss you off but it's par for the course. You can't bite the hand that feeds you and you'll have to learn how to forgive family for caring about you.
10. Little boys' hair grows sooo fast! Invest in a set of clippers. Learn how to do a basic line up.
12. Not every job is parent friendly. Thank God if you work on a job that understands you are a working parent and will provide you the flexibility you need to care for your children.
13. There will be many days that you'll feel disconnected from the raising of your children as a working, single mom. You'll feel as if other people are raising your children, and they are. It will hurt when your children become emotionally attached to their caregivers and it seems as if their caregivers are more in touch with their needs than you. But the sooner you accept that other people ARE helping you to raise your children and not resent that fact, you can enjoy the love and stability they bring to the life of your children and the peace of mind they give to you. There's nothing like knowing your children are in good hands while you're out earning a living.
14. If you have been given the title of "baby mama" by the father of your child or children, don't assume that his side of the family will accept you. There may be those one or two family members who are open minded and will accept you and invite you into the family functions, but let's be clear. Baby mama is not a wife and no generation makes this more clear than the old school. Respect is good if you can get it and appreciate it when it's given. But do not assume it will be given by the other side of the family. You are NOT an in-law. It's tight, but it's right.
15. Unfortunately, along with the title of "baby mama" comes the assumption by family, friends and significant others of your children's father that you=drama, automatically, without question and without fail. Of course this assumption is only validated when you become a collections agency, constantly calling and doing drive by's to his job or house in an attempt to collect a child support payment or receive any other monetary help for your children. I don't recommend this method. Some women will claim they've succeeded in getting the things their children need by harassing the father but that's a decision you will have to make. For some, they don't mind harassing people to get them to do things. Personally, I don't have the time, energy or will to follow anyone around to do right by his children. Weigh the pro's and the con's of this type of behavior. If your relationship with your children's father was already volatile, then you're setting yourself up to meet a nasty confrontation somewhere along the line and most likely, this clash of the Titans will take place in front of the children. It's NOT worth it-seriously.
16. Being a single parent is not easy! It sure as shootin' isn't glamorous! No one deserves a badge of honor for deliberately choosing to be a single parent. Some women are single parents due to divorce and others are widows. However, there's nothing honorable about deliberately deciding that you will bring a child into this world with no connection to a father. Father figures aren't fathers. They don't tuck your children in at night, every single night. They don't check under the bed for scary monsters. They don't give them the daily dose of safety, security and authority that children need in order to thrive and develop as they should. Single mothers like me know this. We shake our heads when women boast confidently that they will get pregnant, with or without a man and raise their child alone, all to beat the biological clock. Lord help. How intensely selfish. You know what? There's nothing selfish about parenting-at all. Think of how your life would have been had your mother or father decided to raise you with no knowledge of who the other parent was. Does that sound like fun? Does it seem like a good idea now? Please reconsider.
17. If you have to use public assistance, do not be ashamed to. There are plenty of people who decry public assistance, but if you're struggling to make ends meet and have put forth a sincere effort to provide for your children, seek help. I'd rather help you with my tax dollars and know that your child can receive medical care when needed and live in a safe environment than for your children to suffer for the sake of your pride.
18. That leads me to my next, bare naked truth: At first swallowing your pride will feel like a horse pill. But as a single mother, you'll have to do it so much and in so many situations and for so many different reasons, that it'll eventually become second nature. I'm serious when I say this: mamas in general have to swallow their pride of the sake of their children, but single mamas get an extra dose.
19. The buck stops with you. If anything is lacking in your child's life, you will be the first to be blamed for it and you will be the first person that everyone expects to assume responsibility for EVERYTHING. Now that's the bare naked. Too bad it's not fair and you don't like it. HA! "Fair" left right along with your pre-stretch mark belly. It can be a heavy load to carry but that's where God's Grace is so crucial in the lives of single mothers. You can do it without the help of men, but you can't do it without the help of the Lord. Never forget that.
20. One day you'll have to answer some tough questions for your children. I know when you're in the early stages of pregnancy or your child is still an infant, you feel as if you have plenty of time before you have to cross those difficult bridges. But take it from a single mother who has already been interrogated by a 5 year old child who is sharp as a tack, that those bridges come up on you QUICKLY. The bare naked truth is that your relationship to their father may not have been storybook. Maybe it was the result of a one night stand, a drunken moment of passion, or even an affair. Whatever the circumstances, don't play your children for fools. Tell them the truth and establish a truthful relationship with them early and immediately. If they can count on mama to give it to them straight, they'll come to respect you more and be more apt to receive your counsel when they need it. But if you paint yourself up to be perfect and never acknowledge your wrong turns, your children will look at you like a monument that they must admire from a distance and as a picture of perfection they can never imitate. Be real. Be honest. And for goodness sake, tell them about CONSEQUENCES.
21. If you don't like women or have issues with being friends with women, deal with that. Women will show you how to care for your newborn. Women will help you raise your child. Women will teach your child to read and write. Some will even help you potty train your child. For goodness sake, respect those who are helping you to be a mom! Hating other women and refusing to engage other women is self hatred. Let go of the resentment and begin to see the beauty within other women and receive their love and support. Motherhood is a community. So many women are willing and eager to share with you what they know. They can teach you how to get out impossible stains, how to treat a high fever or even how to get a newborn on a sleep schedule. But this wealth of knowledge will never be yours if you continue to wall yourself off from other women and view them as your adversary.
