It's just time.
It's past time.
It's long overdue.
It's time to put the past to rest.
Sure, I and even you who may read this post may find some strange sort of relief by rehashing issues from your past and trying to dissect each painful piece of it. There may be some slight relief that one could feel from assigning blame to the correct person, circumstance, and situation.
But wouldn't it be better to just put it ALL to rest?
My sister, whom I happen to think is one of the most amazing souls on the planet, said something quite profound to me. She told me that she told another relative of ours who we've both had issues communicating with in the past these words " All that you need to know and all that really matters is that I love you".
It may seem simple at first, but I challenge you to meditate on that simple statement and let it awaken in you like it did in me.
We spend so much time in counseling, therapy, talking, arguing, fussing, pleading, demanding. We state and restate our positions. We phrase and rephrase our questions. We indite, we accuse, we blame.
But what would happen if we skipped all of that and just said, "Even if you don't understand everything I say or do and vice versa; even if I disappoint you and vice versa. Even if I fall short of your expectations and you, mine. The only thing you really need to know from me, from this point on is that I LOVE YOU".
What would happen to all of our relationships if we made communicating our LOVE, not our right, the main mission?
What would happen if we stopped in the middle of arguments and said to ourselves, "You know? The only thing you really need to understand is not that I need you to pick up your dirty clothes or stop hanging out so much with your boys. The only thing that you ever need to know and be clear about from this point on is that I love you". I wonder how that would revolutionize our relationships.
As I was talking to my sister, we spoke briefly on how parents can be so critical of their children's mistakes, even making them feel ashamed and pushing them away. I asked the question, "Why do parents do this?" When the answer came flooding into my mind, I could scarcely contain it. It is because when a child disappoints a parent, their parent's response to the disappointment is directly tied to how they themselves were treated when they made mistakes. They didn't get a break. They didn't get compassion. They were condemned, shamed, shunned. But what would happen if we gave to others what we so desperately wanted and needed? What would happen if we dropped the chips on our shoulders and just decided that we didn't have to punish everyone for every misery we've ever felt and experienced? What if we gave them the grace, mercy and understanding we wish someone had given to us when we were in a sad state?
So that's why I'm determined to let the past rest in peace.
Sure, I made a whole heap of mistakes back then. I didn't always use my best judgement. I screwed up royally sometimes. But I'm ready to forgive myself and move on. I'm ready to walk into my present and give my children the gift of a compassionate mom who gives them what I didn't receive back then. When they disappoint, stumble and maybe even fall, I want to climb into the hole, the ditch, the mud and the mess and let them know they're worth saving. I didn't have that when I was coming up. I didn't receive that when I needed it.
But guess what? I'm now in a position to give it to someone else.
And isn't that fact alone worth letting the past rest in eternal peace?
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
The Birthday Girl
I remember when my mom turned 40. That seemed like such an old age then. That was back in 1991. I couldn't even imagine then that a day would come when I'd be helping her to celebrate her 60th birthday.
She's seen a lot in those years. Only she could tell you what her eyes have seen. While my mom has shared a lot with me over the years, there's still a part of her that remains intensely private about some things and I respect that about her.
If you had told me back then that in 20 years, my parents would be divorced, I'd be all grown up with two children of my own, and my mom would be moving in with me, I would have stared you down in disbelief. Although life for us was never what I'd consider easy, it was always stable. We just knew it would be "us four and no more".
But isn't that why we don't always know what the future holds? If we knew, we wouldn't have the faith to believe we were strong enough to get through it..
As I gather with my only sister and my children to help mama celebrate her special day, I can't help but be reflective. I can't help but thank God for using her to nurture and protect me. Had it not been for her watchful eye and fiercely protective nature, Lord only knows what would have become of my sister and I. Had it not been for her compassion and tender care, my childhood illnesses would have been so much more difficult to bear. Had she not been the calm in the storm, the trials that we faced as a family would have been so much more difficult to get through.
She made a commitment the day my sister and I were born to be a mother to the end and she's done just that.
The older we both get, our relationship is changing. I have two small children of my own to raise now. I understand now just what it takes to be a mom. If more women knew the cost, they would save their money first. I'm not saying that women shouldn't become mothers. I'm saying they shouldn't do so selfishly. If anything, my mother taught me the selfless side of motherhood.
She did everything a good mother should do but she went a step further. She did something that not too many women nowadays do: she actually LOVED doing it.
I can't tell you how many people I've met in life who take care of families and loved ones and it comes off as being a burden and obligation. But not for my mama. For her, it was and still is her assignment and calling.
I asked mama if in honor of her 60th birthday if I could help her set up her very own facebook page. As far as I know, she has never used a computer outside of the one she uses at her job. She declined. lol!
Mama is my reminder of the way things used to be, when you had to actually open your mouth and talk to people, when people went to the grocery store every other day and when luxuries were appreciated, and not taken for granted. Some of my generation still remember the old Southern tradition of passing out fruit, nuts and candy at Christmas time. But my mama quickly reminds me that for her and her siblings, that was the only Christmas they got and they so looked forward to getting it.
I'm proud to have a piece of living history in my home. My mother attended segregated schools and remembers when this beautiful city I live in was littered with "Whites Only" signs in public places. She remembers when Dr. King and President JFK were assassinated, men I only know about because they were in my history books. Sixty years ago, there was no facebook, twitter or email. My mother caught a bus and flew on an airplane to go check on her sister who lived in Baltimore once. If I want to check on my sister, I can log into Skype, talk with her for free and see her eyes and know for myself if she's ok, all from the comfort of my own home.
I think mama realizes now that although she's lived a good life, there is never anything wrong with embracing change at any age. Sure, change comes a little bit slower for mama than for someone my age, but she's also one of the most open minded people I know. She may not act immediately on what you say, but she always takes it to heart and gives it consideration.
Sixty years ago, my mama was born into a dirt poor family living in a two room house with an outhouse. She proudly told me once, "I was the only child of my mama's 11 children that was born in a hospital". Back during a time when midwives and home remedies were the only guards that stood between life and death, my mama made it into this world and has been beating the odds ever since. Despite having a father who physically abused her mother, she didn't marry a man who physically abused her. Despite not having a high school diploma, she taught her two daughters how to read and write before they entered kindergarten. Despite going through various hardships, she's still standing. Despite her past, she proves to the world daily that it doesn't have to dictate your future. She taught me that your past means nothing when your God is with you.
So today, I salute my mama, Ms. Melvinia Brooks-Lewis. A true woman of God, a pioneer, a brave soul, and most importantly, a loving Mama.
When I read this to her, she'll treat it just like every other gift I've ever given her. She'll hug me, she'll tell me "thank you", and she'll treasure it. Her acceptance of my gifts has made it easy to share my gift of writing with the rest of the world. She's the first person who let me know that my voice mattered.
I can't help but pass the gift of significance along to you too.
She's seen a lot in those years. Only she could tell you what her eyes have seen. While my mom has shared a lot with me over the years, there's still a part of her that remains intensely private about some things and I respect that about her.
If you had told me back then that in 20 years, my parents would be divorced, I'd be all grown up with two children of my own, and my mom would be moving in with me, I would have stared you down in disbelief. Although life for us was never what I'd consider easy, it was always stable. We just knew it would be "us four and no more".
But isn't that why we don't always know what the future holds? If we knew, we wouldn't have the faith to believe we were strong enough to get through it..
As I gather with my only sister and my children to help mama celebrate her special day, I can't help but be reflective. I can't help but thank God for using her to nurture and protect me. Had it not been for her watchful eye and fiercely protective nature, Lord only knows what would have become of my sister and I. Had it not been for her compassion and tender care, my childhood illnesses would have been so much more difficult to bear. Had she not been the calm in the storm, the trials that we faced as a family would have been so much more difficult to get through.
She made a commitment the day my sister and I were born to be a mother to the end and she's done just that.
The older we both get, our relationship is changing. I have two small children of my own to raise now. I understand now just what it takes to be a mom. If more women knew the cost, they would save their money first. I'm not saying that women shouldn't become mothers. I'm saying they shouldn't do so selfishly. If anything, my mother taught me the selfless side of motherhood.