22. You cannot afford to be petty. Petty single mothers spend most of their time in the judicial system and entertaining drama. There's just some things you're going to have to learn to let go. They eat candy and stay up til midnight when they visit their dad. Let it go. He has a "friend" that occasionally spends the night at his house when he has the children but he conveniently has never introduced her to you. Let it go. He pays his child support but it is ALWAYS late. Let it go. That's right I said it!!! LET IT GO! Stop trying to be the police of his life! You're going to wear yourself our trying to raise him AND your children. Let the payments be late as long as they're made. Let him have the overnight visitor as long as he's consistently spending time with his children and they're safe. Here's a sobering disclaimer: If you think you're going to waltz into a Family Court and tell a Judge that you don't want a girlfriend hanging around your children, you are going to be in for a rude awakening. First, you are not a wife. You are an ex, but you're not an ex wife. Different laws apply. So if you're trying to get all up in his personal life and prevent him from bringing another woman around your children, you will have to prove that your children are suffering psychological harm from being around her. That means you'll have to hire an attorney, you may have to pay for a psychologist who will examine your children (are you sure you want this?) and then the court may appoint a guardian ad lid em to investigate both you AND the father to see who is fit to raise the children. You run the risk of losing custody of your children yourself. Do you see how being petty can quickly snowball into a very long, expensive and painful process? I never said being a single parent was fun. There's NOTHING fun about the parts that no one wants to talk about. All you see are women who dress up their children in coordinating outfits and who celebrate their strength and independence. This has been a behind-the-scenes look at just a small portion of what many single mothers deal with on a daily basis. I've in no way covered it all because I'm STILL discovering some of the hardships involved in having children outside of wedlock as more and more women come forward and share their own stories.
These truths were in no way written to discourage any woman who has just found out that she is pregnant. Of course I support women who take the enormous step of faith to raise their children alone. However, no one should undertake such an endeavor without knowledge. No young woman who is daydreaming with her boyfriend between classes about having his baby should be lied to and denied the bare naked truth of such a decision. You may or may not get to finish school if you have a child while you're in school. I've seen more women drop out and never go back than I've seen women complete their education. It's tough to hold down a full time job (or two) raise a child or multiple children, attend their functions, and try to squeeze in having a life. By the time the day is done, completing your education gets moved to the bottom of the pile. There are plenty of women who are successfully raising their children without a man, owning their decisions and making the best of their circumstances. But it is HIGH TIME that such women stood up and told the TRUTH so that young women would stop signing up for a life they have no idea about.
I may write the bare naked truth about dating a man who has children when you don't have any yourself.
Let me know in comments if that's a post you'd like to see.
Also, tell me your thoughts concerning the bare naked truths I laid out tonight.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Not at all.
I'm not going to worry too much about form. I just want the truth to flow as organically as possible.
Here's a quick list of truths I never heard before I became a single parent but that I had to learn the hard way:
1. There is a difference between being called a single parent and being called a "baby mama" and it is not subtle.
2. Don't assume that your family, even if you all are close, can or will be able to help you every single time you need help.
3. Most people want to hold your baby. Few will want to keep your baby for you.
4. Daycare is expensive. How expensive? The decent ones are around $150 per child, per week and that's CHEAP. If you have two or more small children, you do the math.
5. One of the hardest decisions you'll ever be faced with is trying to balance quality childcare against what you can afford. Nothing worse than having to choose between allowing someone you're not 100% comfortable with to watch your child or losing your job.
6. At home daycare providers are significantly more affordable than daycare centers but unfortunately, you get what you pay for. The less you pay, the more you'll have to worry. Also, if you go the even cheaper route of choosing to allow a family member or friend to keep your child, make this a temporary arrangement. Most unlicensed sitters are not trained to prepare your child for kindergarten. So while your child may be safe with relatives, you may face learning delays when it is time to place your child in public school. Preschool or "Head Start" is the best investment you can make in your child's acedemic future. You'll thank me when your child is graduating from kindergarten knowing how to read and speak clearly. However, there's one more word of caution when selecting a family member or close friend as a caregiver of your children. Unfortunately, tensions can flare and contention can arise when caregivers challenge your authority as a mother or when you give them specific care instructions for your child, which they ignore with a huff. I know it's tempting to go with the cheapest solution when deciding on childcare, but consider everything that could go wrong. Weigh it out. Be prepared to have a plan B & C for every decision you make. People are fickle, even family members. There's nothing like an hour before you're scheduled to work having a sitter back out because she's offended. Oh yea, that does happen, ya know.
7. Family Court is no place for families. I know the first thing people holler to single mothers is to take an irresponsible father to court. However, this is the last resort and once you're inside a court room, you will realize this fact with sobering clarity. Oh, and it costs money to get things done through the judicial system- BIG money. Have you heard of retainer fees? You will.
8. Visitation orders suck. Yea, your children gets to see their father but every other week visits are tough to explain to small children-VERY tough. That's a long time to go without seeing daddy.
9. Your family loves you but will often disagree with your decisions. Those you come to rely on for help cannot help but feel a sense of entitlement when it comes to voicing their opinions about your life and the care of your children. It will piss you off but it's par for the course. You can't bite the hand that feeds you and you'll have to learn how to forgive family for caring about you.
10. Little boys' hair grows sooo fast! Invest in a set of clippers. Learn how to do a basic line up.
12. Not every job is parent friendly. Thank God if you work on a job that understands you are a working parent and will provide you the flexibility you need to care for your children.
13. There will be many days that you'll feel disconnected from the raising of your children as a working, single mom. You'll feel as if other people are raising your children, and they are. It will hurt when your children become emotionally attached to their caregivers and it seems as if their caregivers are more in touch with their needs than you. But the sooner you accept that other people ARE helping you to raise your children and not resent that fact, you can enjoy the love and stability they bring to the life of your children and the peace of mind they give to you. There's nothing like knowing your children are in good hands while you're out earning a living.
14. If you have been given the title of "baby mama" by the father of your child or children, don't assume that his side of the family will accept you. There may be those one or two family members who are open minded and will accept you and invite you into the family functions, but let's be clear. Baby mama is not a wife and no generation makes this more clear than the old school. Respect is good if you can get it and appreciate it when it's given. But do not assume it will be given by the other side of the family. You are NOT an in-law. It's tight, but it's right.
15. Unfortunately, along with the title of "baby mama" comes the assumption by family, friends and significant others of your children's father that you=drama, automatically, without question and without fail. Of course this assumption is only validated when you become a collections agency, constantly calling and doing drive by's to his job or house in an attempt to collect a child support payment or receive any other monetary help for your children. I don't recommend this method. Some women will claim they've succeeded in getting the things their children need by harassing the father but that's a decision you will have to make. For some, they don't mind harassing people to get them to do things. Personally, I don't have the time, energy or will to follow anyone around to do right by his children. Weigh the pro's and the con's of this type of behavior. If your relationship with your children's father was already volatile, then you're setting yourself up to meet a nasty confrontation somewhere along the line and most likely, this clash of the Titans will take place in front of the children. It's NOT worth it-seriously.
16. Being a single parent is not easy! It sure as shootin' isn't glamorous! No one deserves a badge of honor for deliberately choosing to be a single parent. Some women are single parents due to divorce and others are widows. However, there's nothing honorable about deliberately deciding that you will bring a child into this world with no connection to a father. Father figures aren't fathers. They don't tuck your children in at night, every single night. They don't check under the bed for scary monsters. They don't give them the daily dose of safety, security and authority that children need in order to thrive and develop as they should. Single mothers like me know this. We shake our heads when women boast confidently that they will get pregnant, with or without a man and raise their child alone, all to beat the biological clock. Lord help. How intensely selfish. You know what? There's nothing selfish about parenting-at all. Think of how your life would have been had your mother or father decided to raise you with no knowledge of who the other parent was. Does that sound like fun? Does it seem like a good idea now? Please reconsider.
17. If you have to use public assistance, do not be ashamed to. There are plenty of people who decry public assistance, but if you're struggling to make ends meet and have put forth a sincere effort to provide for your children, seek help. I'd rather help you with my tax dollars and know that your child can receive medical care when needed and live in a safe environment than for your children to suffer for the sake of your pride.
18. That leads me to my next, bare naked truth: At first swallowing your pride will feel like a horse pill. But as a single mother, you'll have to do it so much and in so many situations and for so many different reasons, that it'll eventually become second nature. I'm serious when I say this: mamas in general have to swallow their pride of the sake of their children, but single mamas get an extra dose.
19. The buck stops with you. If anything is lacking in your child's life, you will be the first to be blamed for it and you will be the first person that everyone expects to assume responsibility for EVERYTHING. Now that's the bare naked. Too bad it's not fair and you don't like it. HA! "Fair" left right along with your pre-stretch mark belly. It can be a heavy load to carry but that's where God's Grace is so crucial in the lives of single mothers. You can do it without the help of men, but you can't do it without the help of the Lord. Never forget that.
20. One day you'll have to answer some tough questions for your children. I know when you're in the early stages of pregnancy or your child is still an infant, you feel as if you have plenty of time before you have to cross those difficult bridges. But take it from a single mother who has already been interrogated by a 5 year old child who is sharp as a tack, that those bridges come up on you QUICKLY. The bare naked truth is that your relationship to their father may not have been storybook. Maybe it was the result of a one night stand, a drunken moment of passion, or even an affair. Whatever the circumstances, don't play your children for fools. Tell them the truth and establish a truthful relationship with them early and immediately. If they can count on mama to give it to them straight, they'll come to respect you more and be more apt to receive your counsel when they need it. But if you paint yourself up to be perfect and never acknowledge your wrong turns, your children will look at you like a monument that they must admire from a distance and as a picture of perfection they can never imitate. Be real. Be honest. And for goodness sake, tell them about CONSEQUENCES.
21. If you don't like women or have issues with being friends with women, deal with that. Women will show you how to care for your newborn. Women will help you raise your child. Women will teach your child to read and write. Some will even help you potty train your child. For goodness sake, respect those who are helping you to be a mom! Hating other women and refusing to engage other women is self hatred. Let go of the resentment and begin to see the beauty within other women and receive their love and support. Motherhood is a community. So many women are willing and eager to share with you what they know. They can teach you how to get out impossible stains, how to treat a high fever or even how to get a newborn on a sleep schedule. But this wealth of knowledge will never be yours if you continue to wall yourself off from other women and view them as your adversary.