She did everything a good mother should do but she went a step further. She did something that not too many women nowadays do: she actually LOVED doing it.
I can't tell you how many people I've met in life who take care of families and loved ones and it comes off as being a burden and obligation. But not for my mama. For her, it was and still is her assignment and calling.
I asked mama if in honor of her 60th birthday if I could help her set up her very own facebook page. As far as I know, she has never used a computer outside of the one she uses at her job. She declined. lol!
Mama is my reminder of the way things used to be, when you had to actually open your mouth and talk to people, when people went to the grocery store every other day and when luxuries were appreciated, and not taken for granted. Some of my generation still remember the old Southern tradition of passing out fruit, nuts and candy at Christmas time. But my mama quickly reminds me that for her and her siblings, that was the only Christmas they got and they so looked forward to getting it.
I'm proud to have a piece of living history in my home. My mother attended segregated schools and remembers when this beautiful city I live in was littered with "Whites Only" signs in public places. She remembers when Dr. King and President JFK were assassinated, men I only know about because they were in my history books. Sixty years ago, there was no facebook, twitter or email. My mother caught a bus and flew on an airplane to go check on her sister who lived in Baltimore once. If I want to check on my sister, I can log into Skype, talk with her for free and see her eyes and know for myself if she's ok, all from the comfort of my own home.
I think mama realizes now that although she's lived a good life, there is never anything wrong with embracing change at any age. Sure, change comes a little bit slower for mama than for someone my age, but she's also one of the most open minded people I know. She may not act immediately on what you say, but she always takes it to heart and gives it consideration.
Sixty years ago, my mama was born into a dirt poor family living in a two room house with an outhouse. She proudly told me once, "I was the only child of my mama's 11 children that was born in a hospital". Back during a time when midwives and home remedies were the only guards that stood between life and death, my mama made it into this world and has been beating the odds ever since. Despite having a father who physically abused her mother, she didn't marry a man who physically abused her. Despite not having a high school diploma, she taught her two daughters how to read and write before they entered kindergarten. Despite going through various hardships, she's still standing. Despite her past, she proves to the world daily that it doesn't have to dictate your future. She taught me that your past means nothing when your God is with you.
So today, I salute my mama, Ms. Melvinia Brooks-Lewis. A true woman of God, a pioneer, a brave soul, and most importantly, a loving Mama.
When I read this to her, she'll treat it just like every other gift I've ever given her. She'll hug me, she'll tell me "thank you", and she'll treasure it. Her acceptance of my gifts has made it easy to share my gift of writing with the rest of the world. She's the first person who let me know that my voice mattered.
I can't help but pass the gift of significance along to you too.
Monday, October 24, 2011
I Like You...And I Won't Call You Back.
I am constantly thinking. One of the many thoughts that travel through my mind on a daily is basis is somehow making sense of this tricky situation that is male and female relationships. Why does it have to be so complicated?!
Well, I'm not saying that I have men all figured out, but I can say that I do believe I stumbled across some helpful insights that I don't mind sharing.
As I reviewed my past patterns in love, they all shared a similar quality: total complete media blitz on my part.
Let me explain...
It's true that when you're in love or even at a strong like stage in a relationship, the immediate urge is to talk to that person constantly, whether it is by phone, email, text, or rented blimp. Who doesn't like the high of being in love? Who doesn't just love it when his ringtone starts blaring in the middle of a conversation with your single and frustrated girlfriends?! We LIVE for such moments. Well, I know I did!
As far as I was concerned, I did all the right things. I was available. I sent loving text messages and occasionally, the racy email to help my beloved make it through his day with passionate thoughts of me. When he called, I cooed in his ear about how I just couldn't wait to see him again and if there was any way possible to sneak a moment alone with him, we should both try to make it happen. I put on quite a show and made an excellent case in defense of my good girlfriend trial.
So why wasn't it enough?
Why did it seem as if he liked me more when I treated him worse?
Why did most of the men I ever dated in my life appear to be more enamored with me when I was less-than-happy to be around them?
I've heard many explanations as to why some men seem to be more attracted to mean girls. Some have gone so far as to say that men like to hunt and chase so a woman that gives them some work to do is obviously their first pick over the woman who lays herself in his trap.
But I think it goes even a little deeper than that.
Truth is, some of us have made it well past the fun and games, dating stage and have been involved with some men for several months or even years. Why isn't it working out for us? What are we doing wrong?
I wouldn't necessarily call it "wrong", but here's something to consider.
The wise older women often tell us youngins "Don't make a man your everything". Slowly but surely, we're starting to get it. But this isn't a anthem of independence from men that they were encouraging. No, not at all. Instead, it was an anthem for showing a man you truly understand what it means to be a mate. Think of it this way...
First thing a lot of women tend to do when they enter into a committed relationship is drop friends, family, goals, hobbies and everything else that consumes time like hot rocks. Rarely do men do this initially. He's often pressured into doing so by overly zealous girlfriends who have a whole lot of chips in on this relationship and aren't about to watch a man not put in a fair wager. When a man thinks of a woman, he doesn't think of her as his life, but merely an important part of it. That is in no way an insult and the sooner we learn that as women, the better. What in fact is the insult is leaving the world your man found you in all behind and telling him that he must now shoulder the load of building a world for you.
That is indeed selfish.
I know many of us were taught all our lives that we were supposed to drop everything that ever mattered to us for the sake of a man but I'm here to tell ya, "SOMEBODY LIED"!! The first thing we do after a breakup is try to find the life we dropped somewhere in the distance. We do our best to patch things up with friends and relatives we blew off and dismissed. Some relationships are resilient enough to bounce back, and others, unfortunately, were sacrificed for the sake of the failed relationship.
Am I telling us women not to love our men hard and love them passionately? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that we need to change the dialogue in our head and recognize that leaving yourself behind and then expecting someone you love to redefine you is unfair and eventually, may cause them to walk away.
The first thing I want to do when my relationship is fresh and new or riding a passionately loving high is call and text him constantly.
No more.
He doesn't suffer from short term memory loss. If there's nothing medically wrong with him, he's not going to forget you exist between visits. It's not necessary to make your presence known in every aspect of his day. As a matter of fact, why not show him that you are confident in yourself and happy with your own life by living it? Yes, I said LIVE. Why did you stop going out for drinks with your girls? Why don't you talk to your best friend anymore? Sure, relationships take time to grow and be nurtured but a man should be able to see the life you were living BEFORE he arrived. Stop making so many drastic changes for the sake of a relationship. It's the equivalent of renting a UHaul, packing up and moving your entire house just because someone said they wanted to be with you. Makes no sense, right? So why pack up the people, places and things that you love just because someone said they'd like to be with you? It is possible to love someone without losing everything that makes you YOU. It is possible to love generously without shortchanging everyone else in your life who matters to you.
If families could be honest with you, some would tell you straight up that they HATE when you find a man because you kick them to the curb and they barely recognize who you are because of how you change everything about your life for that man.
Change can be good but there's no reason to change the things in your life that have helped hold you together.
Next time you feel the urge to send ten back to back sweet nothing texts to your boo in the middle of his work day or keep him up til 2 am when you know you both have an early start, put the phone down and turn out the light.
Trust that love doesn't need you to be its PR person. It's strong enough to last even when you're not talking, texting or seeing him.
Get some rest. Live your life. Stop making him your everything. The message you're sending isn't that you love him. What you're actually telling him is that you believe that you contain everything he could ever need to be happy and likewise, he must be the same for you.
I like the fellowship and joy of hanging with my girlfriends, my family and my hobbies. No longer do I expect a man to replace those things.
We should both embrace those things within each other.
Well, I'm not saying that I have men all figured out, but I can say that I do believe I stumbled across some helpful insights that I don't mind sharing.
As I reviewed my past patterns in love, they all shared a similar quality: total complete media blitz on my part.
Let me explain...
It's true that when you're in love or even at a strong like stage in a relationship, the immediate urge is to talk to that person constantly, whether it is by phone, email, text, or rented blimp. Who doesn't like the high of being in love? Who doesn't just love it when his ringtone starts blaring in the middle of a conversation with your single and frustrated girlfriends?! We LIVE for such moments. Well, I know I did!
As far as I was concerned, I did all the right things. I was available. I sent loving text messages and occasionally, the racy email to help my beloved make it through his day with passionate thoughts of me. When he called, I cooed in his ear about how I just couldn't wait to see him again and if there was any way possible to sneak a moment alone with him, we should both try to make it happen. I put on quite a show and made an excellent case in defense of my good girlfriend trial.
So why wasn't it enough?
Why did it seem as if he liked me more when I treated him worse?
Why did most of the men I ever dated in my life appear to be more enamored with me when I was less-than-happy to be around them?
I've heard many explanations as to why some men seem to be more attracted to mean girls. Some have gone so far as to say that men like to hunt and chase so a woman that gives them some work to do is obviously their first pick over the woman who lays herself in his trap.
But I think it goes even a little deeper than that.
Truth is, some of us have made it well past the fun and games, dating stage and have been involved with some men for several months or even years. Why isn't it working out for us? What are we doing wrong?
I wouldn't necessarily call it "wrong", but here's something to consider.
The wise older women often tell us youngins "Don't make a man your everything". Slowly but surely, we're starting to get it. But this isn't a anthem of independence from men that they were encouraging. No, not at all. Instead, it was an anthem for showing a man you truly understand what it means to be a mate. Think of it this way...
First thing a lot of women tend to do when they enter into a committed relationship is drop friends, family, goals, hobbies and everything else that consumes time like hot rocks. Rarely do men do this initially. He's often pressured into doing so by overly zealous girlfriends who have a whole lot of chips in on this relationship and aren't about to watch a man not put in a fair wager. When a man thinks of a woman, he doesn't think of her as his life, but merely an important part of it. That is in no way an insult and the sooner we learn that as women, the better. What in fact is the insult is leaving the world your man found you in all behind and telling him that he must now shoulder the load of building a world for you.
That is indeed selfish.
I know many of us were taught all our lives that we were supposed to drop everything that ever mattered to us for the sake of a man but I'm here to tell ya, "SOMEBODY LIED"!! The first thing we do after a breakup is try to find the life we dropped somewhere in the distance. We do our best to patch things up with friends and relatives we blew off and dismissed. Some relationships are resilient enough to bounce back, and others, unfortunately, were sacrificed for the sake of the failed relationship.
Am I telling us women not to love our men hard and love them passionately? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that we need to change the dialogue in our head and recognize that leaving yourself behind and then expecting someone you love to redefine you is unfair and eventually, may cause them to walk away.
The first thing I want to do when my relationship is fresh and new or riding a passionately loving high is call and text him constantly.
No more.
He doesn't suffer from short term memory loss. If there's nothing medically wrong with him, he's not going to forget you exist between visits. It's not necessary to make your presence known in every aspect of his day. As a matter of fact, why not show him that you are confident in yourself and happy with your own life by living it? Yes, I said LIVE. Why did you stop going out for drinks with your girls? Why don't you talk to your best friend anymore? Sure, relationships take time to grow and be nurtured but a man should be able to see the life you were living BEFORE he arrived. Stop making so many drastic changes for the sake of a relationship. It's the equivalent of renting a UHaul, packing up and moving your entire house just because someone said they wanted to be with you. Makes no sense, right? So why pack up the people, places and things that you love just because someone said they'd like to be with you? It is possible to love someone without losing everything that makes you YOU. It is possible to love generously without shortchanging everyone else in your life who matters to you.
If families could be honest with you, some would tell you straight up that they HATE when you find a man because you kick them to the curb and they barely recognize who you are because of how you change everything about your life for that man.
Change can be good but there's no reason to change the things in your life that have helped hold you together.
Next time you feel the urge to send ten back to back sweet nothing texts to your boo in the middle of his work day or keep him up til 2 am when you know you both have an early start, put the phone down and turn out the light.
Trust that love doesn't need you to be its PR person. It's strong enough to last even when you're not talking, texting or seeing him.
Get some rest. Live your life. Stop making him your everything. The message you're sending isn't that you love him. What you're actually telling him is that you believe that you contain everything he could ever need to be happy and likewise, he must be the same for you.
I like the fellowship and joy of hanging with my girlfriends, my family and my hobbies. No longer do I expect a man to replace those things.
We should both embrace those things within each other.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Social Media Mommy
I recorded my first youtube video last night! I'm super excited about this new adventure I'm taking into recording myself and posting my videos to youtube. While I thuroughly enjoy blogging and writing in general, I realize that there are many among us who need a face to face, voice to voice connection.
While I consider myself "low tech" when it comes to the latest gadgets and operating systems, I am no stranger to the new age of social media. Before there was a facebook or a twitter, there were chat rooms and I immediately took a liking to the phenomenon of being able to hold full fledged conversations with people via the Internet.
Needless to say I have enjoyed several relationships throughout the years with people from all walks of life that all began online and yes, I've even dated a man or two who I met on the Internet. My Internet dating days are essentially over but my love of social media and how far it's come since the olden days of instant messengers and chatrooms is still going strong.
One reason I love social media so much is that I am able to connect with some of the most amazing human beings God ever made with ease. Sometimes I wonder what the saints of the bible would have done had they been able to communicate as easily as we do. I literally have friends all over the world now! Had you told me 10 years ago that some of the closest and dearest people to my heart would live in South Africa, I would have looked at you funny. But that is the joy of social media.
But not only does it allow people to connect internationally, let's not forget the bridges that are built nationally and regionally. I have many dear friends whom I have never met in person but we've been in each others' lives going on 6 years because of social media. I've been able to connect with new moms, seasoned moms and grandmoms all through social media.
I know there are some folks who are still leery of the Internet and social sites. I will say that parents should closely monitor their children and teens Internet usage without a doubt. It is possible to form deep, emotional connections with people you've never met and if done with the wrong people, this can be harmful. Personally, I don't think children under the age of 15 have any business on social sites but that's just my personal opinion. Social media is time consuming. There is a such thing as cyber bullying and all manner of foolishness that can harm and distract children. At this age, children should be happy, healthy and focused on their school work. With that said, my children will NOT have facebook or twitter accounts until they are much, much older. While I don't plan on being an overly strict parent, I certainly intend to be an involved and fully engaged one. It's my job to watch the gate and that's what I'm going to do.So no, my children will not be on the Internet for more than research purposes.
A great benefit of social media to mothers is the ability to share information, wisdom and advice with other moms from all over the world. I've picked up new recipes, learned how to soothe a baby, remove a stain and all sorts of goodies just from social media and the Internet. It is my belief that women were created by God to be an answer in this Earth so it stands to reason that within each of us lies pearls of wisdom that can bless so many lives. I learned how to braid my daughter's hair after YEARS of not knowing how to cornrow just by watching another mom on youtube braid her daughter's hair. How cool is that?! YEARS people. I went YEARS not knowing how to do it because for years, there was no one around me who could take the time to show me how it's done. But thanks to youtube, I could start, stop, and rewind her tutorials until I figured out what I needed to do. I'm still perfecting my braiding technique but baby girl is presentable! lol!
I've even been blessed to counsel and be counseled via social media. Who doesn't have questions or deal with issues that seem way over their heads? I can't tell you how many times someone had encouraged me or given me a key piece of advice that helped me to advance to the next level. My spiritual father lives thousands of miles away but with just one click of my mouse, I can connect with him via facebook chat and receive encouragement and insight into God's Word. Amazing!