22. You cannot afford to be petty. Petty single mothers spend most of their time in the judicial system and entertaining drama. There's just some things you're going to have to learn to let go. They eat candy and stay up til midnight when they visit their dad. Let it go. He has a "friend" that occasionally spends the night at his house when he has the children but he conveniently has never introduced her to you. Let it go. He pays his child support but it is ALWAYS late. Let it go. That's right I said it!!! LET IT GO! Stop trying to be the police of his life! You're going to wear yourself our trying to raise him AND your children. Let the payments be late as long as they're made. Let him have the overnight visitor as long as he's consistently spending time with his children and they're safe. Here's a sobering disclaimer: If you think you're going to waltz into a Family Court and tell a Judge that you don't want a girlfriend hanging around your children, you are going to be in for a rude awakening. First, you are not a wife. You are an ex, but you're not an ex wife. Different laws apply. So if you're trying to get all up in his personal life and prevent him from bringing another woman around your children, you will have to prove that your children are suffering psychological harm from being around her. That means you'll have to hire an attorney, you may have to pay for a psychologist who will examine your children (are you sure you want this?) and then the court may appoint a guardian ad lid em to investigate both you AND the father to see who is fit to raise the children. You run the risk of losing custody of your children yourself. Do you see how being petty can quickly snowball into a very long, expensive and painful process? I never said being a single parent was fun. There's NOTHING fun about the parts that no one wants to talk about. All you see are women who dress up their children in coordinating outfits and who celebrate their strength and independence. This has been a behind-the-scenes look at just a small portion of what many single mothers deal with on a daily basis. I've in no way covered it all because I'm STILL discovering some of the hardships involved in having children outside of wedlock as more and more women come forward and share their own stories.
These truths were in no way written to discourage any woman who has just found out that she is pregnant. Of course I support women who take the enormous step of faith to raise their children alone. However, no one should undertake such an endeavor without knowledge. No young woman who is daydreaming with her boyfriend between classes about having his baby should be lied to and denied the bare naked truth of such a decision. You may or may not get to finish school if you have a child while you're in school. I've seen more women drop out and never go back than I've seen women complete their education. It's tough to hold down a full time job (or two) raise a child or multiple children, attend their functions, and try to squeeze in having a life. By the time the day is done, completing your education gets moved to the bottom of the pile. There are plenty of women who are successfully raising their children without a man, owning their decisions and making the best of their circumstances. But it is HIGH TIME that such women stood up and told the TRUTH so that young women would stop signing up for a life they have no idea about.
I may write the bare naked truth about dating a man who has children when you don't have any yourself.
Let me know in comments if that's a post you'd like to see.
Also, tell me your thoughts concerning the bare naked truths I laid out tonight.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Friday, June 08, 2012
So-Called Friends...
I must admit that for most of my life I have not enjoyed the company of numerous friends. I've had one or two here and there over the course of my entire life that I can call true friends. And now at the ripe old age of 34, I find myself still without a large company of true friends.
However, this doesn't bother me anymore.
Over the past 8 years, I've walked through several experiences that caused me to see that people who prided themselves in declaring they had "best friends" actually had best actors and actresses.
I'm not here to talk about backstabbers and gossips. Shifting blame is a great way to avoid taking personal responsibility. What I do want to talk about is the importance of using wisdom and seeking God when it comes to those you will connect your life to by way of friendship. Proverbs 25:19 has this to say: "Like a bad tooth or a lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in times of trouble". It has often been said that we don't know who our trues friends are until we experience hard times or are in need. However, I don't believe this to be entirely true. Most of the time, we do know who our true friends are but we spend most of our time and energy on friends who are not true, in the hopes that they will change. It seems to be something deeply ingrained in human nature to neglect those who care the most for us and to sacrifice our time, energy and resources for those who have never demonstrated a willingness to do the same for us.
The older I get, the less confident I become in my own abilities. When I examine my life critically, I realize that my ability to discern between fake and real has often been way off. So what should we do? We should seek God and ask Him to reveal to us those people in our lives who have lying lips and deceitful hearts.
Sound harsh?
Maybe it is, but wouldn't you like to know?
There once was a group of women I used to associate with on a daily basis. We had a sort of online sorority going on. We emailed and chatted throughout our work days and discussed everything from current events to personal issues. After a while, the Holy Spirit told me that I needed to disconnect from this group. Something just didn't feel right. There were a few occurrences in our interaction that left me feeling that most of the women were insincere but I brushed it off, assuming it was just my own insecurity that was causing me to doubt them. However, here's one important truth that you must know: The Holy Spirit may contradict you, but He will NEVER lie to you. Just because I didn't think they were insincere and didn't want to believe they were, doesn't mean that what the Holy Spirit was revealing to me in my heart was a lie. Of course, I found out a few months later (the hard way) that everything the Holy Spirit told me was true and I ended up being hurt deeply by these women that I'd placed so much confidence in.
Why am I telling you this?
I'm telling you that you cannot rely on your own ability to spot "good" and "bad" people. No one knows the hearts of men except God Himself. He's perfectly willing to reveal what a person's true motives are to you, but you must first be willing to ask and receive His answer once He gives it.
Finally, I want to talk about the need for associating yourself with people of character and integrity. Just recently I disconnected from a friendship, not because of anything she'd done to me personally but because of what she told me that she did to another person. She was vindictive, spiteful and just plain wrong. She confided in me about her actions and I was greatly disturbed by her behavior. This wasn't the first time her questionable character hadn't sat well with me, but this time, the Holy Spirit drew His line in the sand. He told me it was time to let her go. In my heart, I said, "She hasn't done anything to me personally. She explained to me why she did what she did. She did it to get back at someone who wronged her. Why should I hold it against her if it wasn't directed towards me?" The Holy Spirit gave me an answer. He said, "She hasn't done anything to you YET. But she has just shown you what she is capable of doing to someone that she does not like or becomes angry with. Just because you're on her good side today doesn't mean you won't find yourself on her bad side tomorrow. Don't kid yourself in assuming she would spare you simply because of who you are. Her actions prove to you that when she is angry, she becomes consumed with spite. It is dangerous to assume that you will never find yourself on her bad side, even unintentionally".