If your church hasn't established its mark in social media, they are woefully behind! I know there are those who say, "well, I prefer face to face contact and I don't get into all that Internet stuff". I enjoy face to face communication also. However, the world we live in is changing. The majority of young people in just my nation of the United States alone have a social media presence. I don't understand how children can have facebook pages but parents don't even know how to log onto a computer. REALLY?! Not only that, but we want our churches and ministries to grow but we don't have any social media presence whatsoever. I can't tell you how many churches I've decided not to go to simply because they didn't stream their services live via Ustream or Streaming Faith or they didn't have a website, facebook or twitter page. To me it showed a contempt and lack of respect for the people they desired to reach out to . How can you say you desire to connect with the community when you're waiting for people to get in their cars and find your building? People who don't own cars have Internet access! People who can't get a ride to church can log on and view your services. People who live in California can sow a seed into your ministry online via PayPal and other online transaction services. It's not about packing pews anymore. It's about reaching the WORLD! People who you can't see and may never see in person can connect to your life and ministry via the internet if you're wise enough to tap into the field of harvest.
So yea, I'm a social media mommy. I find that being connected in this way gives me such a vast resource of information and also helps me to connect with people who I'd otherwise never get to see due to our geographical locations. My life is the better for having all of these connections and voices of insight in it and I'm taking my life to the next level!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Day 3...
I've come full circle. Last year, Leslie Sansone and I began a daily work out routine that did me some good. I didn't lose a drastic amount of pounds or inches but it did improve my overall health. I knew then that I was getting stronger because the one mile work out wasn't kicking my tail as severely as when I first started. I even moved on to the 2 mile work out and completed it with success. I lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 lbs last year. I've managed to keep most of it off but about 10-15lbs have snuck up on me...well...more like landed on my stomach, hips and thighs. lol!
So today is day three of my morning workout.
How am I feeling?
Honestly, I didn't think I'd get through the work out today. Just based on how I felt when I climbed out of bed, I wasn't interested, you hear me! Stuff was hurting and aching that hadn't bothered me before and I didn't want to do it. But I pushed through it. I decided that if I really wanted to shake these 10-15 lbs, I HAD to move.
No way around it.
I will say that I'm not as severely out of shape as I thought I would be. I was heavier when I first did Leslie's one mile walk a year ago and let me tell ya, I can tell the difference! I didn't make it through the entire work out the first time I watched it a year ago. This time, I made it through the whole work out, no breaks, pauses, or rolls to the floor. lol! It's good to know that constant house cleaning and running behind young children does in fact constitute a form of exercise.
I'm not extremely hung up on my weight as far as a number goes. I'm weird in that I wouldn't mind hips and thighs of thunder if my waist was tiny. Can I PLEASE just get rid of this baby belly once and for all?! But of course, weight loss is a package deal. We can't pick and choose which parts to modify.
Basically, I just want to look good in my clothes, feel great in my stilettos and keep my health in check. It's not about losing a ton of weight anymore. I just want to be healthy and look good to myself. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and not liking my waist so I'm doing something about it besides buying a more sturdy girdle.
I doubt I'll be posting any weight loss pics per se because that isn't my goal. If anything, I'll post pictures of my experiments with my look. I've changed my hair up. It's getting cold outside so I'm rocking the longer hair. I'm 90% natural underneath my extensions which is wonderful because it's giving me a chance to really take care of my natural hair and grow out my relaxer. My goal is to have 100% natural hair underneath any look that I wear. I'm sincerely tired of chemical burns and I absolutely adore natural hair. Weave, wigs, and etc allow me to experiment with a variety of different looks. I know some men (and women for that matter) take issue with "fake" hair but it's no issue to me. I think a woman has the right to look and feel beautiful. It's not a permanent thing. I can take the hair off anytime I want and I've even worn natural looking extensions. It's all about feeling good when you step out. It's funny but most women, when we KNOW we look good, we check ourselves out in the mirror and turn our lips up, as if to say, "Girl, you BAD!":. LOL! I love it!
Whatever you're rocking, whether it's weaves, extensions, braids, locks, natural kinks, curls, wigs or bald, feel good with your look. If you absolutely adore animal print, rock it. I don't even mind if you pick up a signature color. I've seriously been considering doing so. I LOVE charcoal gray and black together. Lisa Rae is a prime example of a woman who has found her signature color and rocks it HARD. Why not? Sure, it's the same color but she also looks good EVERY TIME she's in it! lol! So yea, haters can hate, but can they really justify hating on you for looking good repeatedly? Kinda makes no sense.
When you find a color that compliments you, stock up on it! Don't be afraid to buy it in multiple styles, fabrics and cuts. You'll feel great every time you wear it. And isn't that what matters most?
You have my permission to feel good and rock what makes you feel good! Stop walking around in clothes you can't stand, hair you don't like and makeup that you're not happy with. Sit your happy self down in front of youtube, watch a tutorial and LEARN! I've been watching tutorials for eye shadow and boy, the change has been amazing! I feel so much better about my look and the more I learn how to properly apply it, the better it'll be.
Remove everything from your space that brings you no comfort or joy. I don't care if it's a flat pillow on your bed that you haven't had the heart to throw out. CHUNK IT! Keep nothing around you that doesn't give you a daily does of happiness and satisfaction. Eat food that tastes good. Drink drinks that taste good. Wear perfume that smells good. Wear clothes that look good on you. Wear hairstyles that suit you.
A little change can do a lot of good!
So today is day three of my morning workout.
How am I feeling?
Honestly, I didn't think I'd get through the work out today. Just based on how I felt when I climbed out of bed, I wasn't interested, you hear me! Stuff was hurting and aching that hadn't bothered me before and I didn't want to do it. But I pushed through it. I decided that if I really wanted to shake these 10-15 lbs, I HAD to move.
No way around it.
I will say that I'm not as severely out of shape as I thought I would be. I was heavier when I first did Leslie's one mile walk a year ago and let me tell ya, I can tell the difference! I didn't make it through the entire work out the first time I watched it a year ago. This time, I made it through the whole work out, no breaks, pauses, or rolls to the floor. lol! It's good to know that constant house cleaning and running behind young children does in fact constitute a form of exercise.
I'm not extremely hung up on my weight as far as a number goes. I'm weird in that I wouldn't mind hips and thighs of thunder if my waist was tiny. Can I PLEASE just get rid of this baby belly once and for all?! But of course, weight loss is a package deal. We can't pick and choose which parts to modify.
Basically, I just want to look good in my clothes, feel great in my stilettos and keep my health in check. It's not about losing a ton of weight anymore. I just want to be healthy and look good to myself. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and not liking my waist so I'm doing something about it besides buying a more sturdy girdle.
I doubt I'll be posting any weight loss pics per se because that isn't my goal. If anything, I'll post pictures of my experiments with my look. I've changed my hair up. It's getting cold outside so I'm rocking the longer hair. I'm 90% natural underneath my extensions which is wonderful because it's giving me a chance to really take care of my natural hair and grow out my relaxer. My goal is to have 100% natural hair underneath any look that I wear. I'm sincerely tired of chemical burns and I absolutely adore natural hair. Weave, wigs, and etc allow me to experiment with a variety of different looks. I know some men (and women for that matter) take issue with "fake" hair but it's no issue to me. I think a woman has the right to look and feel beautiful. It's not a permanent thing. I can take the hair off anytime I want and I've even worn natural looking extensions. It's all about feeling good when you step out. It's funny but most women, when we KNOW we look good, we check ourselves out in the mirror and turn our lips up, as if to say, "Girl, you BAD!":. LOL! I love it!
Whatever you're rocking, whether it's weaves, extensions, braids, locks, natural kinks, curls, wigs or bald, feel good with your look. If you absolutely adore animal print, rock it. I don't even mind if you pick up a signature color. I've seriously been considering doing so. I LOVE charcoal gray and black together. Lisa Rae is a prime example of a woman who has found her signature color and rocks it HARD. Why not? Sure, it's the same color but she also looks good EVERY TIME she's in it! lol! So yea, haters can hate, but can they really justify hating on you for looking good repeatedly? Kinda makes no sense.
When you find a color that compliments you, stock up on it! Don't be afraid to buy it in multiple styles, fabrics and cuts. You'll feel great every time you wear it. And isn't that what matters most?
You have my permission to feel good and rock what makes you feel good! Stop walking around in clothes you can't stand, hair you don't like and makeup that you're not happy with. Sit your happy self down in front of youtube, watch a tutorial and LEARN! I've been watching tutorials for eye shadow and boy, the change has been amazing! I feel so much better about my look and the more I learn how to properly apply it, the better it'll be.
Remove everything from your space that brings you no comfort or joy. I don't care if it's a flat pillow on your bed that you haven't had the heart to throw out. CHUNK IT! Keep nothing around you that doesn't give you a daily does of happiness and satisfaction. Eat food that tastes good. Drink drinks that taste good. Wear perfume that smells good. Wear clothes that look good on you. Wear hairstyles that suit you.
A little change can do a lot of good!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Who, Me?
Just a thought...
Sometimes it's just good to treat yourself good. Do something nice for yourself. Pat yourself on the back. Pay yourself a compliment. Feel pretty. Look cute! I don't know if it's because my baby girl is about to turn 4 years old next month or because I'm just plain tired, but I'm turning my look around. I'm wearing makeup now (wowza), styling my hair, putting my outfits together more thoughtfully...exercising.
The encouragement I've received even with baby steps to improve ME have been amazing. Thanks to my dear friends who believe in me, encourage me and keep me motivated. I can't say I'm feeling like my old self because that's not true. I'm feeling different than the old me. This me is more mature, confident and happy.
When I look in the mirror, I like what I see.
That feels really good.
I let some things go for the sake of motherhood, partially because I thought that's what I had to do. God forbid I put myself on the list for anything. But the older my children get, the more I realize it takes nothing away from their care for me to include myself in the TLC. It doesn't have to be expensive or even major. Sometimes it's just as simple as enjoying a guilt free dark chocolate or indulging in your favorite fragrance. Whatever it is, I encourage you to take care of yourself. Love you. Why?
Because God Himself thinks an awful lot of you.
Sometimes it's just good to treat yourself good. Do something nice for yourself. Pat yourself on the back. Pay yourself a compliment. Feel pretty. Look cute! I don't know if it's because my baby girl is about to turn 4 years old next month or because I'm just plain tired, but I'm turning my look around. I'm wearing makeup now (wowza), styling my hair, putting my outfits together more thoughtfully...exercising.
The encouragement I've received even with baby steps to improve ME have been amazing. Thanks to my dear friends who believe in me, encourage me and keep me motivated. I can't say I'm feeling like my old self because that's not true. I'm feeling different than the old me. This me is more mature, confident and happy.
When I look in the mirror, I like what I see.
That feels really good.
I let some things go for the sake of motherhood, partially because I thought that's what I had to do. God forbid I put myself on the list for anything. But the older my children get, the more I realize it takes nothing away from their care for me to include myself in the TLC. It doesn't have to be expensive or even major. Sometimes it's just as simple as enjoying a guilt free dark chocolate or indulging in your favorite fragrance. Whatever it is, I encourage you to take care of yourself. Love you. Why?
Because God Himself thinks an awful lot of you.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
I Don't Want To Die!
Usually you hear this phrase yelled out in a moment of desperation; a character in a movie decides that although death was once their first choice, living is now a must. "I don't want to die, I want to live!"
Which got me to thinking...
What if I began living my life with this same type of desperate declaration?
We place more emphasis on dying than we realize. As a matter of fact, death is a part of our daily routine: life insurance, living wills, power of attorney, retirement funds, etc. We're all preparing to die and we're doing our best to prepare well. We work late, stay up late, save, scrape, and budget in dying as best we can.
But what if we made a decision to LIVE?
What if we started embracing the "abundant life" that Jesus spoke of, purchased with His own blood and promised to freely give to us? What would happen if we have a revolution of life?
What would our lives look like if we started planning to live more than to die? What would we do if we woke up one day, like Hezekiah with time added to the clock? How would we live if we took death off the table of options? What would change?
I know it's a lot to think about. Most of us have never thought about it. I didn't think of it much until recently. But the only difference I see in people who live what I would consider fulfilled and purposeful lives and those who don't is that the former placed more emphasis on living than dying.
Now, does that mean we shirk our responsibilities and stop taking care of those things given over to our care? Absolutely not. But what would happen if we took the emphasis off death and put it back on life? Time and time again in the Gospels, Jesus spoke of "life" and "light". Believe it or not, so many believers have lost their will to live. They don't have the Light of Jesus shining in the hearts and illuminating the darkness of their circumstances. They love Him wholeheartedly but have somehow been unable to fully embrace this life and light of which He spoke. How can we change this?
It starts with a choice.
I choose life!
When I pray, I speak life and health to my body. I command sickness and disease to depart. I expect to recover from any cold or ailment that comes my way. Why? The Word says with His stripes, we are healed! I'm placing the emphasize on life and not death in my life. I shall live and not die to declare the works of the Lord. The dead physically and spiritually can't praise God and declare His works to the nations. So that's why I want to embrace life. I want His glory to be revealed in me. I don't want to wake up everyday planning on how to die a better death. I want to live a better life!
That means this extra 50 lbs I've been lugging around has to go.
That means I'm going to eat like someone who has a purpose and a destiny.
That means my thoughts and meditations will be on things that are pure and lovely.
That means my relationships will reflect my commitment to embracing the abundant life supplied to me through Jesus Christ.
Change is good and I fully embrace it.
I don't want to die.
I want to live abundantly in Christ Jesus!
Which got me to thinking...
What if I began living my life with this same type of desperate declaration?
We place more emphasis on dying than we realize. As a matter of fact, death is a part of our daily routine: life insurance, living wills, power of attorney, retirement funds, etc. We're all preparing to die and we're doing our best to prepare well. We work late, stay up late, save, scrape, and budget in dying as best we can.
But what if we made a decision to LIVE?
What if we started embracing the "abundant life" that Jesus spoke of, purchased with His own blood and promised to freely give to us? What would happen if we have a revolution of life?
What would our lives look like if we started planning to live more than to die? What would we do if we woke up one day, like Hezekiah with time added to the clock? How would we live if we took death off the table of options? What would change?
I know it's a lot to think about. Most of us have never thought about it. I didn't think of it much until recently. But the only difference I see in people who live what I would consider fulfilled and purposeful lives and those who don't is that the former placed more emphasis on living than dying.
Now, does that mean we shirk our responsibilities and stop taking care of those things given over to our care? Absolutely not. But what would happen if we took the emphasis off death and put it back on life? Time and time again in the Gospels, Jesus spoke of "life" and "light". Believe it or not, so many believers have lost their will to live. They don't have the Light of Jesus shining in the hearts and illuminating the darkness of their circumstances. They love Him wholeheartedly but have somehow been unable to fully embrace this life and light of which He spoke. How can we change this?
It starts with a choice.
I choose life!
When I pray, I speak life and health to my body. I command sickness and disease to depart. I expect to recover from any cold or ailment that comes my way. Why? The Word says with His stripes, we are healed! I'm placing the emphasize on life and not death in my life. I shall live and not die to declare the works of the Lord. The dead physically and spiritually can't praise God and declare His works to the nations. So that's why I want to embrace life. I want His glory to be revealed in me. I don't want to wake up everyday planning on how to die a better death. I want to live a better life!
That means this extra 50 lbs I've been lugging around has to go.
That means I'm going to eat like someone who has a purpose and a destiny.
That means my thoughts and meditations will be on things that are pure and lovely.
That means my relationships will reflect my commitment to embracing the abundant life supplied to me through Jesus Christ.
Change is good and I fully embrace it.
I don't want to die.
I want to live abundantly in Christ Jesus!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
What's Shakin?
Hello everyone! Sorry I've been away from the blog for a few days. There's really no excuse for it besides the fact that every now and then, I get in what my mom calls "one of those funky moods". Sometimes I just don't like putting everything that's in my head and on my heart in writing. Kinda weird, I know but it's the side of me that I find quite interesting. I am a talker and yes, I have a lot to say. But the truth of the matter is that I can talk for hours and not say what I should or actually wish that I could. It's wild, I know but it's a part of my unique personality.