Wow.
So without further delay, I disconnected from that friendship.
The character of your friends matter. You don't sleep with married men but you have friends who will. She is capable of wrecking another woman's home but you assume she'd never wreck yours? Don't flatter yourself. You have friends who gossip about other women and run them down in the ground. You assume she'd never talk about you this way because she says, "You're my girl!" But she has proven that she is capable of smiling in some one's face and tearing them down behind their back. It would be foolish to assume she is incapable of doing the same to you.
You need the Holy Spirit as a guide in your life. He is the Spirit of Truth. He wants to help us navigate through this life and connect our lives to people who will build us up, strengthen us and that we can do the same for them. Not all friendships are created equal. Not all relationships are productive and healthy. Don't make the critical mistake of thinking you are capable if judging a person's heart simply from their actions. If someone treats you good but destroys everyone else in their life, who is that person FOR REAL?
You cannot afford to ignore the truth that is screaming at you daily concerning the people you have taken into your life and called friends. The Word says, "Bad company corrupts good character". This is true of young and old. I'm not friends with some people (that's not to say I'm not friendly) because the last thing I need is for someone to assume that I have the same character as the person I have taken into my life.
My friends think like me. They share my values. You can know me by the people I call friends. Jesus was called a friend of sinners but the truth is, He was a friend of those with a pure heart. Ask God to reveal those who are not of a pure heart in your life and to connect your life to those who are. You can't afford to continue with people who do not reflect your values and who will not be faithful in times of adversity.
Ask the Lord to guide you and He will direct your paths.
However, this doesn't bother me anymore.
Over the past 8 years, I've walked through several experiences that caused me to see that people who prided themselves in declaring they had "best friends" actually had best actors and actresses.
I'm not here to talk about backstabbers and gossips. Shifting blame is a great way to avoid taking personal responsibility. What I do want to talk about is the importance of using wisdom and seeking God when it comes to those you will connect your life to by way of friendship. Proverbs 25:19 has this to say: "Like a bad tooth or a lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in times of trouble". It has often been said that we don't know who our trues friends are until we experience hard times or are in need. However, I don't believe this to be entirely true. Most of the time, we do know who our true friends are but we spend most of our time and energy on friends who are not true, in the hopes that they will change. It seems to be something deeply ingrained in human nature to neglect those who care the most for us and to sacrifice our time, energy and resources for those who have never demonstrated a willingness to do the same for us.
The older I get, the less confident I become in my own abilities. When I examine my life critically, I realize that my ability to discern between fake and real has often been way off. So what should we do? We should seek God and ask Him to reveal to us those people in our lives who have lying lips and deceitful hearts.
Sound harsh?
Maybe it is, but wouldn't you like to know?
There once was a group of women I used to associate with on a daily basis. We had a sort of online sorority going on. We emailed and chatted throughout our work days and discussed everything from current events to personal issues. After a while, the Holy Spirit told me that I needed to disconnect from this group. Something just didn't feel right. There were a few occurrences in our interaction that left me feeling that most of the women were insincere but I brushed it off, assuming it was just my own insecurity that was causing me to doubt them. However, here's one important truth that you must know: The Holy Spirit may contradict you, but He will NEVER lie to you. Just because I didn't think they were insincere and didn't want to believe they were, doesn't mean that what the Holy Spirit was revealing to me in my heart was a lie. Of course, I found out a few months later (the hard way) that everything the Holy Spirit told me was true and I ended up being hurt deeply by these women that I'd placed so much confidence in.
Why am I telling you this?
I'm telling you that you cannot rely on your own ability to spot "good" and "bad" people. No one knows the hearts of men except God Himself. He's perfectly willing to reveal what a person's true motives are to you, but you must first be willing to ask and receive His answer once He gives it.
Finally, I want to talk about the need for associating yourself with people of character and integrity. Just recently I disconnected from a friendship, not because of anything she'd done to me personally but because of what she told me that she did to another person. She was vindictive, spiteful and just plain wrong. She confided in me about her actions and I was greatly disturbed by her behavior. This wasn't the first time her questionable character hadn't sat well with me, but this time, the Holy Spirit drew His line in the sand. He told me it was time to let her go. In my heart, I said, "She hasn't done anything to me personally. She explained to me why she did what she did. She did it to get back at someone who wronged her. Why should I hold it against her if it wasn't directed towards me?" The Holy Spirit gave me an answer. He said, "She hasn't done anything to you YET. But she has just shown you what she is capable of doing to someone that she does not like or becomes angry with. Just because you're on her good side today doesn't mean you won't find yourself on her bad side tomorrow. Don't kid yourself in assuming she would spare you simply because of who you are. Her actions prove to you that when she is angry, she becomes consumed with spite. It is dangerous to assume that you will never find yourself on her bad side, even unintentionally".
Wow.
So without further delay, I disconnected from that friendship.
The character of your friends matter. You don't sleep with married men but you have friends who will. She is capable of wrecking another woman's home but you assume she'd never wreck yours? Don't flatter yourself. You have friends who gossip about other women and run them down in the ground. You assume she'd never talk about you this way because she says, "You're my girl!" But she has proven that she is capable of smiling in some one's face and tearing them down behind their back. It would be foolish to assume she is incapable of doing the same to you.
You need the Holy Spirit as a guide in your life. He is the Spirit of Truth. He wants to help us navigate through this life and connect our lives to people who will build us up, strengthen us and that we can do the same for them. Not all friendships are created equal. Not all relationships are productive and healthy. Don't make the critical mistake of thinking you are capable if judging a person's heart simply from their actions. If someone treats you good but destroys everyone else in their life, who is that person FOR REAL?
You cannot afford to ignore the truth that is screaming at you daily concerning the people you have taken into your life and called friends. The Word says, "Bad company corrupts good character". This is true of young and old. I'm not friends with some people (that's not to say I'm not friendly) because the last thing I need is for someone to assume that I have the same character as the person I have taken into my life.
My friends think like me. They share my values. You can know me by the people I call friends. Jesus was called a friend of sinners but the truth is, He was a friend of those with a pure heart. Ask God to reveal those who are not of a pure heart in your life and to connect your life to those who are. You can't afford to continue with people who do not reflect your values and who will not be faithful in times of adversity.
Ask the Lord to guide you and He will direct your paths.
Thursday, June 07, 2012
So Not Sexy...
It is easy to look at the world and those who are in it with a critical and condescending eye. It is easy to point out where people are missing it, messing up and dropping the ball. What's harder to do is to take that same critical eye and look at yourself.
I'm no superhero, social activist or even famous. However, I realize that even if I'm standing on a soapbox, it's my platform. Oftentimes, we deny the power of influence that we have because of its size rather than acknowledging its effectiveness.
The truth of the matter is that the world in which we live is made up of nearly 7 billion individuals. So how can we speak of the whole without acknowledging its individual parts? You are a part of the whole world.
There are a few things in my life that I am passionate about. Besides writing, I have a passion for families and women. Women carry tremendous responsibilities all over the world. There is a need for more voices to speak to women and provide hope, mentorship and direction.
We walk into shopping malls or any public place and we can hardly believe our eyes. We often see women who are scantily clad or who come outside wearing pajamas and hair bonnets. We shake our heads and think to ourselves, "What in the world are they thinking?!"
How about we be honest for a change.
It wasn't that long ago that I was moved by a strong desire to present myself to the world as "sexy". I wanted men to want me. I wanted them to desire me. Being called pretty wasn't enough. Being considered beautiful wasn't cutting it. I wanted "sexy". I wanted to know I had the power to turn a man on and have him desire me.
That meant my cleavage was showing, my hemline was too short and everything that should have been covered was exposed.
Sexiness used to be so important to me. I wanted to be considered sexy more than I wanted to be respected. You see, many women (not all) do not place the appropriate value on respect. The society in which we live encourages us to expose ourselves and promises to reward this exposure with popularity and acceptance. But what usually happens? The same people who bare it all are rewarded with labels like "tramp", "slut", and "hoe". Talk about being double crossed!
So what do I say to the young woman, 10 to 15 years my junior who has bought into the lie that she's not pretty if she isn't sexy. Or better yet, that no man will desire her if he can't immediately have a sexual attraction to her?
What can I say on my platform, a blog, my little "soap box"?
I will tell her that her self respect is hardly a fair trade for being viewed as sexy by someone. Sure, it may gratify you for a moment, but soon, you will see just how unfair a trade it is. You will see when people whisper behind your back, discounting your intelligence and assuming you are promiscuous. You will see when people assume you are uneducated and unqualified simply because of how you're dressed and not because they've heard your thoughts, opinions and ideas. You will see when a gentleman that you are truly interested in leaves you alone because he assumes you're a girl that can't be trusted and who keeps a lot of men in your life. You will see when you learn that those girls that you hang around and who often encourage you to bare more and more of your skin are calling you names and making fun of you.
It's not a fair trade.
It is wisdom to dress for where you're going, not for where you are. For example, if you were taking trip to the North Pole, it wouldn't make sense to dress in shorts and a tee shirt. Sure, it's 90 degrees where you are now, but where you're going has below zero temperatures.
Likewise, if you want the best out of life, it's important to dress for the place you're going. So many women want to be in loving, committed relationships and marriages. Many women want to succeed in their careers. Others want to one day help in their communities. The question to ask would be, "Am I dressed for where I want to go or for where I am now?"
If your answer is the latter, you may be a little chilly.
It's time to change clothes.
I'm no fashionista. My purses don't coordinate with my shoes all the time. I don't rock the latest trends or even the most eye catching accessories. But with what I have, I am now focused on presenting myself in a way that speaks to where I desire to be, not to where I am. "Sexy" doesn't fit where I'm trying to go anymore.
Every woman, young or old, should have at least one outfit for at least three main scenarios:
1. A job interview
2. Church/Court
3. A black tie affair
So if you've spent all of your money on club clothes, you are subconsciously and soon to be literally barring yourself from gaining access to these three places.
When it's time to go on a job interview, you don't want to look like you have no concept of business attire.
When it's time to go to church or to court, you don't want to appear as if you have no respect for God's house or the Judge's courtroom.
When you are invited to a black tie affair, you don't want to look as if you cannot distinguish between classy and sexy.
You may be reading this and saying to yourself, "Well, I simply don't know how to dress for such occasions. I thought I looked appropriate but often when I'm in these environments, I don't feel like I'm dressed right. What should I do?"
This is where mentorship is important. There are many images online and in real life that women young and old can look to for help. Women who are successful in the business sector dress a certain way. If you can take a famous celebrity who is always on the club scene and imitate her attire, the same effort can be made to imitate the wardrobe of women who are in positions of power.