So what's been going on? Well, yesterday, Matt had his first Parent/Teacher conference. It went well. His dad was a champ and showed up as well. I got to see the work he's been doing in class as well as his drawings that are hanging in the hallway. He admittedly had a bit of a rough start but I think he's starting to find his groove and before the year is up, I anticipate seeing even more improvements. As a matter of fact, I already am. His handwriting is getting better and he's getting a little more comfortable using scissors. I really wish that schools didn't make such a big, hairy deal out of cutting with scissors. Why on earth is this a basis of a child's development?! Heck, I can't even cut straight and I'm 33 years old! Anyway, neither here nor there. Shout to to my lovely teacher friends who may be reading. I know you all are just doing your jobs and must teach what the state has outlined. Just a mommy venting here. Scissors suck. LOL!
This past weekend, I had to put my foot down with Marc. As most already know, we ended our committed relationship over a year ago with one small attempt to reconcile in between. But it never worked out for us and that's something that I find unfortunate. It would be nice if we could work things out but there's a lot of changes that need to take place before that can be a reality and only one of us seems to be willing to make those changes. Last time I checked, you can't be in love by yourself. Just this past weekend, after some serious flirting and propositioning on his part, I asked, "So, do you want to get back together?" His reply was, "I don't know". HAHA! What do you mean you don't know?! Seriously buddy?! Five years and two kids later, you don't know?! At first I retorted, "I don't know is not an answer", and then I corrected myself by saying, "Actually, it is. Ok. Got it".
I don't know is an answer. It's a nice way of saying, "I don't want you". It's frustrating when you're in love with someone who's long since fallen out of love with you and even more difficult when that person arbitrarily decides to interrupt months of no physical contact with the invitation to "get it on".
But I'm 33 years old. That means I'm too old for this sort of nonsense. By this age, we're supposed to be able to read between the lines, get the bigger picture and make the hard decisions. So, I basically told him, "You want one thing and I want another. Let's stop the flirting and just raise our kids, ok?" And that was it. It broke my heart a bit because I knew the little attention he was showing me would immediately end. My heart was heavy. I questioned within myself, "Lord, how long until I can have a real love of my own?" I'm not saying he answered by thunder and lightning but I have been realizing that what I can have is directly tied to what I believe that I deserve. If I believe that I can have a better relationship with someone else, then that's what I will eventually have. Sure, it will take time but time is on my side. I'm in no rush. A good man and a solid relationship is worth the wait. I've already invested a good 13-14 years of my life into two failed relationships. Nothing wrong with waiting a year or two for a healthy relationship to come my way.
So yes, I'm open to something new. Will it be easy? It will have its challenges. Will the children take kindly to mama dating? We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. But we all deserve love, joy, peace, and a stable home. We deserve to be respected and loved and appreciated. I deserve it
I want it.
I believe that I receive.
So what's been going on? Well, yesterday, Matt had his first Parent/Teacher conference. It went well. His dad was a champ and showed up as well. I got to see the work he's been doing in class as well as his drawings that are hanging in the hallway. He admittedly had a bit of a rough start but I think he's starting to find his groove and before the year is up, I anticipate seeing even more improvements. As a matter of fact, I already am. His handwriting is getting better and he's getting a little more comfortable using scissors. I really wish that schools didn't make such a big, hairy deal out of cutting with scissors. Why on earth is this a basis of a child's development?! Heck, I can't even cut straight and I'm 33 years old! Anyway, neither here nor there. Shout to to my lovely teacher friends who may be reading. I know you all are just doing your jobs and must teach what the state has outlined. Just a mommy venting here. Scissors suck. LOL!
This past weekend, I had to put my foot down with Marc. As most already know, we ended our committed relationship over a year ago with one small attempt to reconcile in between. But it never worked out for us and that's something that I find unfortunate. It would be nice if we could work things out but there's a lot of changes that need to take place before that can be a reality and only one of us seems to be willing to make those changes. Last time I checked, you can't be in love by yourself. Just this past weekend, after some serious flirting and propositioning on his part, I asked, "So, do you want to get back together?" His reply was, "I don't know". HAHA! What do you mean you don't know?! Seriously buddy?! Five years and two kids later, you don't know?! At first I retorted, "I don't know is not an answer", and then I corrected myself by saying, "Actually, it is. Ok. Got it".
I don't know is an answer. It's a nice way of saying, "I don't want you". It's frustrating when you're in love with someone who's long since fallen out of love with you and even more difficult when that person arbitrarily decides to interrupt months of no physical contact with the invitation to "get it on".
But I'm 33 years old. That means I'm too old for this sort of nonsense. By this age, we're supposed to be able to read between the lines, get the bigger picture and make the hard decisions. So, I basically told him, "You want one thing and I want another. Let's stop the flirting and just raise our kids, ok?" And that was it. It broke my heart a bit because I knew the little attention he was showing me would immediately end. My heart was heavy. I questioned within myself, "Lord, how long until I can have a real love of my own?" I'm not saying he answered by thunder and lightning but I have been realizing that what I can have is directly tied to what I believe that I deserve. If I believe that I can have a better relationship with someone else, then that's what I will eventually have. Sure, it will take time but time is on my side. I'm in no rush. A good man and a solid relationship is worth the wait. I've already invested a good 13-14 years of my life into two failed relationships. Nothing wrong with waiting a year or two for a healthy relationship to come my way.
So yes, I'm open to something new. Will it be easy? It will have its challenges. Will the children take kindly to mama dating? We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. But we all deserve love, joy, peace, and a stable home. We deserve to be respected and loved and appreciated. I deserve it
I want it.
I believe that I receive.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Stop Whining!
One of the joys of being a parent is that it has not only matured me as a woman but as a child of God. I know it is quite unfair to compare a loving God to any human being's love. He's far more loving of us than we could ever be to anyone. However, it is because of this love that I have my children that I am starting to put my own relationship with my Heavenly Father into perspective. So to be quite honest, parenting is one of the greatest gifts we can be given in our earthly experience.
But here's one thing I can't stand as a mom:
WHINING.
Oh, my goodness! Nothing gets under my skin quite like the sound of my three year old daughter or worse, her five year old brother whining about something they want or something they were denied. I am ready to blow a fuse when they start up. Well, I began to explore this thought a little more so I asked my mom as we sat around the breakfast table, "What makes whining so annoying?" She said, "It's a form of manipulation, control, and it's selfish". Wow. My mama is so full of wisdom!
As she spoke, I added this thought to what she said, "And whining tries to place the sound of a need onto a want in order to heighten its importance".
Bingo.
My children know that if they cry out as if in distress, I'll come running. They also know that I'll say "NO" firmly if they ask for a snack before even eating a meal or wanting to watch a movie before bedtime. So what do they do when all else fails? They try to turn what they want into a need by giving it the sound of whining. They cry. They scream. They beg. They appear to be in deep distress.
They are none of the above.
What they are doing is attempting to force my hand to give them something or do something that I have already determined not to do for them or that I have already stated wasn't appropriate for them for whatever reason.
Whining is a sign of immaturity. Nothing worse than going to the mall or grocery store and hearing a child, almost as tall as their parent, whining and pitching a fit over something they want, while their parent looks helplessly on or tries to ignore them.
So I asked God, "Do we whine to you?"
Immediately my mind went to the children of Israel. Yes, the scriptures say they "murmured and complained" but the only difference between a murmur and a whine is the volume and the age of the person doing it. Children whine. Adults murmur and complain.
But guess what? They're BOTH immature and wrong.
What I try to teach my children is that they can and SHOULD ask clearly and respectfully for what they want. Once they receive their answer, they must respect it. Many times, I have changed my mind on things I previously said no to because they kept a good attitude despite being disappointed.
It's important to remember that our Heavenly Father is always watching and certainly, always listening. He hears our conversations with our friends and family. He listens to every complaint we make. He's aware of each mumble and grumble that escapes our lips.
It's annoying when it happens to us.