Again, it's not about being a "prude" or trying to take away one's ability to express themselves. However, when you go into a McDonalds, is the cashier standing in front of you wearing a Burger King uniform?
Nope.
Your appearance qualifies or disqualifies you from entering the environment you wish to be a part of. Sexy has its place in the bedroom and if that's where you're trying to go, by all means, dress that way. However, when you desire for your life to flow in a different direction, you must be willing to ask yourself :
Am I barring my own entrance into the place where I'm trying to be because I refuse to wear its uniform?
I'm no superhero, social activist or even famous. However, I realize that even if I'm standing on a soapbox, it's my platform. Oftentimes, we deny the power of influence that we have because of its size rather than acknowledging its effectiveness.
The truth of the matter is that the world in which we live is made up of nearly 7 billion individuals. So how can we speak of the whole without acknowledging its individual parts? You are a part of the whole world.
There are a few things in my life that I am passionate about. Besides writing, I have a passion for families and women. Women carry tremendous responsibilities all over the world. There is a need for more voices to speak to women and provide hope, mentorship and direction.
We walk into shopping malls or any public place and we can hardly believe our eyes. We often see women who are scantily clad or who come outside wearing pajamas and hair bonnets. We shake our heads and think to ourselves, "What in the world are they thinking?!"
How about we be honest for a change.
It wasn't that long ago that I was moved by a strong desire to present myself to the world as "sexy". I wanted men to want me. I wanted them to desire me. Being called pretty wasn't enough. Being considered beautiful wasn't cutting it. I wanted "sexy". I wanted to know I had the power to turn a man on and have him desire me.
That meant my cleavage was showing, my hemline was too short and everything that should have been covered was exposed.
Sexiness used to be so important to me. I wanted to be considered sexy more than I wanted to be respected. You see, many women (not all) do not place the appropriate value on respect. The society in which we live encourages us to expose ourselves and promises to reward this exposure with popularity and acceptance. But what usually happens? The same people who bare it all are rewarded with labels like "tramp", "slut", and "hoe". Talk about being double crossed!
So what do I say to the young woman, 10 to 15 years my junior who has bought into the lie that she's not pretty if she isn't sexy. Or better yet, that no man will desire her if he can't immediately have a sexual attraction to her?
What can I say on my platform, a blog, my little "soap box"?
I will tell her that her self respect is hardly a fair trade for being viewed as sexy by someone. Sure, it may gratify you for a moment, but soon, you will see just how unfair a trade it is. You will see when people whisper behind your back, discounting your intelligence and assuming you are promiscuous. You will see when people assume you are uneducated and unqualified simply because of how you're dressed and not because they've heard your thoughts, opinions and ideas. You will see when a gentleman that you are truly interested in leaves you alone because he assumes you're a girl that can't be trusted and who keeps a lot of men in your life. You will see when you learn that those girls that you hang around and who often encourage you to bare more and more of your skin are calling you names and making fun of you.
It's not a fair trade.
It is wisdom to dress for where you're going, not for where you are. For example, if you were taking trip to the North Pole, it wouldn't make sense to dress in shorts and a tee shirt. Sure, it's 90 degrees where you are now, but where you're going has below zero temperatures.
Likewise, if you want the best out of life, it's important to dress for the place you're going. So many women want to be in loving, committed relationships and marriages. Many women want to succeed in their careers. Others want to one day help in their communities. The question to ask would be, "Am I dressed for where I want to go or for where I am now?"
If your answer is the latter, you may be a little chilly.
It's time to change clothes.
I'm no fashionista. My purses don't coordinate with my shoes all the time. I don't rock the latest trends or even the most eye catching accessories. But with what I have, I am now focused on presenting myself in a way that speaks to where I desire to be, not to where I am. "Sexy" doesn't fit where I'm trying to go anymore.
Every woman, young or old, should have at least one outfit for at least three main scenarios:
1. A job interview
2. Church/Court
3. A black tie affair
So if you've spent all of your money on club clothes, you are subconsciously and soon to be literally barring yourself from gaining access to these three places.
When it's time to go on a job interview, you don't want to look like you have no concept of business attire.
When it's time to go to church or to court, you don't want to appear as if you have no respect for God's house or the Judge's courtroom.
When you are invited to a black tie affair, you don't want to look as if you cannot distinguish between classy and sexy.
You may be reading this and saying to yourself, "Well, I simply don't know how to dress for such occasions. I thought I looked appropriate but often when I'm in these environments, I don't feel like I'm dressed right. What should I do?"
This is where mentorship is important. There are many images online and in real life that women young and old can look to for help. Women who are successful in the business sector dress a certain way. If you can take a famous celebrity who is always on the club scene and imitate her attire, the same effort can be made to imitate the wardrobe of women who are in positions of power.
Again, it's not about being a "prude" or trying to take away one's ability to express themselves. However, when you go into a McDonalds, is the cashier standing in front of you wearing a Burger King uniform?
Nope.
Your appearance qualifies or disqualifies you from entering the environment you wish to be a part of. Sexy has its place in the bedroom and if that's where you're trying to go, by all means, dress that way. However, when you desire for your life to flow in a different direction, you must be willing to ask yourself :
Am I barring my own entrance into the place where I'm trying to be because I refuse to wear its uniform?
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
It's Not My Job To Be A Parent...
Day by day, I'm learning more and more about this wonderful assignment called parenting. I am nowhere near an expert. However, I don't mind sharing what I know and what I have learned. I think we should exercise caution when criticizing and attempting to "school" parents. Parenting is one of the toughest and greatest responsibilities a person could ever have. Marrying someone is important, but typically, you shouldn't have to raise an adult. And even if the person you marry turns out to be immature, it isn't your responsibility to raise them. Yet it is your responsibility to raise an innocent child you brought into the world. Every one's circumstances differ. Some parents are under way more pressure than others. I have discovered since beginning my blog that whether a mother is single or married, mothers in general face unique challenges and difficulties that are simply specific to motherhood. So as I write this, I am sober in my approach and compassionate in my tone. This is not a reprimand of poor parenting or even an attempt to chastise any mother or father.
It is a sincere desire to share what I know and what I have learned.
Having said that, I want to talk about how important it is for us to use the correct definition of things. Parenting is not a job. Why is that so critical? The reason is because a "job" is an assignment for which you earn a wage. If your expectation is to earn something from all your efforts in parenting, you will be severely disappointed. This disappointment could lead to a host of negative actions such as depression and child abuse. Children can't pay you back for what you do, nor should they be expected to. Spouses, significant others, family and friends can't pay you back for the sacrifices you make for the sake of your children. So if parenting isn't a job, what IS it? Parenting is a duty. Duty is defined as "(of a visit or other undertaking) Done from a sense of moral obligation rather than for pleasure; A moral or legal obligation; a responsibility".
Parents have a moral and legal responsibility to care for their children.
Now that we have a more accurate definition of parenting, what does that have to do with how we engage our children? For starts, parents who operate under a definition of moral and legal obligation and responsibility as opposed to treating their responsibility as a "job" can in turn raise children who live with the same attention to moral and legal obligations in their own lives. Never has a generation felt such a strong sense of entitlement as those that we see today. Never have we seen a generation such as this one that expects everything to come to them without any responsibility. I've been thinking of this notion of allowance for some time now. I'm not totally against children having an allowance if they also have duties for which they do not receive monetary compensation. This is reality and this is how we go about raising productive citizens, both in their secular and religious communities. Some things you do simply because it is RIGHT, not because there's something in it for you. You pick up trash on the ground because it's the right thing to do, not because it's your job. You recycle not because you have to, but because you care about your environment and wish to make it better. You volunteer within your community and church not just to pad your future resume and network, but because you desire to contribute to the world in which you live. It is right to look after the poor and elderly. It is right to mentor youth and volunteer your time in food pantries and soup kitchens. It's ok if no one knows every good deed that you do. It's fine if you're not always acknowledged openly for what you do. Your Heavenly Father sees everything that you do and is standing by with your reward.
Everyday, mothers and fathers face their duties of parenting with strength and resolve. Although Mother's and Father's Day are nationally recognized holidays, one day out of the year hardly compensates for years of self sacrifice and devotion. If there weren't any national holidays, there would still be innocent children in need of responsible and loving parents. God so loved us first, not because we deserved His love or that He stood to reap any benefit from His efforts. He loves us for reasons we have yet to fully understand. As we look to the love of God and how He loves us without expecting anything in return, we must in turn mirror this same love in our relationship to our children and loved ones.
Love is a duty, not a job.
It is a sincere desire to share what I know and what I have learned.
Having said that, I want to talk about how important it is for us to use the correct definition of things. Parenting is not a job. Why is that so critical? The reason is because a "job" is an assignment for which you earn a wage. If your expectation is to earn something from all your efforts in parenting, you will be severely disappointed. This disappointment could lead to a host of negative actions such as depression and child abuse. Children can't pay you back for what you do, nor should they be expected to. Spouses, significant others, family and friends can't pay you back for the sacrifices you make for the sake of your children. So if parenting isn't a job, what IS it? Parenting is a duty. Duty is defined as "(of a visit or other undertaking) Done from a sense of moral obligation rather than for pleasure; A moral or legal obligation; a responsibility".
Parents have a moral and legal responsibility to care for their children.
Now that we have a more accurate definition of parenting, what does that have to do with how we engage our children? For starts, parents who operate under a definition of moral and legal obligation and responsibility as opposed to treating their responsibility as a "job" can in turn raise children who live with the same attention to moral and legal obligations in their own lives. Never has a generation felt such a strong sense of entitlement as those that we see today. Never have we seen a generation such as this one that expects everything to come to them without any responsibility. I've been thinking of this notion of allowance for some time now. I'm not totally against children having an allowance if they also have duties for which they do not receive monetary compensation. This is reality and this is how we go about raising productive citizens, both in their secular and religious communities. Some things you do simply because it is RIGHT, not because there's something in it for you. You pick up trash on the ground because it's the right thing to do, not because it's your job. You recycle not because you have to, but because you care about your environment and wish to make it better. You volunteer within your community and church not just to pad your future resume and network, but because you desire to contribute to the world in which you live. It is right to look after the poor and elderly. It is right to mentor youth and volunteer your time in food pantries and soup kitchens. It's ok if no one knows every good deed that you do. It's fine if you're not always acknowledged openly for what you do. Your Heavenly Father sees everything that you do and is standing by with your reward.
Everyday, mothers and fathers face their duties of parenting with strength and resolve. Although Mother's and Father's Day are nationally recognized holidays, one day out of the year hardly compensates for years of self sacrifice and devotion. If there weren't any national holidays, there would still be innocent children in need of responsible and loving parents. God so loved us first, not because we deserved His love or that He stood to reap any benefit from His efforts. He loves us for reasons we have yet to fully understand. As we look to the love of God and how He loves us without expecting anything in return, we must in turn mirror this same love in our relationship to our children and loved ones.
Love is a duty, not a job.
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