It's also annoying to God when we do so to Him.
Does that mean we'll agree with everything He says or does?
Certainly not. There are something things God will ask you to do, not do, or tell you that you can't have that will disappoint you. But here's another great secret about parents: they're always looking for ways to bless their children.
I may not be able to give my child what they want at that moment, maybe because they aren't old enough to receive it, but I'm constantly looking for things that I CAN give them that they're ready for.
God is no different. Just because He says "No" or "wait" to what we request doesn't mean He isn't interested in blessing us. And more often than not, He wants to know if your heart is right towards Him. If my children storm off and throw things because I tell them "no", the nice thing I had already purposed to do for them instead of what they asked for immediately gets scrapped.
The scriptures tell us, "In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you". Even when we don't get what we want when we want it, can we stop whining already? Can we stop complaining about what didn't happen when and how we wanted it to? Can we "fix our faces" before God, worship Him and glorify Him anyway, knowing that He is in that very moment preparing a counter blessing for us?
He loves us and desires to bless each of us as His sons.
Trust and believe that He will give you a good and perfect gift in its time.
But here's one thing I can't stand as a mom:
WHINING.
Oh, my goodness! Nothing gets under my skin quite like the sound of my three year old daughter or worse, her five year old brother whining about something they want or something they were denied. I am ready to blow a fuse when they start up. Well, I began to explore this thought a little more so I asked my mom as we sat around the breakfast table, "What makes whining so annoying?" She said, "It's a form of manipulation, control, and it's selfish". Wow. My mama is so full of wisdom!
As she spoke, I added this thought to what she said, "And whining tries to place the sound of a need onto a want in order to heighten its importance".
Bingo.
My children know that if they cry out as if in distress, I'll come running. They also know that I'll say "NO" firmly if they ask for a snack before even eating a meal or wanting to watch a movie before bedtime. So what do they do when all else fails? They try to turn what they want into a need by giving it the sound of whining. They cry. They scream. They beg. They appear to be in deep distress.
They are none of the above.
What they are doing is attempting to force my hand to give them something or do something that I have already determined not to do for them or that I have already stated wasn't appropriate for them for whatever reason.
Whining is a sign of immaturity. Nothing worse than going to the mall or grocery store and hearing a child, almost as tall as their parent, whining and pitching a fit over something they want, while their parent looks helplessly on or tries to ignore them.
So I asked God, "Do we whine to you?"
Immediately my mind went to the children of Israel. Yes, the scriptures say they "murmured and complained" but the only difference between a murmur and a whine is the volume and the age of the person doing it. Children whine. Adults murmur and complain.
But guess what? They're BOTH immature and wrong.
What I try to teach my children is that they can and SHOULD ask clearly and respectfully for what they want. Once they receive their answer, they must respect it. Many times, I have changed my mind on things I previously said no to because they kept a good attitude despite being disappointed.
It's important to remember that our Heavenly Father is always watching and certainly, always listening. He hears our conversations with our friends and family. He listens to every complaint we make. He's aware of each mumble and grumble that escapes our lips.
It's annoying when it happens to us.
It's also annoying to God when we do so to Him.
Does that mean we'll agree with everything He says or does?
Certainly not. There are something things God will ask you to do, not do, or tell you that you can't have that will disappoint you. But here's another great secret about parents: they're always looking for ways to bless their children.
I may not be able to give my child what they want at that moment, maybe because they aren't old enough to receive it, but I'm constantly looking for things that I CAN give them that they're ready for.
God is no different. Just because He says "No" or "wait" to what we request doesn't mean He isn't interested in blessing us. And more often than not, He wants to know if your heart is right towards Him. If my children storm off and throw things because I tell them "no", the nice thing I had already purposed to do for them instead of what they asked for immediately gets scrapped.
The scriptures tell us, "In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you". Even when we don't get what we want when we want it, can we stop whining already? Can we stop complaining about what didn't happen when and how we wanted it to? Can we "fix our faces" before God, worship Him and glorify Him anyway, knowing that He is in that very moment preparing a counter blessing for us?
He loves us and desires to bless each of us as His sons.
Trust and believe that He will give you a good and perfect gift in its time.
Monday, October 03, 2011
Do You Like Loving Me?
I caught a bit of a certain famous psychologist's show today and his guests were parents who had questionable parenting practices. The second set of parents in particular caught my eye. The father ran the household in a military type fashion with his wife as his enforcer. I watched them explain how as a family they'd play card games but if their children lost, they were made to do push up's.
Kinda puts your own upbringing into perspective, doesn't it? LOL! Sheesh.
The good doctor made some decent suggestions to this couple, mainly asking them to consider their children's feelings and allow them to be "children" more.
I kept waiting for him to say what I believe the Holy Spirit was whispering in my ear but he never did.
What did the Spirit say?
He said, "Isn't it a shame that for all their love for their children, it's being lost in their drive to appear as if they're being good parents?"
Whoa.
That made me do some thinking and soul searching.
We've all seen the wives who compare their marriages against their girlfriends, trying to see if they have a "good" marriage. We've all seen or been the parents that compare their parenting skills to other parents, in the hopes that we measure up and are found somewhere up there with the "good parents".
But what if the quest to be a good parent was actually the problem?
The Holy Spirit continued His inner dialogue with me and said, "No one likes to have a bunch of tasks, duties and responsibilities in a day. But few realize that complaining about the tasks, duties, and responsibilities that directly affect and benefit those that we claim to love is very hurtful. Who wants to feel like someone's job? Someone's headache? Someone's source of stress and strain?"
It's not easy being a single mom. I don't have enough arms, eyes, ears and feet to do everything that must be done in a day. I don't have enough brain cells to juggle three major food allergies, two different sleeping habits, and four different personalities. I do my best but sometimes I miss it.
But it occurred to me today that all of my hard work, sacrifice, and self denial for the sake of my children would be in vain if they grew up feeling as if I never just simply enjoyed being their mom and having them in my life.
Wow.
Isn't that something to ponder?
What good is all of the sacrifices we make for those we claim to love if we never communicate the most basic of expressions of love that simply says, "I love being who I am to you and I love having you in my life"?
It would break my heart if my children came to me as adults and said, "Mama, we knew you loved us but we never felt that you liked us".
Wow again.
I don't like laundry. I don't like cleaning the same messy room everyday. I don't like wiping up spills and figuring out bills and all of the other tasks, duties and responsibilities that come along with being a mom. However, I dislike "it", not THEM. Unfortunately, children aren't always able to separate the "it" from the THEM.
Today, I asked myself the real question: Through all of the things that you do to keep your family going and the house running smoothly, are you finding the joy in it all?"
When my children look at me, do the see a woman who is happy and joyful or someone who is stressed and annoyed? Do they feel like blessings or obligations?
Do my loved ones feel loved?
Do my friends know that I enjoy them or do they feel like I tolerate them?
Does my love show?
Does my joy flow?
I know I've got a lot to do in a day, just like everyone else who's a responsible adult. There's about three loads of laundry, one bathroom and one more bedroom screaming to be cleaned as I type. But no matter my list of tasks, chores, responsibilities and obligations, can my joy of loving those who love me be felt? Be seen? Be heard?
That's a better project to undertake than logging onto facebook or twitter and seeing what new fancy extracurricular activity your contemporaries have signed their children up for. My children don't speak Russian. We're still working on tying our own shoes and cutting with scissors. Nope, my children aren't being shown SAT flash cards in between calligraphy lessons. They don't know long division. Maybe less than 24 hrs ago, I would have viewed this as a sign that I needed to step my game up as a mom and involve them in more things and get us more busy as a family. But on second thought....
Maybe, just maybe we're ok and maybe, just maybe our validation as a good family doesn't have to come from the outside.world but it should come from within? I'm not saying all those other things aren't good and possibly beneficial but what good is any of it if our own children don't even know that we like them and we LIKE being parents? For all of our moaning, groaning and complaining over chores, bills, bosses, traffic and messy rooms, maybe we're not sending the right message out to our children. Yes, we work hard. Yes, we have a lot on our plate. But at no time is a full plate equal to a bitter cup. So what I lose a few hundred hours of sleep and work hard to earn a living? It's all worth it for the joy of having my children in my life. Isn't that what we all want? Isn't that what we all need? We just want to know that to someone, we're worth the trouble.
Genesis 29:20 puts it this way: "And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her".
Every wife wants to know while he's working behind that desk or sweating in that hot sun, the love he has for her makes it all seem like a light burden. Every husband wants to know that her cooking, cleaning and support comes from love, not obligation. Every child wants mommy or daddy to be just as excited to see them at the end of eight or more hours apart as they are.
It's not a job when you love.
It's not work when you care.
God gives us that gift everyday. I'm going to try harder to make sure my children, my family and my friends receive it from me too.
Kinda puts your own upbringing into perspective, doesn't it? LOL! Sheesh.
The good doctor made some decent suggestions to this couple, mainly asking them to consider their children's feelings and allow them to be "children" more.
I kept waiting for him to say what I believe the Holy Spirit was whispering in my ear but he never did.
What did the Spirit say?
He said, "Isn't it a shame that for all their love for their children, it's being lost in their drive to appear as if they're being good parents?"
Whoa.
That made me do some thinking and soul searching.
We've all seen the wives who compare their marriages against their girlfriends, trying to see if they have a "good" marriage. We've all seen or been the parents that compare their parenting skills to other parents, in the hopes that we measure up and are found somewhere up there with the "good parents".
But what if the quest to be a good parent was actually the problem?
The Holy Spirit continued His inner dialogue with me and said, "No one likes to have a bunch of tasks, duties and responsibilities in a day. But few realize that complaining about the tasks, duties, and responsibilities that directly affect and benefit those that we claim to love is very hurtful. Who wants to feel like someone's job? Someone's headache? Someone's source of stress and strain?"
It's not easy being a single mom. I don't have enough arms, eyes, ears and feet to do everything that must be done in a day. I don't have enough brain cells to juggle three major food allergies, two different sleeping habits, and four different personalities. I do my best but sometimes I miss it.
But it occurred to me today that all of my hard work, sacrifice, and self denial for the sake of my children would be in vain if they grew up feeling as if I never just simply enjoyed being their mom and having them in my life.
Wow.
Isn't that something to ponder?
What good is all of the sacrifices we make for those we claim to love if we never communicate the most basic of expressions of love that simply says, "I love being who I am to you and I love having you in my life"?
It would break my heart if my children came to me as adults and said, "Mama, we knew you loved us but we never felt that you liked us".
Wow again.
I don't like laundry. I don't like cleaning the same messy room everyday. I don't like wiping up spills and figuring out bills and all of the other tasks, duties and responsibilities that come along with being a mom. However, I dislike "it", not THEM. Unfortunately, children aren't always able to separate the "it" from the THEM.
Today, I asked myself the real question: Through all of the things that you do to keep your family going and the house running smoothly, are you finding the joy in it all?"
When my children look at me, do the see a woman who is happy and joyful or someone who is stressed and annoyed? Do they feel like blessings or obligations?
Do my loved ones feel loved?
Do my friends know that I enjoy them or do they feel like I tolerate them?
Does my love show?
Does my joy flow?
I know I've got a lot to do in a day, just like everyone else who's a responsible adult. There's about three loads of laundry, one bathroom and one more bedroom screaming to be cleaned as I type. But no matter my list of tasks, chores, responsibilities and obligations, can my joy of loving those who love me be felt? Be seen? Be heard?
That's a better project to undertake than logging onto facebook or twitter and seeing what new fancy extracurricular activity your contemporaries have signed their children up for. My children don't speak Russian. We're still working on tying our own shoes and cutting with scissors. Nope, my children aren't being shown SAT flash cards in between calligraphy lessons. They don't know long division. Maybe less than 24 hrs ago, I would have viewed this as a sign that I needed to step my game up as a mom and involve them in more things and get us more busy as a family. But on second thought....
Maybe, just maybe we're ok and maybe, just maybe our validation as a good family doesn't have to come from the outside.world but it should come from within? I'm not saying all those other things aren't good and possibly beneficial but what good is any of it if our own children don't even know that we like them and we LIKE being parents? For all of our moaning, groaning and complaining over chores, bills, bosses, traffic and messy rooms, maybe we're not sending the right message out to our children. Yes, we work hard. Yes, we have a lot on our plate. But at no time is a full plate equal to a bitter cup. So what I lose a few hundred hours of sleep and work hard to earn a living? It's all worth it for the joy of having my children in my life. Isn't that what we all want? Isn't that what we all need? We just want to know that to someone, we're worth the trouble.
Genesis 29:20 puts it this way: "And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her".
Every wife wants to know while he's working behind that desk or sweating in that hot sun, the love he has for her makes it all seem like a light burden. Every husband wants to know that her cooking, cleaning and support comes from love, not obligation. Every child wants mommy or daddy to be just as excited to see them at the end of eight or more hours apart as they are.
It's not a job when you love.
It's not work when you care.
God gives us that gift everyday. I'm going to try harder to make sure my children, my family and my friends receive it from me too.
Saturday, October 01, 2011
Everyday God...
I barely got my eyes open this morning before I was bombarded with an unbelievable amount of annoyance. Blaring cartoons, then the unexplained short circuiting of the living room tv by my third child named "Somebody". Somebody gets blamed for all mysterious accidents and damage to personal property in my house. Somebody and my three year old, Caitlyn, are best friends. Juice spilled all over the kitchen floor and a torn blanket later, I was ready to go back to bed and hadn't even gotten out of bed. It wasn't even 7:30 yet and I was already on 10, lungs fully inflated.
I picked up my cell and texted my sister, hoping someone on the outside could explain the surreal events going on in my house. WHAT IN THE WORLD! I know I can't be the only mom who felt she woke up in Pee Wee's Fun House! She could sense my growing frustration and I sarcastically replied, "I need to pray". She replied, "You should".
Wow.
Who thinks to pray in moments like these?
Who WANTS to pray in moments like these?!
But everything I wanted to do in those moments were all sins and at the very least misdemeanor crimes so prayer was definitely in order.
So I prayed. It was nothing grand and worthy of a National Cathedral. It was simple and sincere: "Lord, help me through this!"
A few minutes after I prayed, the Holy Spirit began speaking to my heart in the form of thoughts. I began to think, "How can I move past this overwhelming sense of anger and frustration that I feel? His gentle reply, in the form of another thought was, "You move past anger when you don't dwell on it. Dwelling on the things that make you angry is like placing a pot of water on a stove and increasing the heat. Before you know it, it'll go from a simmer to a boil. That's what anger is like. A pot on a stove. Take the pot off the heat. Don't think about what's making you angry and rehearse it over and over in your mind". Sure enough, it worked! I stopped replaying the broken tv and how I imagined my industrious little girl managed to seep Capri Sun into the back of it. I stopped dwelling on the thoughts.
The pot of whatever was still there, but it was no longer on the stove coming up to a boil.
As I was reflecting on just how whacky my day began, I realized that we serve an everyday God. What I mean by that is we often forget to include Him in every aspect of our lives and the activities of our day, including our frustrations. He's our lifesaver in times of crisis, but what about letting Him be our Guide Who leads us out and away from the crisis?
A certain entrepreneurial woman started a very successful business with the marketing strategy of providing recipes and crafts that easily fit into our everyday routine. Nothing dramatic. Everyday.
A certain entrepreneurial woman started a very successful business with the marketing strategy of providing recipes and crafts that easily fit into our everyday routine. Nothing dramatic. Everyday.
God is an everyday God, not just a major crisis and struggle God. He's God when we're frustrated with our children, our bosses, our parents, our spouses-ourselves. He doesn't need us to qualify our issues and cares before we cast them on Him. As a matter of fact, He did specifically tell us to cast ALL of them on Him because He cares for us.
He's an everyday God that's accessible all day, everyday and for everything.
That's a wonderful thing to know.
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